I hope this question is not too weird (if so just tell me and I’ll delete it).

As a 21 year old guy from Germany I always admired Americans. What particularly impressed me was their social skills, their outgoing/confident nature and humor.

I don’t know if it’s also connected with being a German but I’m generally a very shy and introverted person. I have very strong social anxiety and just when someone in public or a neighbor sees me, it creates this overwhelming anxiety because I’m so scared that I will embarrass myself and be awkward because I have very bad self esteem and don’t know what to say and how to act. So most of the time I end up saying nothing and hiding myself which is very awkward or I say the bare minimum like to the grocery store cashier like only “Hello” and “Thanks, bye”. I have this extreme amount of shame that’s blocking me.

Germans might often generally be introverted or awkward but I’m on a whole different level.

Then Americans seem like this stark contrast which feels like the exact opposite. It feels like Americans are on a different level of confidence and extroversion than any country I know.

That makes it almost impossible for me to interact with an American as it creates this immense pressure on me (also cause English isn’t my native language).

Even on a daily basis the way they’re having small talks in grocery stores or talk to strangers that they’re walking by seems impossible for me. And I’m afraid that if I ever would go to the US and people talk to me that I would be extremely awkward and don’t say anything and wouldn’t be able to smile. And I’m afraid that this might come over as rude and they think bad of me.

I really would wanna interact with an American in person cause it seems like it could be so enriching but right now that seems impossible.

I was wondering if there is anything particular that makes Americans so good at that or if they have any secret. Or maybe they’re just on a different level cause they’re from the best country in the world and are the best/most capable people in the world.

Cause it’s my ultimate dream to be on that same level and interact with people like Americans.

Maybe it’s impossible for me to get to anything near that and I will simply never be good enough.

  • mr_manager@lemmy.worldEnglish
    17·
    1 day ago

    There are plenty of Americans who suffer from the exact same kind of social anxiety and lack of social confidence that you’re describing. If you’re only meeting or observing Americans who are traveling or living in Germany then your sample is skewed towards the kind of people who have the confidence and experience to travel internationally.

    It sounds to me like you would benefit from talking to a therapist who could help you manage your social anxiety, but if you didn’t want to do that for whatever reason, I would try treating small talk as a skill that you’re trying to get better at. Set yourself a small daily goal - like having one chat about the weather with a cashier while you’re shopping. You can’t skip right to being an expert at small talk; you need to gain confidence and experience. I would like to say to you, in my experience, it’s easiest to talk about things you’re interested in or passionate about. Are there any groups or clubs that meet to engage in hobbies you like? A group like that can help you break through the awkwardness of not knowing what to talk about.

    Personally, I think you sound like a thoughtful, interesting person, and I bet you’d be fun to talk to. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and remember that everyone has these feelings; it’s perfectly natural and not something to get down on yourself about. Sorry for writing a whole novel, but I hope this was helpful in some small way!