At the age of 34, being extremely socially reclusive, and being autistic myself, I don’t really think I have any chance of getting a relationship. I also have issues with staying attached to neurotypical/non-autistic people, people that drink alcohol regularly (I was raised by an alcoholic grandmother, you probably can put the two together), also I’m disabled in other ways too, etc.
A lot of people often like to say “ace/aro/demi people just too disappointed/have too high standards”. Here I am being so disappointed and probably having way too high standards, yet I still vow for a romantic relationship, and thus often feel lonely from it.
Not sure if this will help but here’s my take.
I’m 38 and ace, and I was in a very similar place. Over time, my close friends found their partners, and I ended up feeling even more alone.
I believed I had to earn a healthy relationship. I thought I needed to get physically fit, pay off my debt, and become “worthy” enough. Thankfully, I found a good therapist who helped me step away from that mindset. Personal goals are valuable, but the truth was that I would probably never feel good enough if I kept tying my worth to achievements.
At the same time, I was in an aro-ace relationship with someone who was financially abusing me. That situation was a major factor holding me back.
In the end, the root of many of my struggles was self-hate. It took about a year of therapy to start correcting that. I’m still working on self-compassion, as well as my financial and physical well-being. But I’m now dating someone in a similar situation, and I’m genuinely happy.
So if you’re open to advice, here’s mine: focus on building self-compassion. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be loved.