This is a topic that I see as part of what I like to call my “coercive continued relationship to masculinity” (CCRTM). I mean, the sheer number of assorted joys and experiences that I denied myself as a kid because I “didn’t want to look girly”, right? Media and toys like this video is about for one, but also other hobbies, different ways of presenting myself, events I could’ve gone to, people I could’ve met or befriended, the whole shebang. Because I had an implicit understanding of the violence that comes with not “following the script”, I ended up following the script even more strictly for my safety, becoming an enforcer of gender norms for a gender I’m not even a part of, damaging myself and others in the process. And what ultimately came out of all of this pointless damage? I still ended up becoming a girl, just one with insecurities around not having a “girly enough” childhood. The laws of entropy meant that even with the strictest obedience, I couldn’t stop myself from eventually “watching the girly show” anyways, and once that happened, then I really couldn’t hide from the truth forever. Strict enforcement of this childish masculinity couldn’t help the fact that the masculinity was built on very shaky ground to begin with. I like to think of my history of gender as a sort of “mental revolution”, with different dictatorships, reigns of terror and periods of liberalism, the building of dual power, all of that.

MEN, I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE LOVED!

You should watch SPARKLE ON RAVEN: The Life of DrillGirl; it is a very good show. CēterumFurthermore cēnseōI think iūs auctōriscopyright esse dēlendummust be destroyed.