Got a verbal offer for a job last Friday and I’m waiting for background check to process. I asked for a salary boost and they obliged this week. They also said my trip to my grandparents will most likely be approved.

I get a potential bonus up to 4k. 401k, health insurance, dental, vision, PTO, and holidays.

I won’t be making much to live by myself unless I really budget. But I’m making far more than I expected as a jr level designer. I’m on the higher end, especially in the area. Can’t help but think I got lucky. Nonetheless, I’m hoping this serves to be a good stepping stone.

I feel happy but anxious. This is what I’ve been building towards for years, but it happens in the blink of an eye. Feels strange. This of course opens up lovely family dynamics, like my mom asking for money ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧ so fun. I mean ofc I’ll help out with the house, but I want to draw a line since I need to financially support myself. In regards to why she would want me to give her money for the house, when my dad pays for it… She’s being weird. She’ll get weirder.

Anyway. Yup. Strange but good times? Struggling to process how good this can and will be for me. Sigh, and one of the first things I have to get is a car. 💀

I’d like to second @Powderhorn@beehaw.org and declare, “Being in stasis is getting old.” It’s been a roller coaster as I struggle to navigate the end of my honeymoon phase of not pursuing academics. Holy crap, I find myself thinking constantly, what have I done for a decade and what to do now?! It’s a state of panic, keeping me from writing well or successfully job searching. I’d love to find a teaching track job and not worry about fighting for funding or tenure, but those are rare. I’d love to work at a democracy or environment nonprofit. I’m striking out. So I sit here and try not to feel sorry for myself.

It’s something I know many others are struggling with. As jobs disappear, funds dwindle, and you can’t seem to get a leg up anywhere. Closed doors, ignored emails, ghosting, and there’s only so much coffee you can safely drink in a day (I’m working on raising that limit).

So it’s been a weird time of stasis. I go downstairs, I try to write, I apply for jobs, I reach out to my network, and it repeats. Each day, each week. It’s rough.

So now I’m writing a return to my substack article on governance. Reviewing my old class notes from, wow, a past time, and trying to string words together. I got nothing else to do. But I did just run out of coffee and fear. So time to refill.

Working from home today, and there’s a lot of construction noise since the city is getting all the sidewalk ramps up to current ADA standards in my neighborhood before repaving the streets.

Mildly annoying at the moment, but I’m glad that the city is putting that effort in to improve.

Being in stasis is getting old. I moved into this house nearly three months ago, and I only brought minimal belongings in because it’s been 100F the whole time. I figured I’d have a few days in June to pack out, but, c’est la vie.

Things are on the horizon … I fly to Arizona to spread my dad’s ashes at the end of October, and my ex-wife is providing ground transportation to AUS. The land search for the commune continues apace, but I have zero control over that.

But for right now … it’s still 100F as far as the eye can see. We were hoping for a bit of a cooldown from Edouard, but it turned north.

It is going, as it should! Trying not to think too much - as possible - if it’s going well, if it’s going not well. Soon I’m turning 33 and recently I’m finding myself thinking about… numbers. Age, years, hours, lengths, weights and such, so it’s kind of stressing me out a little. As much as I’d let it all just flow and accept these thoughts, I’m trying to counterbalance this force that’s pushing me down by exercising, mostly running and walking barefoot, which is something I’ve recently found out (oh wow, I have feet!) and that feels so liberating and reconnecting.

I’m simultaneously living in the moment and feeling detached from it! Does it make sense?

I also started reading (third loop) again The Dark Tower saga by King, and this is probably why I’m speaking in tongues right now