• Wendy (she/her)@piefed.socialOP
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      1 day ago

      He already doesn’t mention me to others, only talks about his boyfriend, I’m an afterthought, and then he’s romantic with me again so I shut up about what I feel about him

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        24 hours ago

        Sorry, I assumed this was a meme post, not an actually ongoing event.

        If this is actually real then uh yeah, I’m sorry.

        Sounds like part of you is already aware of what is happening, but another part doesn’t want to fully accept it.

        I’ve been there before, and yeah… it really sucks.

          • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            23 hours ago

            Honestly, if I were you, knee jerk advice is to break it off.

            Like I said, I’ve been in the same situation before, more than once… best case scenario is essentially:

            You somehow get back together, but you will not be able to fully trust them and will always feel inadequate.

            Not a good set up.

            Doesn’t have to be messy, dramatic, … hell, you could just ghost him back.

            But yeah, I’d say the sooner you try to accept that this isn’t likely to work out, you’re hurt, he doesn’t seem to care… sooner you get to processing that, the better.


            However, I don’t actually know all the details, there potentially could be some important missing context.

            I am assuming that you two have been like, a monogamous couple for something like 3-6 months + … maybe no, maybe its a significantly different situation?

            Maybe think it over for a day or two?

            Try to get to the point where its not the predominant thing in your mind, or to the point its not in the back of your mind?

            Always helpful to try to have a clear head, step back from the situation as much as you can.

            • Wendy (she/her)@piefed.socialOP
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              22 hours ago

              Ok, so I figured it out. This guy is going to be in the military. So Will gets attached easily to people besides me and he doesn’t wanna miss time on him

            • Wendy (she/her)@piefed.socialOP
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              22 hours ago

              Me and Aiko have been dating for 4 years, engaged for 11 months. Will, my boyfriend, and I have been dating for about 4 months. I have figured it out and the more I think about it (or don’t!) the more I lose feelings for him because all he talks about is his boyfriend, but then he’s flirty or romantic with me and is very touchy and kissy so then I wanna go back to him and I just melt.

              He doesn’t wanna hang out with me, even saying he doesn’t really feel like it, but then he will if he feels it’s mandatory, like in therapy where you have to pay a fee if you don’t show up without calling in. And yeah, he left me on read again so he definitely found his phone and just ghosted me.

              • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                21 hours ago

                Wait ok what.

                So you are… engaged to Aiko… and also have been dating Will for 4 months?

                And you’ve made 2 other comments as well.

                So… I’m confused…

                Are you… dating or otherwise partnered with two people at the same time?

                Am I understanding this right?

                ???

    • SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      1 day ago

      One of my exes “broke” her phone while working in another country … given things that happened after, she was absolutely cheating on me.

      The intensely stupid thing is that I’d been in a poly relationship when we got together, so if she wanted to go off and get some vitamin D I would have egged her on.

      I really don’t understand cheaters.

      • apotheotic (she/her)@beehaw.org
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        1 day ago

        It really is so telling when people who are in poly relationships cheat. Like. What the fuck. The door was wide open and you walked into the wall, then pulled the door closed on your own foot

        • SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          1 day ago

          Couldn’t have put it better myself!

          Something to do with getting a thrill from cheating I guess?

          But, like, getting whatever combination of people to fuck you in whatever configuration you want, and maybe with an audience, isn’t enough of a thrill?

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        1 day ago

        Cheaters are selfish, greedy, insecure, gaslighting liars.

        It truly is wild that people will be in a situation where they are totally able to do something so long as they are forthcoming about it… but nope, they can’t do it, they can’t be honest.

        They feel like they don’t owe explanations to people for behavior they know is shitty, and justify their own clandestine behavior out of ultimately selfishness.

        They’re greedy cowards.

        I’ve long been of the mind that yes, poly, enm, yes, it can work in theory, and sometimes in practice… but the people involved have to be significantly more morally/ethically responsible, significantly more mature and well adjusted than the average person actually is… and, via the nature of more people being involved than a tradtional 1 to 1 relationship, you’re introducing more potential failure points.

        I am sure that there are some enm setups, polycules that are stable and not toxic or abusive.

        I am also sure that there are many more that are extremely dramatic and full of insane bullshit.