At the age of 34, being extremely socially reclusive, and being autistic myself, I don’t really think I have any chance of getting a relationship. I also have issues with staying attached to neurotypical/non-autistic people, people that drink alcohol regularly (I was raised by an alcoholic grandmother, you probably can put the two together), also I’m disabled in other ways too, etc.
A lot of people often like to say “ace/aro/demi people just too disappointed/have too high standards”. Here I am being so disappointed and probably having way too high standards, yet I still vow for a romantic relationship, and thus often feel lonely from it.
i feel you! though not for relationships, in fact it’s principally discouraged (i moved off the website and met my long-distance girlfriend here however) the open-source “chat with random people” website mero.chat is a curated space for all people that are lonely!
explicit awareness and pro-active curation has fostered a really wonderful community. i highly encourage you to chat with some people on mero.chat and just see if you feel less lonely =)
that’s the good part of my comment. the bad part is i felt like you did for years, it’s alot and i feel you. there’s guaranteed to be people just like you feeling just as isolated- so glad to see you post about this because of that!