This does work and is an okay lifehack, I guess, but it does add potential contamination risks and the packaged hamburger is already pretty stackable.
But hamburger is body parts?
Their body my parts
Someone’s been looking in my freezer(s).
Holup
I remember not living above a grocery store. Don’t miss those days one bit
Flattening also means that you can thaw the beef quicker when you want to cook … and in terms of body parts, it’s better to use a barrel of acid to dissolve the evidence.
But acid gooped body parts don’t taste as good.
Don’t use an acid for mammalian necromass. I hear that NaOH should be a good degreaser…
That or pigs apparently. If you already have the body in parts, don’t put in the freezer for your mom locate. I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Actually, you could let the pigs it all, lock, stock, and barrels, and then use a healthy dose of lye (that’s the NaOH from before) to treat the pigs’ shit for any left over solids. I’m not much of a chemist, but I do reckon that you’re left with any identifiable pieces after that ordeal.
Evidence? I’m eating them. What do you think the freezer is for?
Do you know how expensive a whole barrel of acid is?
Cheaper than trying to hide body parts for longer than a week … why are we discussing what to do with human body parts?
They’re spare parts for when mine fail.
… who said anything about the body parts being human?
ಠ_ಠ
…no reason.
Which reminds me, I have to go clean my freezer … and check on my barrel of acid.
How do you feel about lye? Seems to clean the organic crap better. For metal I use sulfuric. ?
Have you tried sulfuric acid on organic matter? Found some H2SO4 when I was a kid and began pouring it on stuff. Plants and chicken shit were really good for an orange cloud… Don’t stand down wind
Meat = body parts, so techinically not even a joke.
I know the joke is human parts…
Sure it is buddy, sure it is.
I bought a small pack of hamburger at the grocery store once. Same foam tray but it just wasn’t overstuffed like so many are. The checkout girl, holding this, says of it “I don’t understand why they underpackage it like this.” and I say “Well some of us are bachelors and will only eat a pound of burger before it goes bad.”
I think the young people enjoy it when I get down verbally, don’t you?
A trick you can adapt is one my family often did with wild meat.
You freeze a big block of meat, beef or whatever you have. It doesn’t matter how big it is as long as it doesn’t have a bone in it.
When you go to use it, you bring out the entire frozen block and you just shave off slices like a block of wood with a big carving knife or butcher blade. Sometimes mom would just a very sharp axe if the block was too solidly frozen. Then once you got enough of what you needed, you wrap up the frozen block and put it back again. This method allows you keep a large frozen block and use it again and again without have to wait to thaw the whole thing. You only carve off what you need for the meal and then keep the rest frozen. The thin shavings of meat are quick to cook and don’t need thawing.
that reminds me of OHH THE FRENCH
Pro tip: Use the cheapest bags to maximize plastic consumption!
I kinda do this with turkey
Goes on sale after big holidays, and I buy 5-8 whole tuekys for like $1/lb. Portion them all and freeze them. It replaces chicken for the entire year.
Yeah but its turkey 🤮
Do you portion it raw or cook first?
I haven’t tried to butcher a raw turkey before, but the idea is tempting.
As a young boy and teenager, I grew up hunting Canada geese with my family a lot growing up. We’re Indigenous and it was common every spring to butcher about 100-120 geese every spring. We were able to kill much more but dad limited us to this amount because beyond that, it was just too hard and difficult to butcher this many animals and store them properly. We used the entire animal - meat for eating, bones for tools/crafts, feathers for stuffing blankets and pillows and wing feathers for crafts. The heads were eaten too and every bit of meat, sinew, brain, edible part eaten. Feet boiled into stew. Gizzard, heart, lungs roasted for quick eating while butchering everything else. Intestines were consumed only if people were starving which we never were so they were just thrown to our hunting dogs. And in terms of butchering, mom was a skilled with a knife and a bird, she knew the anatomy like the back of her hand and could separate the bones from the meat and leave a rack of whole attached bones with a whole single slab of meat and skin. Then continue slicing the meat slab until she turned it into a continuous single sheet of meat and skin about four or five feet long, then that was draped over a smoking fire for a day or two and we got smoked goose that could be stored for several months. The deboned carcass was smoked alongside and once that was smoked, everyone took their time and picked away all the meat from the bone. She taught me how to butcher in the same way but I was never as skilled as her and my sisters at it.
My point is … once you do it two or three times, butchering a bird is not that hard once you figure out the anatomy, use a good sharp knife and how to do it. Most importantly, use a very sharp knife because contrary to popular belief, you are more likely to cut yourself with a dull knife because you’ll struggle more to make your cuts and thus hurt yourself.
I do it raw
Each breast in its own ziplock, drumsticks in a ziplock, 2 wings in a ziplock, dark meat cube/peices for stir-fry in a ziplock. All organs in their own ziplock.
Doing turkey is really no different then whole chicken for portioning, just bigger. Technically it can be done in about 8-10 cuts.
Watch some chicken portioning videos, same method applies they are just longer cuts.
Dunno who this guy is but it’s this method https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NVIdnpPqv8g
Edit: even the turkey breast can be butterflied in half for 2 ‘breasts’ per bag giving 4 portions of breast per bird. Depends on the meal I’m having really but I leave them whole until I go to cook.
Neat, thank you!
Minecraft squarey hamburguer
And use a large cookie cutter on the frozen slabs to make hamburgers. Bonus because they’re pre-smashed.
It wild thaw much quicker too.
“By hamburgers in bulk and flatten”
Just buy some mince and learn how to cook
No it says “buy hamburger” as in hamburger meat. Ground beef.
Had to look this up, because I’d seen it before but didn’t want to accuse Americans of being crazy without proof:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hamburger
1 a: ground beef
1 b: a patty of ground beefThe meme says singular “hamburger”, so it makes sense that they meant it in the ground beef sense. Every other dictionary starts with “a patty of ground beef” by the way, so it seems to be an American peculiarity.
Well, that explains the name “hamburger helper”. I’ve been wondering what they had in common with hamburgers besides the ground beef.
If like to see the reaction of every Italian when they realize bolognese and lasagne are made out of hamburger according to Americans
Americans… answer why. This is not on.
Who has time to cook when there is prostitute murdering to be done?
Make sure to use every part though. Prostitute stock is the best.
If you murder a prostitute make sure you pay them first so you’re not shoplifting too.
Only commit one crime at a time.
Good advice! Also be sure to get a receipt.
Learning to cook prostitutes, tell you when I’m done?
Honestly a superior storage idea.
