I live in a shitty apt complex and my old man neighbor keeps harassing us by ringing our doorbell then running away but the thing is he is a weirdo and watches out the window and specifically does this when he knows I’m gone and my gf is home alone. Half the time he runs away but when my gf tells him to stop he gets super aggressive and starts yelling calling her a fucking stupid bitch and saying shit like she should die or her mom should have killed her. He first started by opening his door every time my gf would come in or out of our place and be like “hey girl” and watch her coming or leaving from out his window
We’ve tried talking to his partner who works and is gone a lot and we hear her yelling at him all the time but nothing changes, we’ve tried talking to the apt office several times but they say they can’t do anything other tell us to call them every time it happens or file police reports. Well today we called the office because it happened again and the person working there acted all annoyed we were reporting it and got mad at our frustration that they refuse to do anything
i really dont know what to do anymore he’s making her feel unsafe and with the way he’s escalated his aggressiveness its hard to say what he is or isn’t capable of anymore, especially when he knows im not there. I don’t want to get the police involved and I don’t want to beat an old man’s ass because that would just put me in jail
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Document everything and send your landlord written letters each time it happens, and yes unfortunately you may have to file police reports if he starts threatening her life like that. Under the fair housing act, landlords will be held liable if they fail to act due to harassment based on a protected class.
Because he is harassing spcificaly a woman, you might be able to make a case that he’s violating the fair housing act. If the landlord fails to take action, you should try filing a complaint to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. You must file within one year of the dated incident.
we’ve been documenting it as best we can, will look into the fair housing act ty
Could he be senile?
That’s my immediate thought because the behavior seems childish and the interactions are obviously volatile, as if he is offended that your gf confronts him about the actions he may not remember doing.
This is no excuse for you or your wife to feel unsafe in your own home. I just want to share that perspective in case it’s not just the guy being an asshole sport.
That said, I agree with what another poster said about documenting everything. Also, as much as I don’t normally like dealing with cops, a paper trail through official channels could probably help…
this would be my advice as well. document as much as you can and create some paper trails.
this is one of those situations where taking things into your own hands would be too high risk. as much as aggressive elderly people might need to be reminded that a dignified place in community is predicated on their having developed wisdom and maturity, usually the laws escalate penalties with elderly victims as “aggravating circumstances”.
also, fuck your landlord/management complex. this is their ethical and legal obligation, so as you’re documenting, keep annoying the shit out if them reporting it, documenting their inactivity, and telling them you’re documenting their inactivity. i am not surprised, but i am disgusted.
i dont know what your relationship is like with other neighbors, but its probably worth finding out if others are being subjected to this and joining forces. that could prove invaluable.
sorry that you and your partner are going through this. we should all feel safe and secure in and around our homes. our institutions should provide this for us at a base line and not put us into circumstances where we have to operate outside them or otherwise take complex steps and practice hypervigilance. to me, this is a fundamental expectation of community, and when its not provided, it exposes fundamental institutional failure.
i dont know what your relationship is like with other neighbors, but its probably worth finding out if others are being subjected to this and joining forces. that could prove invaluable.
This is a great idea too. Maybe they have some insight and would be willing to collaborate on a formal complaint.
he does the same kind of stuff with our other neighbor, she has a ring type doorbell and yells at him through there even when she isn’t home. he’s stolen her deliveries that get left at her door before and we’ve heard her go over there and demand them back. I’ve been trying to get a hold of her for a while now but I never see her home. will probably leave a note on her door asking her to contact us to coordinate
Talk into her ring, if you leave a note the freak will probably take it, but she apparently remotes into the ring sometimes
he’s not senile but we can tell he just isn’t all there mental wise. its like he’s being an asshole for sport but its compulsive when his wife/partner isn’t home. he screams at ppl out the windows and one time this group of kids was like SHUT THE FUCK UP OLD MAN which was really funny
This is not legal advice: If it were me I would straight up threaten him. I would simply tell him if I ever hear that he has interacted with my partner in any capacity again I would find him alone and break his fucking legs or hip or whatever. I would tell him he is old and it would be very believable that he simply had a fall.
That’s just me though.
Edit: to be clear I would not follow through with that most likely but I would put the fear of god into that man. Short of getting police involved (which I would also not want to do) that is the only solution that comes to mind. I don’t know how scary you can be but I can be pretty fucking persuasive and/or intimidating if need be.
Here’s the thing: What if you do that and HE gets police involved?
Denny it completely and tell them that he’s been threatening her and that this behavior is further harassment. There’s a decent chance that a piece of shit like this has other incidents in his record and if you haven’t made a habit of threatening old men then they’re not going to do shit.
My concern is escalating it directly with him like that is tempting him to escalate directly with her. He knows that you’re not the kind of person who regularly threatens people because you didn’t do it the first time it happened.
I’ve known someone like this and my experience is they were recording every everything they did to harass others so they could get a “gotcha” out of context. Mine was harassing myself and my partner (and, I found out later, a couple other people) and it took a very, very long time (and a huge public blowup from them) to get rid of this person. They never would have been dealt with if they kept their cool and just quietly harassed people like they had been doing for years.
ive really considered it but my gf doesn’t want me to and I respect her wishes
I’ll take your illegal advice under consternation
When you say “old man” how old and how physically capable are we talking?
Yeah, anime has been calling me an old man for 6 years now and i’m 35
“I’ll bust your motherfuckin’ shit and I’m an old man”
-Freddie Foxxx, in this mid-40s
I personally don’t see 40s being “old man” territory, but I suppose in the context of being tough in a rap song, I’ll give him that.
like a rough mid-late 50s or 60s. doesn’t seem too physically capable but my gf doesn’t want any physical altercation with him, either me or her.
Yeah ok not OLD old then… That’s a problem, dude’s dangerous.
Old guys fall down and get hurt all the time
Maybe buy one of those stickers that says “In this home we don’t call the cops we call the lord jesus christ and his giant fucking GLOCK!” and put it on your door.
I had a maintenance man that was a creep like this to my girlfriend back in my youth. I put in a slide lock, put a golf club by the door and we both carried mace on our key-chains for a bit. Didn’t stop him from being a creep, so it was a contributing factor to not renewing our lease. You could let you landlord know that unless it’s addressed you won’t renew and see if that spurs action.
definitely won’t be renewing but our lease is until december. on top of this situation in the last week my car got broken into and they destroyed my drivers side door lock. Thankfully I don’t keep anything of value in my car and have a steering wheel lock on it to prevent theft. 99.99% certain it isn’t the same guy
Ring his doorbell repeatedly when his partner isn’t home to annoy him and if he opens the door absolutely drown his face in pepper spray while screaming IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED OLD MAN BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE FUCKING GETTING
if it were just me I probably would but I don’t want him to retaliate towards my gf when I’m not home
No see that’s why you need to put such fear into him that the very thought of it makes his eyes pop out
he seems too mentally unfit to be afraid of a verbal threat, like I’d have to follow through and it would make things worse I feel
oh, uh, yeah, I was suggesting a verbal threat, uh, right. Im not THAT unhinged
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Your area probably has some sort of Department of Aging or some other social agency that supports elderly people. It might be worth making a call to them since this person seems like they might be senile and not getting the support they need.
I would definitely stop answering the door and have something defensive by the door and pepper spray or something else in hand when she leaves the apartment. Hopefully ignoring him helps but if not I would want to be able to defend myself if it came to that.
If he’s like pounding on the door until she answers maybe it would be good to record this from inside your apartment in case you do need the police or something later
we have something defensive by the door but im looking into pepper spray now.
he doesn’t pound on the door he just rings our doorbell a bunch and its one of those thats a loud BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ sound that scares the shit out of one of our cats
Can you remove the doorbell, or better yet, keep it there but disable it the noise, or reduce the volume? You can put a towel over the speaker or something to muffle the sound. Remove the battery from the button if it has one. have people call you when they come instead of ringing.
I’ve watched way too much true crime to know this ends very badly. Best course of action is running away from that place if possible, i don’t know what else would work, cops never do anything until a tragedy happens.
“Reasonable enjoyment”
Tell your landlord they need to provide this, and your problems magically go away
They will also jack up your rent and try to make you leave, but it will solve the problem
This is federal law, and very very clear.
get some pepper spray and put it near the door, while you jump through hoops? it will make it safer for her and more confident (maybe), cause at least it’s some plan of action if he goes beyond verbal harassment
gonna do this for sure
