i really don’t like erratic behavior, defensive behavior, or people who act off in any way (in a bad way) but someone said i was ableist for this.
like someone got upset bc i said a character was handsome and they said “why do u like the character bc theyre handsome when u dont know the character” and i never said i knew them. or that i liked them. i just found them handsome from the photo.
There seems to be a lot of context missing here.
Your question is pretty jumbled up, and it’s difficult to tell exactly what happened. So I’m going to ignore that and stay general
Ableism isn’t necessarily the same thing as disliking something. As an example, my crippled ass uses a cane. It isn’t if the sound of the cane on pavement bothers you. You may have sensory issues, or a headache, or just not like tapping sounds.
Ablism would be seeing me using the cane and making assumptions based on it.
Being an asshole would be making fun of me for using a cane, whether or not it was also because of ableism where you make assumptions and act with prejudice towards me.
Erratic behavior can be, and usually is disturbing. It draws the eyes, it makes you notice the person. It is perfectly okay to not like that feeling, or to avoid it, even when that behavior is from a disability. It is not okay to treat the person poorly in any way when it’s you that has a problem dealing with something someone can’t help.
That’s when it turns into ablism, when the way you treat the disabled person is different than how you would treat someone without that disability.
However, you are not obligated to stay around a person that is behaving erratically. Doesn’t matter why they are, you have every right to walk the fuck away, and it isn’t a bad thing to do so, as long as doing so doesn’t put then in danger. It is a bad thing to walk away while grumbling about the gods damn noisy cripple, or the crazy Tourette’s tics, or the stimming, or whatever might be making you nervous. You can’t tell why a person is erratic just by looking. But you don’t have to treat anyone poorly.
Also, when you’re the one that dislikes something like that, it’s on you to leave a public space so long as they aren’t being dangerous to themselves or others. Insisting that the person with cerebral palsy fuck off back home is ablist, and being an asshole.
In general, we are all free to like or dislike anything. It’s how we treat people that matters. You could be the biggest bigot in the world, but if you keep it to yourself and never treat anyone poorly, it doesn’t matter.
Now, what is and isn’t actually erratic is not something clearly defined. It just means that they’re behaving in a way that deviates from the norm rendering their behavior unpredictable; and the norm can be pretty fucking dumb sometimes. As an example, someone laughing is not always appropriate, but it isn’t erratic by default, but some people think laughter in public isn’t acceptable, and that they can’t trust people that would behave in such a way. So, that laughter may deviate from the norm, and seem erratic to some people, but seem perfectly normal and happy to others.
But you have to always remember that you don’t automatically have the baseline if what is and isn’t acceptable just because you don’t like it. There’s times you will, but it isn’t automatic, particularly when you’re in public or in shared spaces.
tysm! sorry, my english is very bad
No worries, you aren’t required to have perfect English :)
I guarantee your English is better than anything else I speak.
Your English is better than my efforts at speaking a second language. Be proud of yourself.
There’s a lot of nuance here, and I don’t think anyone can answer the question about ableism sufficiently, but as a demisexual I just want to say that “why do you think the character is handsome when you don’t know the character” seem like words from a person who has not yet discovered they are demi and thinks everyone is just like that lol
Ah, I get it now. Thank you.
Nah. It’s normal to be afraid of what you don’t know. Just try to meet someone who is different.
It depends on how your dislike manifests. If you just take yourself out of the equation and leave them be, that’s self-care. Telling them to stop a behaviour that they can’t help because of some disability, telling them they’re “lesser”, that’s ableist.
How is you liking that character relevant?
Because i thought their behavior is odd snd apparently i was ableist for that
The characters’s behaviour…? I don’t follow. You said you saw a picture?
Generally no, but it depends on how you handle the interaction.
This whole situation seems a bit odd and I can’t help but feel like we’re not really getting the full picture. But at a surface level, if someone takes what is really just a misunderstanding or miscommunication and turns that into a character assassination against you without giving you the chance to explain yourself, that is not something you should feel obligated to just accept.
But it depends a lot of how you handle it. If you just take the opportunity to fire back and make this a “them” problem, knowing they have some mental disability that could have caused them to misread the situation, that would be ableist.
What you could do is simply respond along the lines of “I can understand why you’d feel this way if what you believe is true, but I think I didn’t explain myself clearly, and that’s on me.”
What is “erratic” for you? What is “off in a bad way” for you? There might be a clue in there somewhere.
No, as long as you aren’t mean.
