Okay, I’m probably deleting this tomorrow, but um, this is relatable. I need a lot of verbal affirmation from my partner during, I guess. I had an ex a long time ago who just expected me to “be a man” in bed, and it’s a night-and-day difference from my wife who makes me feel like a beautiful goddess, even though it’s technically the same act.

I know the normative social messaging is that men do the penetrating and women get penetrated, but there’s a lot of feminine power in topping. A woman top is fierce, knows what she wants, and has the compassion in her heart to make her partner feel really good.

Also, watch the pegging episode of the sitcom Broad City lol. I love that show for normalizing it.

After I was on estrogen for a year or so, I had lost my refractory period, making multiple orgasms from stimulating the glans possible. On estrogen, orgasm isn’t a climax, it’s a cresting wave. So perhaps the issue is you’re treating orgasm as a one-and done situation, when on estrogen you really want to have orgasms regularly?

Maybe your body doesn’t want your first orgasm to be some high intensity railing, but something more preparatory. Like the orgasms someone on estrogen with a vagina has while eating them out before you even start thinking about penetration.

You could try masturbating while visualizing it, and try to listen to your body for answers. If my hypothesis is correct, a useful question would be “Could you continue after an orgasm?”. Or more concretely, when you orgasm while imagining orgasming from getting oral, does it feel pleasurable to continue masturbating and imagine switching to a different position and keeping going?

I don’t know what your situation is so this is a pretty narrow shot in the dark. Hope it helps!

As someone in a similiar situation, may I ask why you want to keep your current configuration?

For me I thought I didn’t have bottom dysphoria but once I found out that I did, I immediately wanted to get gender affirming surgery.

Everyone’s boat floats differently, but for me, it’s about intimacy. I’m not sure exactly what positions you’re in, but maybe you could lean in closer to your partner (parallel bodies) rather than a more “dominant” position (perpendicular bodies)?

You could wear a strap on?

Try different positions until something clicks. Positions like her sitting in your lap facing you, or ones that are scissoring adjacent are more equal (doing things with each other) whereas things like doggy style or missionary are more inherently transitive (you doing something to her).

A position I find works well for me is her on her side, with me kneeling either side of her lower leg and her upper leg over my thigh. I recommend it