I hate my stupid mental issues so much, I think people hate me and if my S/O’s tone slightly changes, I think he hates me or I did something wrong and then I feel manipulative. I get angry so quickly, IDK what the hell is wrong with me but I hate it. I know I’m just a teen (18) but still. I wish I was normal.
I wish if my S/O didn’t respond in a certain way or a dryer way that he hated me, I don’t act this way with anyone else, I just think if he stops showing affection (because he always does) that he hates me. I’m so damn manipulative, ugh.
Please be nice and listen. This is a rant, I don’t really need advice or to be criticized. I already know I’m messed up mentally.
At least you know while you’re younger, friend. I didn’t suspect I was any different from most people until my mid-30s. I’ve only known, for sure, something was wrong with me for about 6 years. I really believed I was just lazy, and maybe even sociopathic (due to relationship issues) despite being extremely empathic. At least I know it’s not really my fault on a personality level or anything. I just need more help being “normal” than neurotypical folks. Especially when it comes to keeping my mood from changing or getting off my ass to do things I actually have motivation and desire to do because I don’t have good executive function. In my entire 40 years, these are the two biggest things I have never found ways of coping with or masking.
Thank you so much, I’m so sorry it was so hard for you. I thought I was narcissistic before it dawned on me that borderline could be a thing.