I am not doing the best mentally. Because of this, I tend to attract people with mental health issues. This has happened once already, with my girlfriend acting pretty on edge and talking to me in what felt like a condescending tone. When I would talk to her about this, she’d get more aggressive.
One thing I should note is she doesn’t have many friends and tends to push them away or say they all left her.
I asked her for her thoughts on something, I don’t even remember, but then later on she went on about how abused she felt and that no one cared about her and she only cared about her problems and she wouldn’t care about other people’s problems, that they were abusing and bullying her if she was expected to care about her loved ones.
I lack experience in relationships, so maybe I’m not the best one to give advice, but my take is that if she’s abusive (and it sounds like she is) and you’re emotionally fragile, then it’s perfectly valid to break up via text or some such specifically to avoid further abuse. And it’s also valid to completely ghost/block her for the same reason. If you decide to go this route, be clear about what you’re doing (that this relationship is not working for you and you’re breaking up with her and don’t want to be contacted again). If she’s condescending and aggressive I don’t think going into the “why” very deeply is likely to avail you anything. It unnecessarily creates an opening for her to gaslight you (“you don’t really want to leave me – you’re fooling yourself”) or argue with you (“what you said isn’t true about me because yadda yadda”).
If you live together and need to get your stuff out of her house or kick her out of your house or anything like that, that unfortunately makes it more complicated. Just some suggestions if that’s the case:
- Get friends you trust to collect your stuff for you. Or at least to come with you when you get your stuff.
- If you have to have a conversation with her, don’t make any openings for her to push back. State what’s happening (“we’re breaking up and I won’t discuss it further”) and leave the conversation if it gets heated or you feel overwhelmed or unsafe.
- Keep in mind that as hard as this is going to be, you’ll be happier on the other side of it.
If you’re currently seeing a therapist, talk to your therapist about it. If you’re not, consider getting one. I’d say don’t try to get a therapist before you break up unless you don’t think you’ll be able to bring yourself to do it without the extra support.
Just as one more aside, some day you may need to undertake to work toward forgiving her. But for now, don’t feel bad about hating her. Don’t attack her and try to avoid doing anything you might regret or that might have negative consequences for you later. But understand that hate and fear have a function. To protect you by getting you to break up with her and to seek advice in the process.
Good luck and love yourself.
Shot in the dark, but look up borderline personality disorder and narcissistic tendencies and see if that seems to match up with her behavior. If one or both does then you can look up how to deal with leaving an abusive relationship with those personality types in the most safe and planned out way possible.
She does have BPD actually, I’m pretty sure, or suspects it
