I thought that the will to act, the steps taken to face the issue, would somehow support the combat against my addiction.
It does not.
Since I took that appointment at the addiction clinic, since I had my first meeting with a very sweet nurse who was 1000% more receptive and convincing than the former “mental health professionals” I’ve consulted with, I had hoped confronting my issues & deciding to address them would be a first step into helping myself. A first step into reducing, even if minimally, my daily intake. Or make me at ease with the concept of living without a bottle hidden in my rucksack.
It does not.
I’m more stressed out. I’m in constant panic attacks. I’m physically sick if I don’t have access to the stuff. And I’m feeling like I drink twice as much. Which I’m probably doing.
I know it’s a process, a life-changing one. I know there’ll be a grief period; she told me. She told me I’m the only one able to do it. No magic, no technology. Just me.
Just me and that liquid shit.
While I never has that hard dependency, I know part of the feeling.
It is hard. It does hurt. Any help is useful. And it is worth it.
If you don’t manage it in first try, it is ok, maybe even usual.
I am happy for you at least eant to quit and you are doing your current best. Get any support you can and have understanding and love for yourself.
I would also suggest psychotherapy, it helped me. There is a reason we are addicted. Problem is good therapist is also hard to find, but it is worth it.
Good luck!
You’ve got this brother. Those feelings, that anxiety, that means you’re on the right track. Its definitely going to get harder before it gets better. But it will. Just take it one day at a time. You’ve got this.
When I quit drinking 5 years ago it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was my 4th attempt, and I’ve been sober since.
I felt like crap, I slept like crap, my mental health took a dive (panic attacks galore), but all of that was temporary. It only lasted for the first few weeks to few months though. The cravings lasted much much longer.
I knew I couldn’t drink in moderation, I knew I couldn’t ease my way down, I had tried those before. I had to quit cold turkey, and I did.
I had to get all the alcohol out of my apartment because having it there available to me was like a siren’s song. Calling me to smash my life upon the rocks with just one more drink.
I couldn’t be around alcohol for months because my hands would start shaking when I’d start smelling it because I would start craving it so bad.
It was closer to the one year mark than I’d like to admit when I had the “pleasure” of cleaning up a massive spill of alcohol at work (I work in the freight industry) and I knew that I could stay sober and that I’d made it past the worst of it. I knew that because when the smell hit me I didn’t have to fight the urge to suck it out of the floor boards.
My mental health since then has gotten way better, I’m actually able to deal with my PTSD and my ADHD.
Stick to it friend, it will be hard, you will feel like you can’t do it at times, but stick to it. You have the strength. You just have to believe in yourself.
Thanks for this. I can relate to a lot of it, like knowing that if I fail, it’s my first attempt and is part of the process of quitting. I’m going to get help, I’m going to take my medication as prescribed, I’m going to open up to my friends circle since I know they’ll support me 100%
Thanks again for sharing your experience. Tbh, I absolutely dread the cravings, I’m terrified of the next few months.
Here’s some inspiration for you.
One of my Great-grandfathers started smoking when he was 11 years old, basically smoked his entire life until one day he got a call from his wife’s doctor.
The doctor told him that his wife had asthma and can’t be around smoke anymore. So my grandfather stopped smoking cold turkey half way through a cigarette and left that half-smoked cigarette in that partially smoked pack of cigarettes on top of his dresser for the rest of his life and never smoked again.
Hey, that’s both powerful and cute.
It took me 13 years to quit cigarettes; I’m not expecting a quiet fight with alcohol tbh. But I’ve got support, both professional and close by, and I want to get rid of that crap.
Thanks for your kind words and sharing your personal story. I started cigs and alcohol at 13; one down, one to go!
Not meaning to engoursge you into the next problematic addiction, but did you consider valium for those anxiety? Because thst sounds awful 😞 hope you can manage!
Going to meet a specialist next week; nurse told me I’m probably going to need a prescription to help (and also that it’s the real hard choice, it is one or the other. Gotta commit now)
What prescription? And what are you meaning with ‘one or the other’?
A prescription for medication against the signs of withdrawal, I’m so far down that I can’t stop “cold turkey” or risk shit stuff like going into epilepsy. They said Benzodiazepine, so yeah, Valium or such like.
And if I go that route, I have to be sure my choice to stop is made, since you better not use Benzodiazepine at the same time as alcohol.
I’m not a health professional or anything, so I want to stress that I lack knowledge and insight to give real advice.
But honestly … this sounds weird. Doing Benzoz in an unsupervised setting while under such high stress and risk of relapsing? Recipe for disaster. In your situation, you should consider leaving room and acceptance for a possible relapse. Relapsing does not mean failing (and certainly should not mean dying); it will be part of your progress and success, because the Recovery as a whole is a process with ups and downs, and relapses can be a part of that journey, that is normal.
I regret my first comment in your post, where I suggested the use of Valium, and would now rather suggest exploring general 'reduction strategies". Also, it’s great that you seek professional help, but maybe also get a second opinion before taking drugs that are seriously dangerous when combined with alcohol.
All the best, you got this! 🥰
