I am chuggin gin tonight (not an extended pattern of behavior to be clear) and honestly wtf. Everything is so cruel to the extent that it is almost rediculous.
So, I am a history student and tbh, the absurdity of modern class struggle is becoming fucking unreal to me. I genuinely cannot grasp how the bourgeois sleep at night. Like wtf. The human capacity for indifference is unfathomable. I am watching a video by coffeezilla where he covers the failure of a “bank”, which is technically not a bank, that caused a bunch of people to lose 10s of millions of dollars collectively. Maybe being raised by labor aristocrats sheltered me from the inhumanity of capitalism and thats why this fucks me up so bad but one guy losts thousands of hours of his life to this shit. They’re just fucking gone. How is this normal, how do most people accept this as their reality. I am honestly impressed by the docility of the working class in the imperial core. I think if I dropped a sumerian peasant into the modern United States they would immediately identify our society as fucked up beyond belief the moment they understood it.
idk where I expected to go with this post. shits just fucked up tbh and I cannot grasp why I see it and others don’t. I have little material reason to do so, yet I do and so many others who have a material reason to realize this do not. I think I will smoke tonight and watch an ancient history documentary.
edit: tangentially related but finding you guys made me hopeful for the world, thank you for being sane
“It was real. I’d seen it. I’d seen it in reality. The mask of humanity fall from capital. It has to take it off to kill everyone — everything you love; all the hope and tenderness in the world. It has to take it off, just for one second. To do the deed. And then you see it. As it strangles and beats your friends to death… the sweetest, most courageous people in the world… You see the fear and power in its eyes. Then you know. That the bourgeois are not human.”I REALLY gotta play that game huh
What game?
Disco Elysium
I break down crying about this shit at least once a day. There is so much injustice and cruelty in the world. I am constantly aware of it, it weighs on me at all times. I don’t know what’s wrong with other people, that they don’t feel the pain of others, don’t want to help, don’t care.
Yeah
I keep getting reminded every time I browse this site. Almost all the time all you read are how fucked everything is, with no light at the end of tunnel. Just feeling like you are forced to live with the fact that everything will get worse, and the monsters responsible will never face any consequences, and the world will remain like this until humanity filters itself out.
You can block coms, I actually just blocked c/news for a few days. People still post outside of that com but it cuts down on it.
In my bleakest moments, I think humanity was defeated in 1919 and that everything since then has been the last sputterings of a dying patient
But everything is dynamic. Eventually, even if there is utter failure here & now, victory will come and then a new horizon of history will open up beyond class struggle.
Sumerian Peasant: Well, no shit things are bad, you don’t have a ziggurat dedicated to Inanna in any of your cities.
Shamesh is feeling vindictive these days
You’re lucky you can chug gin, I can’t due to medication. Drink one for me please?
ANOTHER IT IS
Yeah, a lot of times I think about stuff like this. It gets really overhwhelming, so don’t dwell on it too long and make sure to take care of yourself
Idk what else to say really other than yeah, humanity was not meant to be set up this way, but as the result of 100s of years of chasing money, here we are, where i will never be able to afford my own home or do tons of other things that even a generation ago were considered “normal” for people my age.
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I’ve been aware since I was old enough to form memories. My country and the area of it I live in give you constant reminders of it. It’s something you just kind of grow numb to after a while.
For some people this is their worst nightmare, for others it’s just the natural culmination of all the pain and violence weve been dealing with forever
Found a pretty affordable place to get weed vape carts so being fried all day helps keep the thoughts away
Me but with my dry herb vape
Too stinky and recognizable for construction sites. Otherwise for sure
I am also too stinky and recognizable
I should have gotten weapons despite it all
yes sometimes i get hit with a tidal wave of awareness and it challenges my sanity, really. I have to somehow let it pass so I can work my job and keep a roof over my head but it sticks there like a splinter in my mind.
Yeah it’s been worse lately for sure, menty b’s used to be an annual/biannual thing but now are much more regular- for the same reasons others have mentioned- grief for a world in pain, grief for powerlessness, grief for seeing capital warp some and crush others. What’s helped? Idk. Been getting into philosophy/theology a bit and my takeaway has been, “existence is suffering, our purpose is to lessen that suffering for those around us in whatever way we can”. At its minimum that’s carrying a lighter or cash so I can share with someone who asks, and that’s led to lots of interesting conversations with people…and often hearing fun new ways how they’re being fed headlong into the woodchipper :/ BUT it’s reinforced my connection and commitment to exactly who we’re hoping to shape a better world for.
TLDR: life is an endless cycle of suffering, but as you have the capacity, you can be a port in the storm for others and thereby find solace in their camaraderie. It doesn’t fix the suffering, but it gives a small ember of hope.
Also therapy. Getting it out in one way or another helps too - ugly crying and a heavy bag has been a welcome addition, but I like journaling too. Thought I could outpace it with endurance running or endurance drinking, but neither my knees nor my stomach could keep up lol. So everything in moderation unfortunately. Also weed lol.
Everyday for over a decade 😮💨
I admire your endurance
Hyperaware of it to the point that I’ve been basically paralyzed with fear, disgust, and ultimately apathy since late bush/early obama.
I think learning about the Waco Horror (the lynching of Jesse Washington) was the big “We’re not gonna make it, are we?” moment for me. The mask of humanity sure slipped off everyone’s face with that one - they fucking broke his teeth out as souvenirs and took christmas card photos with the burnt corpse. Sort of shit that’s somehow both “eye-wateringly brutal” evil and “banality of evil” evil at the same time.
