a bit of a late post today but i’ve been exceedingly busy working on some important stuff on the side and that’s taken up most of my time. things are going pretty good currently and are generally productive.
Doing so much better than last week. Got my instance back up and running and was able to bring up some very much needed conversations that hopefully lemmy backend contributors have begun to take note of. Had a lovely Rosh Hashanah and am prepping for Yom Kippur soon. Was sadly unable to participate in person due to increased COVID stuff, but it was still nice to disconnect from everything and dip some apples in honey. Been actually coming out of my reading slump too :)
Hope the rest of your week is somewhat more chill, or you can at least get some rest this weekend
Well, it’s been a month and a half since I’ve had a job. Since then, my car got repossessed.
So now my only options are remote (literally live in the middle of nowhere), and I’ve been getting rejected.
Normally, it doesn’t bother me. But it’s coming up on one year of shattering a past relationship of 9 years with drug abuse, and it’s affecting me.
At least I have one year of sobriety to show. Well, mostly sober (weed).
Coupled with living with family, there’s this pressure for me to get a job as soon as possible, but I can’t control the process.
All I tell myself is I’m trying.
So, how I’m feeling this week: a bit disassociated from reality and a bit down on luck.
I’m right there with you.
Yesterday I was totally paralyzed with all of the things I need to do. Ended up cooking dinner and that was all. I’ve been on the job hunt for over a year now just trying to find something that brings a little light to my life, but it all seems so soul-crushing.
I’ve also been dependent on cannabis because it makes me feel… normal? Now my medical card has expired and I never used it illegally so I’m facing this dark tunnel alone and it’s overwhelming.
Though I was able to watch my neighbor’s dog and cat for 10 days earlier this month. It was strange to have living things depend on me again. My boy died about a year and a half ago and I’m still not over it. Isn’t this shit supposed to get easier with time?
We aren’t alone in feeling the way we do. Gods know I could use a hug; if you have family there soak up all the time you can get.
Let’s hope that soon we will crawl out of our personal hells and thrive.
My boy died about a year and a half ago and I’m still not over it. Isn’t this shit supposed to get easier with time?
Someone described it to be like the sea: first you fall off the deep end, and you feel like drowning. After some time you manage to get to the surface, but ever so often a wave comes rolling over and makes you gasp for air. Over time, the waves come less often, they get smaller… then once in a blue moon a big one comes and pushes you under again… but hopefully the next one will be a small one.
CW
I’ve been through a lot of pets over the decades, mostly cats but also some dogs. Having to care after another 5 or 10 all the time, made it easier to get busy and forget for a while about the one that had just gone away, but to this day I get emotional while remembering some good old friend from 20 or 30 years ago. When my mom passed away earlier this year, whom I’ve been close to, the only thing that made me move were some decent benzos (aka “f-it-all” pills). Having to give away 8 cats over the following few months, hasn’t been easy though, even if there are about 6 or 8 more left (some come and go, some haven’t come back in a while). It’s been hard to look at them without remembering the others, or thinking that even these may need to go soon. I haven’t lived without pets since I was like 6, not really sure how to even do it, much less completely alone.
Someone described it to be like the sea
That sounds like the famous GSnow comment, also known as “Grief comes in waves”. I find that incredibly helpful and comforting. Here’s a non reddit link in case you or @[email protected] want to read it.
That’s beautiful, i never heard of it so thank you for sharing. I have a scar from one of my - deceased - dogs; she had sharp nails. I love that scar; it’s like she left a permanent memory on my skin
My pleasure. I really relate about your dog memory scar! I have one from my deceased cat and love it for the same reason.
The worst will wear off but i don’t think there is a universal time frame for how long it will take. I’ve had many pets and it also depends on how close you were with them and how they died. For those with a traumatic death, it took much, much longer, compared to a pet that peacefully died of old age. Don’t wait for the pain to wear off. Just live your life and it will take how long it will take. I do hope you don’t have to deal with people saying things like; just bring in a new pet. That is a completely personal decision; for some it might help, for others it might feel like a betrayal.
Wishing you all the best.
I had a competitive service exam last Sunday. I think I passed it, but I don’t know yet, until the publication of the provisional official results after some weeks. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that I’ve been bullied by two tankies over two comments I posted on lemmy.ml, and I’m so upset that I don’t even know what to do or how to deal with it. Life fucking sucks, really.
fucking tankies everywhere. I keep blocking. Good luck mate.
Going well. I’ve been a Godot game engineer for 5 years and an unreal game engineer for 10. So my worth kind of just skyrocketed this week. Lots of questions about Godot vs unreal. I’ve been reading up on game design and project management to help my career trajectory.
I hope one day to start my own small game studio and with each passing year it’s felt both closer and more unreachable. This last week I’m starting to see why it’s felt that way and where I can better put my efforts.
Money is always hard. I have a good job but expenses and being the sole earner for a family of 4 is difficult.
I agree. I’m in your position. With my wife working we would make about $100 more a year than the cost of childcare so we figured it’s probably worth it for her to stay home. If you think about it, divide your pay by 2, and that’s about what you and your spouse (I assume) make together to support everyone. One good job becomes about as good as 2 meh jobs.
I often feel I am underwater.
Yeah that’s exactly it. It only makes sense for my partner to work if she feels like it benefits her.
I really looking forward to her having a job. We should be able to put most of her pay into retirement for her, and the rest into fun things with the kids, like camping.
Very excited.
I assume it skyrocketed because of Unity pricing? Good for you, in any case! Hopefully it’ll turn into more income to support your family.
Tbh it’s been bad.
My partner got a job in Seattle, which has been the plan. I am from there and we have been wanting to move back. I was hoping to keep my job when I moved there as it’s fully remote, although pretty California specific. Before I went on my 2 week trip, I was told, yes I could keep my job. I was so thrilled. Kept thinking about how excited I was to finally be moving back after all these years.
First day back from the trip. Oh oops, nevermind, I don’t get to keep it. So now I’m in a position of, find a new job as fast as possible or else I’m stuck down here by myself for who knows how long. And I feel like I can’t even do anything to start this process, as I am still waiting for the surgeon I’m seeing for bottom surgery to call me and schedule. It’s been a month since insurance approved the procedure, but crickets from the clinic. Idk how I can really apply for jobs when my surgery could come at any time and postpone me starting the job. And it’s on my current works insurance so…
On top of it all, dysphoria is at an all time high. Misgendering has never been fun for me, but I’ve often been able to shrug it off. During my trip I was getting misgendered like 30-50 times a day. It wore me out so much. Just a general feeling of fuck recently.
Oh and I just got covid.
Unfun times
I am so sorry, that’s such a perfect storm of terrible circumstances. I recently had my job backpedal on something they promised me and it was so infuriatingly unprofessional (although very luckily I have a wonderful and very influential mentor who fixed the problem).
And the clinic, I don’t know their situation but I’d expect that insurance approval should be the hard part, so to go a month without hearing from them? I’m getting upset just thinking about it.
I can only hope other people get their acts together for you very soon. In the meantime, consider me in your corner, steaming at the injustice.
Welp, as if they saw my comment. I got a call from them today. The first part of my procedure is in less than a month! Woo! We take the wins!!! 🥳
Hell yeah, good news!
I’ve been spending some time considering the future technology stack of Beehaw. I’d love to work on some kind of moderation tools, especially because I know that they could be inserted alongside the existing codebase - even if in an exceedingly hacky way. Heck, even client side site scraping with content matching is an option if for some horrible reason we had to.
The fun part is not being able to ask those who run the server about specifics for what’s needed.
The fun part is not being able to ask those who run the server about specifics for what’s needed.
What do you mean by that? Here’s a list of some needs; here’s more, and others. Beehaw admin are pretty vocal about the specifics of what’s needed. If you can code on the stack that Lemmy is in, proficiently, moderator tooling is definitely a sore spot that needs some attention.
Oooo thank you for the links, that’s the part I had a difficult time with. I don’t think I’m subscribed to enough things, or I don’t check frequently enough, to get the information updates.
I’ll see what I’m qualified to do. I don’t know Rust in particular so this is likely to turn into a rabbit hole that produces nothing but a greater knowledgebase in my brain for the next time I get fiesty about something.
It’s kinda funny. I was a mod on reddit (I guess technically still am) and I’ve always felt that mod tools on reddit were very poor. Having to use Toolbox and RES and such. And moderating on the go from the official app was garbage (thank god for Apollo).
Then I get here to Beehaw, where I volunteer to mod again. And I find the mod tools are even worse! I get that most people didn’t leave reddit because of poor mod tools. It was the API and content moderation issues that drove people away. But still, I was expecting Lemmy to have at least equal capabilities.
But still, I was expecting Lemmy to have at least equal capabilities.
the project was admittedly a lot more manageable previously when it had a fraction of the users it has now, but it’s still definitely bizarre to come to what is essentially a four year old project and find nothing but the barest of barebones tools.
Just learned that I have to pay 700 euro for an intake conversation, after I made it clear that I don’t want to pursue therapy with this person. In fact our conversation had a negative impact on my mental health. I still believe in therapy but it’s logical a lot of people avoid it due to such stories.
Edit: Actually it’s 800. Also I want to encourage people to look for therapy if they need it. The money isn’t important compared to your mental health. Just make sure to be aware of the costs.
Sorry to hear that, frustrating! 😓
Is this an hours initial conversation with a therapist? The price seems excitingly high 😳
Well I went twice. The second time the dsm was immediately on the table, and I felt I had to defend myself and didn’t feel heard at all. We never had a dialogue or any form of active listening so I felt he jumped to conclusions.
I wonder if there’s a local regulatory board that you can seek resolution from. At best it doesn’t sound like a fair business practice. That sounds expensive for the US, let alone anywhere in the Eurozone.
Well I called with the insurance and they said prices are very high at the moment for therapy. I now have to pay 27 euros every month for the next two years. Kinda crazy when you think about it.
That is a fantastic deal compared to what most people in the US pay. I do empathize though. It’s a public good. It should be free.
That seems illegal if it wasn’t an upfront price. I’m not 100% on European law though.
It depends on the “deal/package” you get. I once went for a “don’t pay for the first session until after the second one” deal.
The first one went so-so… but the therapist came highly recommended, so decided to go for a second one (which would still only be 120€, not 700€). That one didn’t go well, at all, pretty much left out fuming. Coincidentally, it ended “after hours”, so the receptionist was already gone, and I didn’t notice I hadn’t paid until already getting on the street. They also forgot to take down my payment details the first time, and I was in no hurry to fix that mistake… so that worked out itself.
But this kind of deals, seem to be legal, even though they feel like “bait and switch”.
Yikes that’s terrible!
My new job at the deli is going a lot smoother, we are understaffed and that sucks but my new work boots are way more comfortable so my legs and back aren’t killing me anymore. My coworkers keep my spirits up and my girlfriend is very supportive, so I’m doing pretty alright. I don’t dread going into work every day but I miss all the free time to play around. My time feels more valuable than ever, but at least I can afford my hobbies better now. I think I’m happier overall.
i’m on week three of new meds, and the negative side-effects seem to have worn off. i can’t really tell if the actual intended effects are working yet (more focus). it does seem like it’s easier to break away from certain time sinks like mindlessly scrolling on my phone in the morning… but i’m not entirely sure. 🤷
i have my therapy appointment in ~15 minutes, so maybe she’ll be able to pinpoint something i can’t see for myself.
I’m a busy bee. Last week was my club’s welcome week, so I’m behind on some of my assignments. I also have a midterm and a test this week. I lost track of those dates because I’ve been busy planning for my club this month and for next month… My club schedule is more organized than my school schedule. Kinda awkward.
Also working my part-time job. It’s been fun, but now that one person is leaving, I know that I’ll have more responsibilities given to me. We only have five people on the team— two seniors, one intern, and two student workers— so it can be rough. I’m still learning how to navigate the CMS with my fellow student worker, so it’ll be interesting to see what new duties I’ll have.
Overall, not a bad week? I just know it’ll be an exhausting one. (Like last week.) ._. Hope the workload gets lighter, but I think I’ll have to wait for a holiday break for that to happen.
We had an unseasonably hot spell a couple of weeks back which was pretty miserable- I don’t do well in hot weather at all. Today it’s cool and windy and autumnal and I’m making a stew with Yorkshire puddings for dinner, which is much more emotionally satisfying than the cold potato salad we were eating a week and a half ago.
I don’t talk about this much, but I’ve lost about 30% of my body weight in the past year. Before anyone asks, the answer is “Ozempic”. I had a bunch of stuff in smaller sizes in storage but was afraid to try anything on. I did so yesterday and discovered that not only do my small jeans fit, they’re actually a bit loose. So that’s awesome.
I’m tired. And tired of being tired. And still waiting to see benefits from using a CPAP. Instead it’s all getting worse- I’m having a ton of mask leakage and can’t figure out why. I’m supposed to finally see the specialist on the 28th, but as a visibly non-conformist woman I’m not expecting that to go well at all. Mainly I’m expecting “your numbers are fine, stop wasting my time”.
I’m really looking forward to the day when I won’t mostly write complaining about the damn CPAP.
I already saw you complaining about the CPAP. It was a life changer for me (high blood pressure condition), but the tech guy who installed my CPAP warned me it could take some time and adjustments. He also told me that some people never get used to sleeping with this thing. I hope it will work for you.
I’m super proud of a friend who just ended a relationship with someone who was being incredibly controlling. I’m very worried though because she keeps questioning her decision. I’ve luckily never found myself in her situation. Any advice from someone who has?
Good here. Accidentally got talking to various local people in the past couple of weeks, some of whom know each other, and it feels like there’s potential to end up with a social circle. Though I’ve lived around here most of my life off and on, I don’t actually know anyone. Have been invited to join a community service group that seems very sound, so that’ll be cool - will know more after tomorrow evening.
The whole thing is making me feel quite paranoid at times - managing to roll with it for now, but will have to remember to be cautious lest it ramp up excessively.
Oh and have the kernel of a creative project forming in my mind for the first time in a very, very long time. Imagine it’ll end up as something else entirely, and I wouldn’t say it is an especially interesting project, but relieved by the emergence nevertheless.
Interesting. I don’t want to whine, but I’ve had a constant headache since last Thursday, and a few other problems.
Where I live I have many options for health care so I was able to see 2 different doctors who have 2 different ideas.
Doctor 1 thinks it is stress-related or possibly something related to ergonomics at work, because it started while at work.
Doctor 2 thinks it is prediabetes, so I have been testing and my levels are high but not crazy high.
Either way, it will be a wake-up call to eat better and pay attention to workplace comfort.
Extremely busy. I’m putting in 50 or so hour weeks doing school work but so far, the grades are actually coming out okay. This week and next are exam weeks though so I’ll have to report back after that. Hope everyone is doing well this week tho :)
