I’ve already ran the gamut on jokes about Dicks.
Wanker is solid. Ballbag, a personal favourite Bellend, but you may have that already. Shitebag, Scottish one Useless as a chocolate teapot
Everything in Blackadder
Once they’ve got that, move on to Malcolm Tucker level insults
Tried to explain why ‘Bob’ was funny to them last week and they weren’t having any of it.
Jeremy Clarkson (RIP) once talked through the humour of Bob with Rowan Atkinson. It was a good explanation.
My personal favourite is “blithering idiot”.
I think minger is pretty evocative
Fuckwit is a traditional insult that I have found is often quickly taken into new arrivals hearts. My guess is, this is because it unites two words with very old IndoEuropean roots.
I was in Malaysia once and a got chatting to a guy who didn’t have the best English. He asked me for another way to say “I’m only joking” and I taught him to say “I’m only having a giraffe”, which he managed in broken English (“Having a jee raff”) I hope one day he says that to an Englishman and confuses him thoroughly.
I’m having a Steffi. I’m having a bubble.
What do you mean? Having a jee raff honestly sounds perfect. I’ll be in Malaysia in February so I’ll teach that one to some locals. Also, having a gazebo.
It’s hard to put into text but the emphasis was on the ee. It was all wrong. But it made it so much better.
Introduce them to the Muppets.
The use of “You Muppet(s)!” is one of my favourites.
(It effectively means “Adorable/endearing idiot”)
I feel like if Peter Capaldi called me a Muppet I would not take it as “adorable” and more like “twat”.
Numpty, plonker, twat, div, pratt
Smeghead Or cockwomble.
“Cockwomble” definitely gives off the impression of having looked up how to sound like a Brit on the internet! Big fan of smeghead though.
I hope to get a British person to call me a knob one day.
Good luck with that, you bellend.
Numpty
- Spanner - idiot
- Weapon - idiot
- Muppet - idiot
- Nesh - wimp/soft
- Snide - Nasty/Evil/Cunt
