When I was very early in my career, fresh grad, first job, I wanted to be the “model Asian” that I’d been indoctrinated into by the society around me, and I was very much all about 水无常形，因器而变 (shuǐ wú cháng xíng, yīn qì ér biàn or “water has no constant shape; it changes according to the vessel”). So when I saw someone getting what I know now to be bullied in a meeting, my assumption was that this was the way things should be done; that was business. I changed my behaviour according to my vessel.

Thankfully I had someone with a stronger backbone than me in that meeting; someone also Asian (in his case Korean), but one who was further along the path of not putting up with that shit than I was at the time. He stood up in the meeting, walked over to the woman being bullied, and in a quiet voice (that thundered in my own ears) said, “This is a business not a playground. We are either professionals here, or you’re down a head count of two.”

See, while I was living according to one proverb, he was living according to a better one for the circumstance: 宁为玉碎，不为瓦全 (nìng wéi yù suì, bù wéi wǎ quán or “better to be a broken piece of jade than an intact piece of pottery”). In his mind there was nothing more shameful than standing by peacefully while a gross injustice was being done.

I really wish I’d had the courage to do that instead of him.