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seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 months ago

DHS Begins National Registry Of Duolingo Users

theonion.com

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DHS Begins National Registry Of Duolingo Users

theonion.com

seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 months ago
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WASHINGTON—Warning that the highly suspicious individuals constituted a threat to the country’s safety and cultural unity, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security announced plans Monday to create a national registry of Duolingo users. “For unknown reasons, there are people in this country attempting to learn foreign languages ranging from Italian to Japanese, and we need […]
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  • supernight52@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Jesus, my heart dropped for a second because this legitimately seems like something this admin would/will do.

    • espentan@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Congratulations, we see you have learned French, so now you qualify for immediate and forceful relocation to Cameroon!

      • grue@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        Well, shit. I was hoping for Tahiti.

        • MadMadBunny@lemmy.ca
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          2 months ago

          I heard it was a magical place…

          • supernight52@lemmy.world
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            2 months ago

            A place where the beer flows like wine, and the women flock like the wild salmon of Capistrano.

            Wait. Nope, sorry- I’m thinking of Aspen, not Tahiti.

      • Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca
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        2 months ago

        More likely they would be telling white women learning other languages in preparation to emigrate elsewhere that they aren’t allowed to leave the country as they are now property.

    • seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialOPM
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      2 months ago

      Same friend, same. I ate it hard at first.

    • MadMadBunny@lemmy.ca
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      2 months ago

      No wonder Duo got killed by a swatzicar…

  • bobs_monkey@lemm.ee
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    2 months ago

    Ok I ate the onion lol

    • RejZoR@lemmy.ml
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      2 months ago

      With current Murican administration, The Onion wipes out the line between fiction and reality.

  • Snowclone@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Stop with this kind of headline your making me panic about this shit more than it already is panic inducing!!!

    • samus12345@lemm.ee
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      2 months ago

      Joking about this stuff just isn’t funny anymore.

  • Onno (VK6FLAB)@lemmy.radio
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    2 months ago

    Our planet is in a sad state when a headline like this could actually be real and the author of it needs to be commended for making the observation in such an effective way.

    • PunkiBas@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Shit, With this sad state of affairs I’d happily be surprised If it doesn’t end up being one of those 'the onion was right" articles…

  • hansolo@lemm.ee
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    2 months ago

    I’ll see that green owl in Hell, I will!

  • cyrano@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 months ago

    Legit

  • lemmeegetupinthere@lemm.ee
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    2 months ago

    I genuenly can’t tell if this is real or not? If this is real this is some serious brainwashing.

    • NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io
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      2 months ago

      Look at rhe community name.

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