I hope this question is not too weird (if so just tell me and I’ll delete it).
As a 21 year old guy from Germany I always admired Americans. What particularly impressed me was their social skills, their outgoing/confident nature and humor.
I don’t know if it’s also connected with being a German but I’m generally a very shy and introverted person. I have very strong social anxiety and just when someone in public or a neighbor sees me, it creates this overwhelming anxiety because I’m so scared that I will embarrass myself and be awkward because I have very bad self esteem and don’t know what to say and how to act. So most of the time I end up saying nothing and hiding myself which is very awkward or I say the bare minimum like to the grocery store cashier like only “Hello” and “Thanks, bye”. I have this extreme amount of shame that’s blocking me.
Germans might often generally be introverted or awkward but I’m on a whole different level.
Then Americans seem like this stark contrast which feels like the exact opposite. It feels like Americans are on a different level of confidence and extroversion than any country I know.
That makes it almost impossible for me to interact with an American as it creates this immense pressure on me (also cause English isn’t my native language).
Even on a daily basis the way they’re having small talks in grocery stores or talk to strangers that they’re walking by seems impossible for me. And I’m afraid that if I ever would go to the US and people talk to me that I would be extremely awkward and don’t say anything and wouldn’t be able to smile. And I’m afraid that this might come over as rude and they think bad of me.
I really would wanna interact with an American in person cause it seems like it could be so enriching but right now that seems impossible.
I was wondering if there is anything particular that makes Americans so good at that or if they have any secret. Or maybe they’re just on a different level cause they’re from the best country in the world and are the best/most capable people in the world.
Cause it’s my ultimate dream to be on that same level and interact with people like Americans.
Maybe it’s impossible for me to get to anything near that and I will simply never be good enough.
We really aren’t. The difference is, the most successful of us are. And those are the ones you typically seem to meet overseas. Because the less successful of us can’t afford the trip.
Immersion therapy man. Go find a board game meetup, exercise meetup or sports meetup or something that puts you in a situation where you’re gonna be able to have casual conversations.
Loads of people just like you with social anxiety and who are introverted though in the US, and honestly any nation in the Americas… and probably the world.
Different parts of the USA have different expectations for small talk, but it is generally higher than I’ve seen for parts of Europe.
That said, being outgoing is a muscle for some people and, because of cultural differences, Americans tend to work out this muscle more than other countries.
I really think it’s a cultural thing. It would be like me(an American) saying “how can I be more Japanese?”
To put a finer point on it, Americans have grown up in a culture where self expression and social interaction is encouraged. So we are less afraid of approaching a stranger for casual conversation. Add to that the fact that we, culturally, have very low self awareness. All we know is what offends other Americans. We rarely have the social intelligence to modify our behavior to match our surroundings.
So while, yes, Germans may be more reserved by nature; don’t think that is a value judgement. If you want to be more outgoing do it in a German way. Americans are the way we are because we are Americans.
That said, if I could offer a suggestion to mitigate your social anxiety; I would suggest that other people don’t think about you and your behavior anywhere near as much as you think they do. Most people don’t give a shit. If you can’t think of anything to say but you want to start a conversation a compliment is always a winning strategy. But nothing is a substitute for genuine curiosity.
I’ll give you the chat code. Lots of eye contact, smile, and all then ask questions about them whenever the conversation dies. People, especially Americans generally love to talk about themselves.
My mentality that has helped (before I worked in retail and dealt with hundreds if not thousands of people a day) was realizing that they will probably think about me just as much as I think about them in a few hours. Which is not at all.
There is a little nihilism of “nothing in this conversation matter” mixed with I learned I kind of like people. The vast majority of people are nice.
As an American, this is the simplest way I can say this.
Ignorance is bliss.
The less you know, the happier you are.
The happier you are, the more outgoing you become.
It’s a double edged sword.
Reading the first line of this post had me laughing
“Americans” is a stupidly large and diverse population to say anything meaningful about. It’s extremely unlikely that that any population of humans of such a size doesn’t include some individuals who are more extreme than you, both more and less, for almost all traits.
You’re less likely to observe introverts than extroverts because one of those types will tend to do things in a way that are less likely to get your attention. You might well be experiencing observation/selection bias, possibly also reinforced by confirmation bias.
But whatever you think to be the “typical”, even if you could estimate it using some unbiased sampling method, it is often not a helpful way describe the whole population, or at best a reductive “average” that has limited useful applications.
TLDR - human populations are diverse. I don’t think any nation has ever effectively brainwashed or eugenicised their population into a single homogeneous group.
“Americans” is a stupidly large and diverse population to say anything meaningful about.
That’s true! OP should’ve specified US-americans, not all Americans.
You can always try to memorize some key phrases, like:
“did you see that ludicrous display last night?”
The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in
A complete lack of self-awareness seems to help with appearing confident.
To achieve this, cocaine may be useful
Or a combination of sugar and caffeine mixed together.
(Am an introverted American 🫠)
I’m an outgoing introvert.
My partner is a shy extrovert.
outgoing introvert
You’re not socially awkward, you’re awkwardly social. 😉
Oh god don’t make the anxiety worse 😅
Is this parody ? (This is a genuine question btw)
The part that makes me think that:
Or maybe they’re just on a different level cause they’re from the best country in the world and are the best/most capable people in the world.
Just keep in mind, you may have this perception because the Americans you see are happy and on vacation lol. They’re traveling to another country, which selects for confidence and curiosity.
