My fiancé David seems to have an “I can fix him” mindset with his friend Sean. David is always making excuses of Sean’s toxic behavior towards him and stuff.

Sean clearly does not like him. Sean is always ranting and blowing up at David. He never wants to talk to David or hang out with him. He makes David really sad but David wants to keep his promise to always be Sean’s friend and thinks he can fix Sean or something.

I appreciate that David is trying not to talk to Sean anymore. I’ve just been worried about him that his friendship with him is one-sided and not the best, but I can’t control him and I don’t want to at all.

I just don’t know what to do. Kind suggestions, please?

Sean left a rant saying: (shortened, paraphrased) HOW DARE YOU JOIN THE MILITARY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

I’M IN SO MUCH PAIN. I HAVE NO FRIENDS AND NO ONE TO TALK TO AND YOU HAVE FRIENDS AND A FIANCÉE AND YOU DONT LIKE ME OR EVER PAY ATTENTION TO ME AT ALL

I’VE TRIED SO HARD JUST TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT YOU DON’T APPRECIATE ME ENOUGH. YOU’RE SO UNGRATEFUL OMG YOU SUCK.

YOU ALWAYS SAY YOUR LIFE SUCKS, YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT MINE?? IM MISERABLE!!!

  • Sal@lemmy.world
    3·
    2 days ago

    It is not your fiancé’s job to fix his friend. He seems to angry at your fiancé for no apparent reason. The first thing is knowing WHY Sean is upset, and seeing if his reaction to this question is reasonable at all. If it is not, there’s not much to do other than cutting him off. IMO, that friendship has already sunk, because your fiance’s friend seem to care significantly more about himself than anything else and trying to appeal to that kind of person is a fool’s errand.

    • relation_anon4238OP
      2·
      2 days ago

      I agree, thank you so much 🙏 Apparently he finds David annoying, that’s all I know

  • 0x01@lemmy.ml
    2·
    2 days ago

    Sometimes our thoughts on what a relationship is don’t match up with reality. David can’t fix Sean, isn’t responsible to, and shouldn’t try. Neither can you fix David.

    Sean sounds narcissistic, it’s likely the relationship will fizzle, with time and distance most relationships with narcissists do.

    • relation_anon4238OP
      1·
      2 days ago

      Thanks! I’d proceed with caution, but Sean acts completely the opposite towards me rather than towards David.

  • akari (あかり)@piefed.socialEnglish
    4·
    2 days ago

    Im sorry. It can be very hard to leave a toxic relationship if sean isn’t just in pain. It sounds very hard for all of you. I hope sean gets better or david realizes sean can only fix himself.