the ONLY* macedonian tankie

terminal sleep deprivation increases hatred for the bourgeoisie

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Joined 2 months ago
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Cake day: June 5th, 2026

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  • CW: mention of death, suicide, drug use, etc.

    awful stuff

    Is it unrealisic to want someone who doesn’t drink, smoke, or do anything else as a potential partner? Living in a country where those things are the norm, and you are seen as weak for not doing them makes it extremely difficult to find anyone at all. At times I feel like he only person in all of the balkans who doesn’t drink. I’d rather die of natural causes than smoke, and would rather kill myself than vape. Not that I want to die in the slightest, but I find death preferable to drug use. I wish I could say that “I let people enjoy things”, but I’m a serial hater, whether it be gatekeeping bands, or hating the bourgeoisie. I think I only brcame straight edge due to being traumatized by other peoples drug use (something that I’m not gonna get into now). To me it like a very individualist “solution” to drug use. I can’t help but put people down for whatever they do (finding out someone smokes instantly makes me think less of them), and that is a personal failing that is going to take some time to rectify. Seeing someone you love resorting to self medication instead of pursuing help is a horrible thing to see. There are definetly easier ways to learn not to hang out with the bourgeoisie than traumatising yourself. But this is definetly getting in the territory of self-pity, so it’s best to leave this rant here.

    Is it an autism thing or a writing essay thing to seperate rants into paragraphs?












  • I think Yugoslavia could be studied here. Serbo-croation as a sort of official language along with the languages of all nationalities in the federation is a probably a good basis for a form of international language. Perhaps something more along the lines of conglomerates of a language group used between speakers of languages in the same group, with a certain international language taught to everyone. However I do think the third language is a bit of a reach, (being trilingual-ish), but two languages could be managable for most people.




  • I feel american hyperindividualism creates a picture for people that by 18 they will be their own person, on their own, totally free to do as they please. And that they won’t be shackled to their parents or anyone else. Here in the balkans people in their 40s live with their parents, but that is likely more an economic issue along with different family dynamics. Financial freedom (and moreover freedom to live as one wishes) is incredibly difficult to obtain by design, and is usually only achievable for the bourgeois or petty bourgeois. If the workers have freedom to live as they please, then the bourgeosie cannot exploit the workers for their value, and thus the system starts collapsing (really bulshitting my way through this if you can’t tell, point is that financial freedom is contradictory to exploitation). Time (tends to) heal all wounds. For now I think it’s best to plan ahead as to getting to a point where you can be financially comfortable, enough to be able to live on your own, college or not.




  • Sort of had a similar experience this april. First time I was into someone in a good 3 years. I delayed my rejection by a month and a half due to being too afraid to talk to her again (rejection is a very strong word, she just wasn’t interested, and she was almost too kind with how she said it). I really want to be over it, but I have way too hard of a time letting go of things (in general) and now I just feel like complete shit. Just needed a place to say all this, I’ve got no real friends left and no idea how to make more. The more time goes on the harder it is to interact in general, talking to someone I was crushing on took what felt like a herculean amount of bravery and the literal perfect coditions to happen. This is the only place where I feel like I can speak to people without being terrifed (due to feelings, growing introversion or general anxiety, and the fact that I am likely autistic and am completely unable to guess what people are going to think and say). Doubting my own asexuality is just another thing I do not want right now. For now I think a way to get back on track with everything is to start reading theory again, and maybe doing something else fulfilling. Sorry for the overly long infodump, I just need anyone to see this, I have learned that in abscence of help simply being heard helps me deal with everything. One thing for certain is that lemmygrad gives me a little hope. The same kind of hope I felt when I first became a marxist not too long ago.

    I’m not going anywhere comrades, and as for relationships, don’t lose hope comrade, you’ll find someone sooner or later. o7