Short version, I wanna change my names (first and middle two) sometime this year to something more audibly enby. I have a bunch of stuff I think sounds neat, but is that all it needs?
Like it feels fake at some level, or like an affectation. I don’t know what names resonate with me or if they’re even supposed to. I feel like this is a common experience so maybe I could get some advice?
I do want names that stand out, but also ones that don’t make me sound full of myself, but…also need something that resonates with me and I’m so confused and lost 
My number one advice is honestly to talk to someone you know in person. Give them a narrowed down list of name ideas, but be open to them coming up with new ideas based on your list. It’s a lot harder to feel full of yourself if you weren’t the one that picked the name, and it’s a lot easier to tell if you resonate with the name if you’re hearing it from someone else.
If you have no-one you can talk to in person, then I and other Internet strangers are open to hearing your name ideas.
My other bit of advice is to write. Pen names, self-inserts, and similar can be a good way to test out different names. The stakes feel lower because you aren’t naming yourself, you’re naming someone who is Totally Not Yourself, and naming other people is always easier than naming yourself.
9·3 months agoIf possible… Try them out. Do you like it when others call you that, or at least do you not hate it?
i’ll try doing that, I’ve also thought about introducing myself as a test name to strangers and gauging reactions
Intuition and joy essentially. I love my mom and always looked to her as a role model for compassion. So, snagging her middle and maiden name. Plus it sounds good with my first name.
I saw mine written on a T shirt and thought “Huh. Neat” and now it’s mine
I also have a different nickname which I use sometimes. I got it earlier this week after my grandfather had a brain fart and called me it out of nowhere. I liked it so I kept it. I’m not out to him and I have no idea where he got the name from
Yeah that’s probably the best way of doing it, just find something I think sounds neat
idk why it was so easy for me compared to other people but like… it just stuck on the ways that other names didn’t? if you want to take more time with picking one out then go for it
If you are lucky enough to have accepting parents you can ask them for suggestions. That is how I got my name.
Finding a name that’s gender neutral, but still similar to the original name.
Like, find a big list of gender neutral names that start with the same letter as your deadnames (so you can keep your initials, and maybe your signature, depending), and pick out what you like.
Or, if you want to get creative, there’s tons of things you could do. A word from the title of a book you like, literal random generation, ask your friends what name fits, and more.
Look up birth year common names and go from the top down. A name’s what you make of it.
So far my only inkling of an alternative name is just a feminized version of my name I used in Pokemon long ago.
I don’t think a name needs to be that important personally. I personally fond of not using a name though (granted I’ve only done that once with someone I saw regularly - never was a problem, but we didn’t have any outside connections whom I would need some sort of convenient identifier for).
I don’t think a name needs to be that important personally.
Honestly agree. It’s good to have some attachment to a name, but the significance of the name can be pretty bare-bones and the attachment can come over time.
we didn’t have any outside connections whom I would need some sort of convenient identifier for
This is how I’d predict that would go:
Month 1: “Yeah, this was just some thing I went to last month with… You know, the one without a name, that person. So anyways, they were…”
Month 2: “So, the one without a name was here the other day…”
Month 3: [writing in a notebook] “Gift ideas for T.O.W.A.N.”
Month 4: [texting] “but i don’t think towan would like that…”
Month 5: “Hey have you seen Towan around?”
Sometimes people try out names to see what sparks happiness. It can make a difference to hear someone else call you by a name. Is there anyone that could test out names with you?
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