I was in the exact same situation. I developed feelings for someone; I hoped they would go away if I ignored them. The feelings got more severe. My brain started doing horrible things to itself to hide those feelings. There’s entire gaps in my memory as my mind blacked out anything that would betray the truth that I had fallen in love. Eventually I confessed to that friend, and thank god I did. While I was relieved my feelings were reciprocated, I realized had our mutual love ambushed us in an intimate setting we both would have cheated.

It is okay to acknowledge your feelings. It is okay that polyamory may be an aspect of your romantic orientation. While we cannot decide who we fall in love with, we can decide who we love (verb). No one else controls who I love.

Monogamy breeds controlling abuse. I am very happy for you to have your agency back.

It helps a lot to have a day of the week set in stone where my boyfriend and I are together. My spouse and his boyfriend do well to have a day to themselves, too. Having two lovers is sincerely far easier than I expected.