Oh no, my miserable life that’s devoid of any connection and anyone altogether otherwise *at least contains a friend.
What the fuck man, is this a real concern average people have that I’m way too fucking alienated to understand
Oh no, my miserable life that’s devoid of any connection and anyone altogether otherwise *at least contains a friend.
What the fuck man, is this a real concern average people have that I’m way too fucking alienated to understand
Interesting, can you expand on this and why you shouldn’t be friends with someone you’re attracted to? Like, do you think ‘platonic’ and ‘romantic’ are binary conditions?
I’m not aaying you’re wrong but I’m interested in why you think it’s strictly disingenuous. I completely agree with the rest of what you said btw
Because if you continue hanging out with that person, the feelings will always remain. Like I said, maybe they somehow changed, but honestly, will a guy (this example is hetero-cis obv) who was initially attracted to a girl and then told “hey let’s just be friends” actually change his feelings? I mean they’re feelings because we kind of can’t control them. So the guy needs to be honest with himself and with the girl. Otherwise he’s basically staying in there to “try and get in” at a later time. That’s disingenuous. He’s better off spending his time trying with someone else. Maybe in that case he can remain friends with the girl since he has other options.
Not strictly but they are more cut and dry then people like to think. And it seems to be perceived differently along gender lines (at least for straight cis relationships). Check out this video and look at the responses: https://youtu.be/T_lh5fR4DMA?feature=shared.
Now whether these responses are socially conditioned or somehow “innate” is a debate I leave to the scientists and sociologists, but there is obviously a perceived difference. I mean just look up “friend zone” standup routines on youtube or anywhere really, people talk about it all the time (https://youtube.com/shorts/zbjMJBixZI8?feature=shared and https://youtu.be/_KE6Y3VrMg4?feature=shared). The truth is that there are many dudes basically remaining in “friendships” disingenuously in order to get with the girl. This is not only disingenuous, but if the guy harbors resentment on being only considered “a friend” then it can lead to violent outbursts later in the “friendship.” So it’s not only bad for the guys involved, but can be potentially life-threatening for the women. So like I said, it’s better to admit how you feel and if you still have those feelings, it’s probably better to maybe be aquiantances at best, but not friends (unless your feelings have actually changed, which I think represents a tiny, tiny, tiny fraction of those who get friendzoned).
I’ve remained friends with people I was attracted to and that the other person knew I was attracted to, and those friendships have lasted for many years. It is possible. You don’t speak for everyone.
I know, and I never claimed to. That’s great that it worked out for you, and I’m happy.
I in turn acknowledge that getting romantically rejected does hurt and that hurt is real.
I just don’t want that hurt to further worsen the dating pool and the systemic antagonism between (often cishet) men and women where the former get caught up in the “friendzone” concept and sometimes harbor rage against the latter, rage that often makes those women more likely to “friendzone” others because the alternatives can involve violence during a date that goes sour and all they’re trying to do is let the guy off easy, which yes isn’t really a friendship but also over times makes nonromantic friendships that much rarer between those groups.
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