I hate my stupid mental issues so much, I think people hate me and if my S/O’s tone slightly changes, I think he hates me or I did something wrong and then I feel manipulative. I get angry so quickly, IDK what the hell is wrong with me but I hate it. I know I’m just a teen (18) but still. I wish I was normal.
I wish if my S/O didn’t respond in a certain way or a dryer way that he hated me, I don’t act this way with anyone else, I just think if he stops showing affection (because he always does) that he hates me. I’m so damn manipulative, ugh.
Please be nice and listen. This is a rant, I don’t really need advice or to be criticized. I already know I’m messed up mentally.
not diagnosing, but do you by any chance have bpd or rejection sensitive dysphoria?
Possibly BPD, I’m going to ask a professional for sure
by the way, (same person) i have possible bpd and im a year older than u are
yayyy, ok!!
You’re aware of the problem, so that’s a step in the right direction. Imagine what it’s like for those people who just find themselves in trouble all the time, but have no idea what’s going on.
The awareness OP shows and the exact reasoning and thinking they are sharing, along with relating to so many adhd and autism memes is exactly what led me to go see what was wrong with me. The biggest gut punch wasn’t being diagnosed with the ADHD or being on the autism spectrum; it was being told I had BPD. Something I had never even heard of before. But after researching it after my diagnosis, it explains nearly everything about my relationships (except with my ex-wife who was straight up abusibe) throughout my entire life. Including how I get along with my own family.
I absolutely hate it. I don’t know anyone else with BPD, and most people also have never heard of it. There’s no treatment other than just therapy, which I constantly have trouble getting due to health care being bullshit in this country for the non-rich.
I have been suspected many times to have BPD. I also have autism. At first, I thought it meant I was toxic and evil due to the stigma that surrounded it. Now I realize how they may actually feel. I myself don’t wanna be this way, and I know neither do they. I’m working on it, though, and I’m pretty self-aware.
At least you know while you’re younger, friend. I didn’t suspect I was any different from most people until my mid-30s. I’ve only known, for sure, something was wrong with me for about 6 years. I really believed I was just lazy, and maybe even sociopathic (due to relationship issues) despite being extremely empathic. At least I know it’s not really my fault on a personality level or anything. I just need more help being “normal” than neurotypical folks. Especially when it comes to keeping my mood from changing or getting off my ass to do things I actually have motivation and desire to do because I don’t have good executive function. In my entire 40 years, these are the two biggest things I have never found ways of coping with or masking.
Thank you so much, I’m so sorry it was so hard for you. I thought I was narcissistic before it dawned on me that borderline could be a thing.
Fair enough, that’s why im trying to work on it, thanks! I hardly ever express anger towards people, I just rant about it on like a journal or something
