I kind of saw this coming. It doesn’t matter, because I didn’t prepare. I kept hoping things werent as bad as i’ve thought. I’ve spent a lot of days since Jan 20 trying to thread a needle between staying appraised of what’s going on, for my own safety, and trying not to give in to panic and despair.

But… life has been hard. I disassociate from scary stuff. Most days I don’t think about things, while a little voice in my head screams, “You can’t be sitting still. There’s so much you need to do.”

But that’s what I do. I spend a lot of time trying to find work and make ends meet. I spend a lot of time just coping with my moment on a small level; the wider world seems unimportant when my day to day struggle is mostly… trying to be ok

but im starting to realize I can’t be ok. I have a lot of time that’s being wasted. Things are happening in the US that are about to make my life hellish and dangerous, and i’m doing nothing, trying to find a job and acting like things aren’t going to be absolutely batty within a year.

I can’t do it anymore, but I don’t have a natural mindset that lets me just break out.

What are y’all doing? How do you overcome the urge to just… keep going on the track you know?

I can’t keep acting like everything is fine. Nothing is fucking fine.