For example, Marmite Crumpets don’t exist. You cannot buy them at the supermarket. To be clear: you can buy crumpets, you can buy marmite, you can buy butter; but you have to assemble them at home.
If you walk into a breakfast cafe, they will happily serve you sausage / egg / bacon / french toast / bubble / squeak (whatever that is). But no marmite crumpets. If you ask them to make it, they will give you a very strange look. It’s not typically offered. It’s something you just have to make at home.
It is unbuyable. Any tourist who comes to the UK to try a Marmite crumpet would need to bring a toaster or an oven with them, or quickly befriend a brit and hope that they have all the ingredients at home.
It’s not a secret. You just can’t have it.
*munches into crumpet thoughtfully, and salivates at the juicy savory delight, whilst staring at you pityingly and condescendingly*
Anyway, what’s something that I could never experience unless I made it myself in your local?
Marmite on Weetbix.
Ingredients:
- 1 Weetbix
- butter (lots)
- Marmite (lots)
Method:
Select a choice looking compressed wheat brick, apply a thick layer of butter, spread the Marmite across the layer of butter.This was a common school snack when I was growing up.
Some cafes will do it - not as standard, but a few - maybe try the ones trying to be 1-up from a greasy. https://seahousescafe.co.uk/the-breakfast-menu
As will many hotel breakfasts, there’s often little single serving marmite things in with the single serving jam packets. I’d say about half the hotels i’ve stayed in with decent cooked breakfast have had it on offer.
I’ve also seen it in little roadside food van / trailer type things too.
Anyway, you want sainsbury’s yeast extract instead of marmite, it’s way gloopier and nicer tasting.
Trypophobia, apparently
The Marmite causes the eggs to hatch in your tummy 🤗
Are hotels in the UK not equipped with toasters?
No, just a shitty kettle.
You’re supposed to wash it out after you shit in it
I would never. The next guest would want to savor my peaty aroma and be awed.
you love the sweet plastic taste and you know it!
A Twinkie weiner sandwich.
- Cook a hot dog
- Slice a twinkie halfway through the bottom longwise to get something like a hotdog bun
- Insert the cooked hotdog into newly created bun
- Squirt easy cheese along the length of the hot dog
- Dip in milk
- Eat
Weird Al invented this in 1989 in his movie UHF and it’s still not available in stores for some reason
If I’m going to have a twinkie, I’ll grill it (or toss it in the air fryer I have to try that) just enough until it starts to caramelize on the outside
For good reason. Wtf
Yeah some foods are too powerful for the general public to consume freely.
Sounds like something you could get at a state fair
Isn’t a Twinkie partly chocolate?
Nah that’s a chocodile which is a chocolate covered Twinkie
You may be thinking of a ho-ho. Also made by Hostess.
I need to rewatch that movie (and seriously, how great of an actor is Weird Al?)
Ha! We can get marmite and vegemite here in the states. And they’re both fucking delicious when used right.
But, you can’t get applebutter anything in the wild around here. Might be possible elsewhere, but I haven’t run across it.
Not sure what is and isn’t a thing elsewhere, but applebutter isa strongly spiced apple product used as a spread. It’s sweet rather than savory. It typically features cloves, cinnamon and allspice as the main spices, in varying proportions. It is also fucking amazing.
But you won’t find it in restaurants at all.
There is a great southern tradition of applebutter biscuits. Biscuits here, again in case it isn’t known, are a fluffy, light, scone-like quickbread. And it’s similar to your scenario. Places could offer that as a menu option and bring it to you. They could possibly make a deal for individual packets of it like exist for jelly, and bring that with biscuits. But nobody does.
It’s one of those things that if you came over here, you can’t find it in restaurants. Even worse, while you can buy commercially made applebutter (there’s a few brands out there) they are all inferior to even mid tier homemade applebutter. So you can’t even buy the experience the way people can at home. You can’t just go out and buy Whitehouse applebutter and get the right texture and taste on your biscuits (or toast, or crumpets).
The commercially made options are all too thin for one thing. They don’t spread like applebutter is supposed to. It’s supposed to have a thick consistency, closer to something like a jam or preserve. The commercial stuff is also over-homogeneous and too finely textured. Homemade is going to have small chunks of softened apple as opposed to a blended texture.
The spice mix in store bought also tends to be both blander and too , I dunno, even? Homemade, you get layers of the spices. Store bought, you get one layer, there’s no depth to it. Part of that is it being made in huge batches, and part is the longer time from jar to your mouth; so I can’t say it’s anything the makers have cheaped out on or anything. But it is not as good as what you make yourself (or someone’s grammy makes).
Also, marmite and applebutter on toast is absurd in how good it is. The savory and salty bang of marmite with a spoonful of sweet, spicy applebutter on top will make you want to slap yo mama. I find marmite and vegemite don’t do well on biscuits compared to toast, english muffins, or the like. Too much bread for it to really pop unless you do an entire spoonful, at which point it’s too much.
Have you tried Branston pickle in a cheese sandwich?
No, but I’ll be looking to see if I can obtain those. I really do love trying stuff like that. It doesn’t always turn out that I like it, but even a bad experience is a good experience, if you dig.
Awww yeah, the Publix two towns over has it. And I looked at the ingredients, I think I’m going to love it
Here in Louisiana it’s pretty common
I can literally go to any diner around me and there will be individually packaged containers of apple butter, usually next to whatever little packages of jelly they have on offer. I’m sorry you’ve suffered without for so long not noticing them
Dude. Are you aware that the way you wrote that seems dickish as hell?
Cracker Barrel gives you biscuits before they bring out your meal and you can request Apple Butter for them. I think usually they bring out sausage gravy.
I remember the apple butter being ok, but nothing like the homemade stuff cooked over a fire and stirred continously for 12 hours.
No joke? I haven’t been to a cracker barrel in ages. I had no clue they offer it. Thanks :)
Yeah, it looks like they may charge for it now. It’s $.50 on their online menu under extras.
Eey, I make apple butter! It’s great. I do know some places you can buy it though…roadside stands! Farmer stalls or markets. Though those may be more common here, being the garden state. Still better making it at home, get to pick the apples and how much you let it cook down!
Apple butter is an underrated condiment. I used to eat it on pancakes instead of syrup as a kid, and I put it in oatmeal and such as an adult. I don’t have it often nowadays, but there’s a place that produces it and other fruit butters nearby, and there’s occasionally some other brands in stores and roadside shops.
For those that haven’t had it, I guess imagine baked apples or an apple dumpling but reduced down so it is super concentrated into something spreadable.
Decent fitting clothes with deep pockets and quality fabrics with the colors i like
I’ve only ever found one zip-up hoodie with decent insulation and pockets deep enough that my phone won’t fall out of them if I’m not careful, and you better believe I’m taking good care of it.
I dont understand why Jeans dont usually have deep pockets. Like who is designing this shit.
But they do?
I had to buy a lewis pair because tall people doesn’t exist, and my stuff gets lost in the pockets.
To be fair, my monoprix jeans pockets are exactly 1/2 smartphone deep.
Me neither; after all, complaints about pockets are around everywhere. But at least i’ve learned how to deepen existing pockets. Next step will be how to create pockets
I had the same issue until I discovered MTailor. It’s all I wear now. A bit more expensive but totally worth it.
I feel like that’s something only few people could actually make
True, but it’s an important reason for many people to start to learn how to make their own clothes. It takes effort, but one can learn how to do this. And it used to be a very common skill. With today’s junk on the market, we have a good enough reason to start learning.
I can sew, but finding decent fabrics is hard. Back in the 70s I made all my own clothes and I can still remember some of the fantastic fabrics I used: a ming blue paisley sateen cotton; a red denim (for a duffel jacket with a toning floral for the hood lining); a soft purple lightweight wool; a dark green raw silk; glorious Chinese rayon florals in rich colours. So much choice!
I patch my old socks with older socks, if that helps. And I fix armpit tears with a rough stitch. That’s about it.
- Chip Butty
- Crisp Sandwich made with Sandwich Spread.
I had a fish finger sandwich for lunch in a pub near Inverness last month, it was delicious.
horrific, you get a pass
Here’s something that you can’t buy outside of Italy: mozzarella. I tasted proper mozzarella in Tuscany and it’s nothing like the shit labeled mozzarella sold in supermarkets around the world, and for a good reason: real mozzarella has a shelf life shorter than Trump’s attention span.
We have a deli here that makes fresh moz daily, you can find places that do it all over. Shelf-life really only keeps it out of supermarkets. The problem for many forms of cheese in many countries, and especially the US, is the requirements around pasturization. Completely changes the texture and taste. And for moz specifically, the lack of Buffalo.
Buffalo…sauce? Buffalo, New York? Buffalo the ungulate? I am confused
Buffalo the animal (I think it’s water buffalo for mozzarella)
You mean those watery packets of cheese I sometimes buy aren’t supposed to taste like watered down kangaroo testicles?
Look at the plus side: at least you know what kangaroo testicles taste like.
it’s nothing like the shit labeled mozzarella sold in supermarkets around the world
That’s called mot-zer-eller, if I remember right.
no no, it’s “Moe’s a fella”
There are tons of places that have fresh mozz
Marmite crumpets shouldn’t exist!
What other cosmic horrors are you creating in your kitchen‽
Marmite crumpets shouldn’t exist!
You’re right. Not without cheese.
we have a chicken stew that we make with barley and oats that sometimes has entire pieces of cartillage in it, if that helps
The British were so focused on whether they could, they didn’t stop to think about whether they should.
Buckwheat kasha, you won’t find it even in a Slavic restaurant. It is a simple dish of cooked buckwheat and milk, with sugar added if one desires. Such a simple breakfast dish is sold nowhere to my knowledge.
I’ve never had buckwheat that wouldn’t have funky smell/aftertaste. It just weird all the time. Probably trying wrong brand or IDK. I’m slavic so my ancestors ate shitton of buckwheat, though it was almost non existent in my childhood. And now it’s weird ingredient I’m scared of :-D
It sounds like chinese congee, but with wheat instead of rice
The bed!
Batmobiles. Lots of companies sell Batmobile toys, no companies sell Batmobiles.
You’re just not looking hard enough. This was the first hit when I searched.
But those are all custom builds and don’t fulfill the definition of being possible to “buy ready made” given by OP.
When you’re right, you’re right.
Bake him away toys.
Food I want to eat
Coffee. I used to be a coffee fiend, I drank up to 12-13 cups a day, and only stopped because it was worsening my anxiety. I live in a coffee producing country and learnt how to make a good cup in an espresso machine, even got all the doodads to make the process standardized and get the exact same cup every time.
I can only drink coffee made by select hands now. Everything else tastes like jet fuel, and it’s worse when travelling.
Don’t ever, under any circumstances, drink motorway service station coffee in France. It tastes like battery acid even if you’re used to shitty coffee.
Outside of the caffeine and kidney stone issues you must’ve been peeing every 30 minutes
Pretty much, lol
That sounds like an intense relationship you have with coffee. I have to admit, 2-3 a day and I get palpatations and am unable to sleep. I rarely drink it for the flavour
Oh I needed it for college. I was impatient and pushed myself too hard during my last 2 years, some weeks I slept fewer than 10 hours collectively.
I’ve since cut it almost entirely, and because of that my usual cup gives me the jitters. I still love coffee and would like nothing more than having one in the morning and one in the afternoon, but my body can’t take it anymore (nor can my mental health honestly). Aging sucks, lol.
I make sure to never get attached to one brew so I can drink it anywhere, anytime. I’ll drink instant without hot water if I need to (and not just frappe.)
That’s… Probably not a bad idea, lol. I got too used to good things.
