I present to the court the following evidence:
Pfeffy has 17147 downvotes to 747 upvotes, a near 23 to 1 downvote ratio.
Further perusing their comments will show that they don’t need a bot when they can be their own bottomless pit of negativity. This is truly a marvel of organic use of the lemmyverse, albeit for evil.
I urge them to fall on the mercy of the court and trust that justice will be swift.
That is a crazy number! What is even the point of being on Lemmy if you hate the content that much? I can’t wrap my head around it! lolol
They’ve been here for over two years and from what I can tell they’ve hated every second of it. Truly a marvel of human endurance.
Oh my.
That number is higher than the number of stars I see in the sky while digging through the dumpsters behind the RadioShack down the road from me, and that RadioShack has been closed since 2017.
This Court therefore finds the defendant SUPER GUILTY, which is one full level above regular guilty and carries consequences I have not yet completely invented!!
The defendant is hereby sentenced to serve as a middle manager at Best Buy for no fewer than 37 years, with no possibility of promotion, comfortable shoes, or escape.
Additionally, every morning at opening time, the defendant shall personally stand at the front door and deal with the Pokémon card scalpers, explain the purchase limits, absorb their complaints, and repeatedly say, “Sir, I understand you got here at 4:30 a.m., but the policy is the policy.”
May all the Lemmy Gods have mercy on his soul.
This Court will not.
Your honerable judge, I would like to officially file an appeal for the following items
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A reduction in from the finding of super guilty to a finding of guilty
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A reduction in unprecedly harsh punishing
While, I do not contest that my client is serial down-voter, this court has a not adequately taken into consideration my cliants 747 upvotes. It is my belief that this shows a willingness to act as a positive member of Lemmy. Given these circumstances, I would petition the court to change this harsh punitive punishment to one that will help to rehabilitate my client, helping them become a productive member of society. There is precedent for such action, as in case number 80086, a much younger account without a single upvote was senticed to watch “the wiggles” in accordance with reduced sentencing, I move to reduce my clients verdect to guilty as the prosecution has not produced any evidence damages that could elevate my clients crime to super guilty past statistics, which on there own have not historically been sufficient as accounts with drastically worse ratios have only been found guilty.
Furthermore, I would like to officially apply to be a public defender of accounts when I feel like it and have something to say, if it pleases the court.
You bring up some valid points, Counselor. Reminds me of the time back in 1982 when E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial came out for the Atari 2600.
My Aunt Jolene gave me a copy as a gift. There were two problems: First, I was 42 years old and had absolutely no idea what an E.T. was. Second, I didn’t own an Atari.
So naturally, I went to see the movie. Imagine my shock when that little fellow, E.T., appeared on the screen and looked almost identical to the 83-year-old Jazzercise instructor I was fooling around with at the time.
Bernice Huettenmueller. So amazing. She had sags and wrinkles in all the right places, if you know what I mean.
And between you and me and God, Counselor, when she took her dentures out…
Good Lord Almighty! We’re talking better than a grilled cheese sandwich on Sunday.
Naturally, my affection for Bernice transferred almost immediately to E.T. So I ran straight to RadioShack, purchased myself an Atari 2600, raced home, plugged that magnificent machine into the television, and slid E.T. into the console with my lips trembling in anticipation.
And then…
THE PITS.
Those motherfucking pits. I found the pieces of the telephone. I walked toward freedom. I fell into a pit. I levitated out. I walked three feet.
ANOTHER PIT.
I couldn’t fucking get out. I tried everything. I went left. Right. Up. Down. Prayer. Threats.
Nothing worked!
Counselor, I never turned that Atari off. Not once. It’s been running continuously since 1982. I’ve never stopped playing. I am, at this very moment, still in that same pit.
Because that’s what separates men like me from normal men. From well-adjusted men.
I call it love for the greatest video game ever made. And Bernice.
So as I sit here watching my adorable little E.T. continue his seemingly hopeless struggle against that pit, I realize something. He reminds me of you, Counselor. You came before this Court despite overwhelming evidence that the Judge is completely unreasonable. He is. Because I am he. So I know he best. Me best. I.
That kind of can-do attitude is becoming an asset to your client’s case. And let it never be said that this Court is not a Just and Merciful Court.
Therefore, after carefully reviewing your appeal, the defendant’s upvotes, the precedent established in some case I can’t remember, Bernice’s Jazzercise routine, and my ongoing 44-year attempt to get E.T. out of a hole, this Court hereby GRANTS SENTENCE REDUCTION.
The finding of SUPER GUILTY is reduced to merely:
GUILTY!
Furthermore, the defendant’s previous sentence is hereby VACATED.
In its place, the defendant is sentenced to serve as a middle manager at Best Buy for a period of no fewer than:
36 years, 11 months, and 15 days.
The defendant shall be responsible for employee scheduling, inventory discrepancies, customer complaints, and explaining to angry people why the television they purchased three years ago is no longer eligible for return.
As for your application to become Public Defender of Accounts Whenever You Feel Like It and Have Something to Say…
HIRED.
Effective immediately.
You now have full authority to represent any accused Lemmy account whenever inspiration strikes you.
There is, however, one condition: If this Court discovers that you have ever referred to marijuana as “pot,” your appointment shall be immediately revoked and you will be banned to the very depths of Hell.
So say me. This is now Lemmy Law.
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Is this what they call a “victim-less crime”?
Depends on whether you’re the target.
Imagine you start a small community about Red-Hooded Woodpecker chicks because you genuinely enjoy them. But months earlier, you disagreed with someone over something stupid, like whether C++ is the best programming language, and they became fixated on you.
Now every post you make gets downvoted within seconds, no matter the topic or community. And your poor Red-Hooded Woodpecker Chicks community has posts that are in the negative. Doesn’t look very pretty.
So you block and ban the stalker downvoter, easy enough, right?
But then they create 13 more accounts and keep following you around. They do it for a year and even tell you in DM’s they won’t stop. They send you a laughing DM every time they send you a downvote. They falsely report you to admins and mods constantly.
Would that make you want to participate more, or less?
That’s basically what happened to me. I’m not going anywhere, so the effort is wasted.
But someone else might simply decide Lemmy isn’t worth the harassment. I’ve noticed it happening to others who are just trying to add content to community as well. That’s why I started this community.
I joke about it all in this community, but this kind of behavior absolutely can drive others away from the platform.
Note to my own personal stalker: I’m not going anywhere. Your effort is wasted. But it does give me a chance to bring that sort of troubling behavior to light, so all can see. :)
