I felt similarly. I told my close friends that I want to use they/she because even though I want to get to she/her it feels strange before any physical changes.

But, my friends just basically switched to she her and the first time i heard them talking about me (not to me) and I heard them use she it felt incredible. So idk I’m kindof happy they just went straight to it.

One thing I would point out is that social transition isn’t just getting others to see you as a woman; it’s learning to accept yourself as one too. That doesn’t happen without effort and practice, and using new pronouns is one part of that.

I see a lot of posts online by easily passing people who insist that HRT is doing nothing for them. Maybe they’re trolls, but I started girlmoding immediately and I started being gendered female a long time before I was able to see it for myself.

From my experience, I don’t expect I’ll be able to look in the mirror and not see a man at least to some degree for a long, long time, so I’m glad I made the decision to socially transition as soon as I figured out I was trans. I feel if I put the restriction of waiting until I stop seeing a man in the mirror to socially transition, I feel like I never would. Not to say that it’s the same for you, but I’d rather finish reprogramming my brain and the brains of those around me to say and respond to the correct terms sooner rather than later. Transitioning is different for everyone, so how you think is best for you is probably best for you. ❤️

I’ve been there, and it’s always upsetting to hear people invalidate themselves. You aren’t “realizing” anything when you predicate your identity on arbitrary standards of beauty or whatever. Women don’t stop being women if they are ugly. Don’t gatekeep yourself. If some pronouns make you feel good, then use them. Tell others to use them. You are a strong woman for making it this far, and you deserve respect.

The one thing they don’t tell you is that you don’t have to do everything at once, come out to everyone at the same time, etc. Do what feels right for you! There’s not a wrong answer unless it’s something that doesn’t work for you for whatever reason.

You can change your online persona well before your irl. You can have a handful of besties who use your name and pronouns before everyone else. You can come out and ask everyone to respect your new name and never even go on hormones; you can use the mood boost from starting HRT to propel you forward socially!

No one’s journey is identical, and that’s okay. Don’t feel bad for taking the time you need, but don’t delay something wonderful for the sake of other people either. You’ve got this!

You’re obviously free to do whatever you want, but I bet if you shave and get some new clothes and makeup (even better if you can get a friend who’s further into her transition or cis to help), you can feel a lot more feminine than you might think. When I very first realized I was trans, a cis friend of mine picked out what I should buy and did my makeup and I genuinely liked the way I looked for the first time ever.

Also, any time you do feel good about how you look, TAKE PICTURES. You can look back on them when you feel your worst and see the woman you really are.

Not sure where you live so can’t say for sure, but at least in the US the insurance companies generally require social transition prior to medical transition, though it varies on which parts of medical transition require what.

The WPATH guidelines are generally very conservative about making sure the patient is absolutely sure they want to medically transition, though they’re getting better over time. But many insurance requirements still use very old versions of the WPATH SOCs. Part of that can be your providers attesting that you’ve been living socially as that gender for some period of time. In order to get HRT paid for I had to have lived as that gender for at least 6 months and for bottom surgery I had to have been on HRT and loving as the gender for 12 continuous months and still currently as of the prior authorization and surgery. Also, I’m agender and they wouldn’t consider that as valid for the bottom surgery. I had to have lived as a woman. The WPATH guidelines have improved slightly in that HRT doesn’t require living as a particular gender for at least the last 2 revisions and the latest revision only recommends requiring HRT for 6 months for bottom surgery and also mentions exceptions for non-binary people who dont want HRT, but if you want your insurance/public health system to help cover some costs, you have to follow their requirements.

Not wanting to discourage at all, just saying to check with the requirements of your insurance or local public health system for details.

I transitioned socially after starting HRT. Perfectly fine way to go about it.

I gradually changed how I presented myself publicly over around the first 9 months of HRT. I gradually changed my public facing wardrobe from full masc, to plausible deniability, to full fem. Started wearing bras at 4 months. Stared voice training, and began using the new voice in public around 1-2 months. I was out to some people, those who were close friends, and those few who asked. At 9 months my employer published the new annual personnel roster, so I used that as the moment to change my name and pronouns for everyone.

I love the comment about being a bloater. I said very similar things about myself. Worrying self-deprecation was a pre-transition coping mechanism. I liked making that kind of joke, they are funny! But HRT put a stop to it. Insulting myself as a joke no longer lands, because I don’t believe it anymore. Estrogen did that. Negative self-talk is more of a symptom than a cause in my experience.

I transitioned in my 30s. I think there probably is an age component to it. I suffered two full decades of accumulated testosterone damage, and I’m at a stage of life where I’m supposed to have figured myself out. Transitioning socially in advance of HRT felt like a non-option. I imagine if I knew transition was an option in my teenage years, I probably wound have done it social first.

Do what feels right. A gradual social transition after hormones is a fine way of doing things.

personally I socially transitioned 2 years or so before starting hrt, ive been on it since November, if you want to look at pictures before then as an example of what you can do without it. i didn’t pass for a good year or more, but it slowly gets better as you learn how to dress for your body and do makeup and all that. hrt helps, but it won’t do all the work for you, so don’t expect it to!

edit: to clarify I mean passing in terms of seeing a woman in the mirror, I am not good at reading reactions and I also dont really care what others think so no advice there

you do you when you’re ready for it, no pressure.