I will caveat this by saying I like how groups with explicitly avoiding overly nsfw stuff can make a much safer and comfortable environ in general. That said, it certainly has resulted in certain online spaces where it feels like a tug-of-war of a weird puritanical environ I’m glad I’ve gotten away from, to a fetishization of queer people and life that put me in someone else’s shoes for a second. Like, I’m a bisexual dude but and have fit in well enough in straight and gay spaces, but sometimes the jokes and the amendments on anti-horni action when applying to queer stuff has me like, “is this how I’ve made people feel?” It’s only the briefest glimmer and most times my sexuality has be fetishized I’ve got the benefit of being a cis dude in specific communities and situations where it can rightfully get a pass till I voice any concern. I dunno, just semi-ranting if I’m the only one who feels a bit awkward in some online situations and groups. Irl, it’s very rarely been a problem. That said and done, much kudos on Hexbear for trying to try a happy medium. P.S. I’ll delete or won’t relent to a mod deleting this should my confused rant ruffle feathers or straight up offend people.

  • magi [null/void]@hexbear.netEnglish
    11·
    11 months ago

    I’m going to quote a few passages here from a book that everyone should read. CW Sexual Harrassment, Rape.

    Exerting “male privilege” is acting on the assumption that one has the right to occupy any space or person by whatever means, with or without permission. It’s a sense of entitlement that’s unique to those who have been raised male in most cultures—it’s notably absent in most girls and women. Male privilege is not something that’s given to men in this culture; it’s something that men take. It’s not that women don’t have the ability to have and wield this privilege; some do. It’s that in most cases, this privilege is withheld from them culturally and emotionally. Male privilege is woven into all levels of the culture, from unearned higher wages to more opportunities in the workplace, from higher quality, less-expensive clothing to better bathroom facilities. Male privilege extends into

    spoiler

    sexual harassment, rape, and

    war. Combine male privilege with capitalism (which rewards greed and acquisition) and the mass media (which, owned by capitalists, highlights only the rewards of acquisition and makes invisible its penalties), and you have a juggernaut that needs stopping by any means. Male privilege is not the exclusive province of men; there are some few women who have a degree of this horrifying personality trait. The wielding of male privilege is, in a word, violence.

    Whatever the idea might be that hopes to end the suffering of women on this planet, it’s going to require men giving up privilege. It took my becoming a woman to discover my “male behavior”—that is, exhibiting male privilege. When I was first coming out as trans, I used to hang out mostly with women. Any act of mine that was learned male behavior stuck out like a sore thumb. Things like leaping up and taking charge, even when it wasn’t called for; things like wielding language like a sledgehammer; or assuming that everyone owed me special consideration for my journey through a gender change—I still shudder at my arrogance.

    I’m nowhere near as territorial and possessive as I used to be. I’m not as frantic to get or hold on to something as I once was. I still want things. I still go after things. But I use force infrequently now. For me, that’s a perk of having gotten rid of male privilege. The shortcomings are obvious: lower pay, less security, more fear on the streets, less opportunity in the job market. All those drawbacks made me look at the value of what I’d lost. Do I really want to take part in a culture that places a higher value on greed and acquisition than on peace and shared growth?

    Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us - Kate Bornstein 1994