I’m a Black man in the Pacific Northwest, and I’ve been thinking about interracial dating, especially Black men dating Asian women. I want to be clear: I’m not here to attack Asian people, Asian women, Black women, white people, or anyone else. I’m asking because I’m genuinely trying to understand the conversation better.
I’ve dated Asian women before, including a Vietnamese woman I still think highly of because she was mature, open-minded, and not racist. I was young then and my intentions were different then. I was offered to marry an Asian woman but I declined; The person of interest behaved one way in front of her parents, another way around her friends and a different way around my friends, and overall she treated me like I was an experiment. I side eyed her a lot. She was 4 years older than me. My interest is not based on stereotypes or fetishizing. I’m attracted to different kinds of women, and I try to see people as individuals. But when I search Reddit or read comments online, I often see people joking or implying that Asian women prefer white men over Black men, or that Black men should not even bother. Sometimes it feels like there is a quiet racial hierarchy being reinforced, where whiteness is treated as the safest or most accepted option, and Black men are treated as undesirable, threatening, or socially costly. That makes me wonder: where is the real conversation about this?
For Black men who are open to dating Asian women, how do you deal with the possibility of racist family members, cultural pressure, or being seen as a “problem” before someone even knows you? And for those who have been in these relationships, was it worth it? Did the woman actually stand with you, or did you end up carrying the emotional weight alone?
I also wonder about the Asian women who may be open to dating Black men but feel pressure from family, community, or stereotypes. I have read that Asian parents instruct and or educate their children early off to not date Black people. So I wonder when I see this type of couple out and about; even though it’s rare in my location…Is there real support for those couples? Or do people mostly avoid talking about it because it is uncomfortable?
I know some Black people believe we should only date within our own race. I do not personally believe that is the only answer. At the same time, I understand why some people feel exhausted by interracial dating when racism, stereotypes, and family disapproval are involved.
So my question is: Black people, where are we on this conversation? Should Black men who are interested in Asian women just accept the risk and deal with the issues as they come? Or is it sometimes wiser to avoid situations where racism from family, community, or society may become a constant burden? And for thought, is this something to be combating as a narrative, for those who may need the backup and support?
I’m not looking for hate toward any group. I’m looking for honest experiences, advice, and perspective — especially from Black men who have dated Asian women, Black women who have observed this dynamic, and people who have dealt with racist families in interracial relationships.
Main question: How do Black men navigate dating Asian women when racism, family pressure, stereotypes, and social judgment may be part of the relationship? Should we keep an open heart, or protect our peace?
Thanks…to be honest, I’m pretty much over it. I am not a racist but it’s kinda hard to be nice to people who I think are inherently racist.
So, I walk past Asians almost everyday now. I’m from Chicago and there are area’s where you just don’t see an Asian person versus downtown or Chinatown. Here, in the Pacific Northwest, and in my commute or frequent routes, I see Africans, Whites, Blacks, Latinos, Arabs and Asians (a large mix: API’s, Southeast Asian and the exotic “pool”) in the same stores, on the same trains. Now, I haven’t gone looking for a predominant Asian neighborhood or community or anything like that, hell, I haven’t even asked an actual Asian person that I know this posted question face to face and I talk to some Asian people in a professional manner but not personal.
My point is, when it’s convenient for the AF in public, they get in a close proximity to me for safety of a more determined threat. Not every person is the same, I know this. However, it’s is very much the case that more Asian male and female tend to avert their eyes or situate themselves away from other Black or African people or myself when it’s white people or no one else around.
I don’t have to take any offense to that. But it is viewed and I think to myself, I could say fuck Asian people and join the anti-asian people. I’m not; But I dont even know who is attacking them or why. I don’t know any sane Black person who speaks or acts hostile toward Asian people. I only really know my white pals who love or fetishize over Asian people. And not all or every type of Asian. Most of my Black friends don’t (a better way to put it) are not attracted to Asian women. It’s because the image and or stereotype is that AF’s don’t have large bums. And are often flat chested. I beg to disagree but I’m me and I love all types of females and often times, I see the AF and her body type as a plus. Petite is a nice aging trait.
Now, I HAVE heard of Black females stating they wouldn’t mind an Asian man’s attention but I have not heard or can recall a Black female stating a resentment or personal relationship of hate or disdain for an Asian man. I have only heard of the distrust and rudeness of an Asian restaurant and the fallout being projected as racism. I know of the stupid stereotype of a Chinese restaurant and animals we call pets. But I take it as a intended rude and bigot joke.
I can’t speak for any Black female and I don’t speak for every Black male. The conversation people are offering in response to my posted questions (which may not be the best framing of the question) is shallow, ignorant, one sided, obnoxious, intentional obfuscation, deflection and bad-faith engagement. Majority of the response don’t seem to come from a Black or Asian person with experience to the question. I appreciate the responses because it provides ME some context.
I don’t think this platform has a large pool or community of people of color to begin with. But to be honest I don’t know and I am not going to research that.
So, I kinda figured just leave Asian people alone. I’m only one person. I highly doubt my business or engagement would change a whole body of people. Seriously. I mean, I thought I liked Asian people but, I just might like my Filipino male friends, Thai male friends and Japanese anime. And some Asian foods. And samurai and swords…and…nevermind.
I don’t like reading that their parents teach them to be this or that way towards Black people. My parents and step parents, nor my relatives, taught me to hate or dislike any people. They WARNED me about white people but, were clear that white people are not all the same. They warned me about how (I’m ashamed of this part) all other race kiss ass up to white people. They for the majority agree that white people hold the highest status in the society as we know it but, that in order to have done that that white people shitted on every race throughout history. I studied some history too and came to that conclusion too. But I still don’t treat every white person as the racist person in a history book.
It was said that, when I was a kid, the Asian people or China would take over the world. Outsmart and outnumber us all. As a naive child then, watching so many karate and taekwondo films, I believed it and mentally sided with the idea with excitement. As I got older my opinion of China clearly changed but I still was excited about the Asian population and wanted to align with them in partaking of food and culture sharing. I’m from the South Side of Chicago so…that was a uncommon thing for most. Not for me per se because I ventured downtown a lot and have and had family on the North side. I think the Asian community there is different though.
I dated Asian females. However, I was oblivious to the racist portion, if there was any from the parents. I don’t know if I was hidden or just lucky.
But I didn’t and don’t just date one race. I maybe a lucky guy with looks or something but I don’t know if that’s the case and that be solid 🤔
However, after seeing what I see now in Washington state, I kinda want to help personally but, I see this lack of interest or purposeful distance too much that it’s started to make me feel like: Don’t support them, leave them alone, let them suffer in silence like most Black people do…I don’t know. Like, if or when a Asian is attacked and it’s on the news, I should not care. Be numb to the entire process. Wait for the next segment to come on or just turn the channel. As an American and former Marine I’m conflicted and I don’t think it’s right. But I feel like I have to choose a side.
I’m telling my truth. That’s my feeling and how I felt.
If you read this…shaking my head. Have a blessed life in this strange fucked up world. Cause it’s just weird 😕