what they mean by that is, “thank god they learned to mask the problem so they stop inconveniencing us”
As someone who has many ADHD traits, but never formally diagnosed, I always view this perspective as strange. Like you’re so incensed by it, you get defensive and almost act like you have zero responsibility on the issue and everyone should just accept you and allow you concessions because you can’t keep your shit together.
I’ve certainly ‘grown’ out of a lot of it, but a lot of it is hard work and establishing habits to minimise issues. It lets me live a better life and to treat it like a disability is only selling yourself short.
I am not diagnosed either and I too have managed my life somewhat okayish so far because I have some really good people around me, but at the same time I know A LOT of ADHDers irl and they are all very different both when it comes to severity of their symptoms and what types of symptoms they have.
What is somewhat manageable to me is impossible to others and what others are able to do, I am unable to myself.
I know high functioning ADHDers and I know severe cases where their symptoms are so bad, even when on medication, that they will never be able to function in society.
If I may compare, you and I may be partially blind. It is definitely enough to affect us in our daily lives. At least it is for me. But we are able to manage and somewhat navigate the world and we can still see shapes and colors, just very out of focus.
What you’re essentially doing with your post is asking someone who was born without eyes to see as well as you do. “Just get some glasses. It worked for me.”
But they are blind, bro. They don’t have eyes. Both of you are blind, but blindness is on a spectrum, just like ADHD is.
I never considered that what I was dealing with could be ADHD because the ADHDers I had known up until that point were the severe cases and they never got any better. Some of them didn’t try at all while others really did their best and yet they still failed constantly.
I’m relatively good at hiding my failings so people don’t notice unless they are paying attention. But I still fail almost daily despite having tried all types of organizing systems, scolding myself into getting my shit together and establishing this and that routine. I always fail. I keep trying, but I will never be able to get good at having structure in my life no matter how much I want it. I can see shapes and colors, but I cannot read you that sign over there. No matter how much I try, I just can’t.
Have you considered the possibility that you don’t have ADHD or that your symptoms are on the very mild side? You clearly have no understanding of executive dysfunction.
Never formally diagnosed lol.
Nothing you said is helpful to anyone with this condition, regardless if you have it or not. Please take your organizers and calendars and reminders and bootstraps and kindly post elsewhere.
Your experience isn’t everyone’s experience, and judging people who struggle more helps no one. I was medicated as a teenager, grew out of it, then suddenly got whacked over the head by it coming back in my late twenties. Medication has helped, and I’ve learned a lot of tricks to manage it, but the fact that I have to work twice as hard or more to do basic things that other people do without thinking means it clearly is a disability. I’m also autistic and I feel far more disabled by my ADHD than my autism.
Don’t cut yourself on that edge.
It’s not that we think we have zero responsibility or whatever - it’s that, as you described, we put in a lot of effort to find coping mechanisms and management strategies, and then people like this cut-rate psych point to the results of that effort and say ‘See, it’s gone!’ It’s not gone, you dingbat, we have to manage it and it takes a lot of work, and maybe it would be nice - just once - to get some recognition for all that work we’re doing rather than pretending the problem doesn’t exist any more.
Hmm I’m sure it’s personal for each but me I feel like I didn’t outgrow it. More like I overcame it.
Yeah. I feel like it never bothered me when younger (he’s “gifted and mature”) but you get screwed later on when you have a 8-5 office job where you sit and stare for 9 hours. I can’t focus on boring useless stuff like that. Unfortunately, the alternative is destroy your body doing manual labor to keep moving around. Plus. You make a lot more money sitting and staring at a screen. So just keep it bottled up and pretend you know what you’re doing and don’t feel like going nuts!
I don’t think the ADHD necessarily gets worse, it’s more often that the consequences get worse.
I.e. the intensity of the disorder relative to a given set of stimuli doesn’t increase, but the average significance of the stimuli (and consequently the outcome of one’s reaction to them) does increase.
You could argue that’s a meaningless distinction, but perhaps it’s a helpful change in perspective for someone.
That’s a valid point. Although I’d add that, as you get older, it’s not only the significance of the stimuli that increases, but the overall levels of stimuli increases. More responsibilities, more burdens, more stress, and less likely to be given any concessions due to being young.
No, it gets worse. Adults don’t have the amount of mental plasticity that younger people have. While it’s possible to make things easier through CBT and learning to cope and deal with certain challenges. The mental load of keeping up with daily life ultimately has its toll. Life is getting harder every year for everyone, and having ADHD makes that mental load just that much harder.
Most people tend to develop coping mechanisms that help them pass as non-ADHD individuals, by lowering their standards for what they can achieve in life and by accepting the abnormally high amounts of stress that hiding their ADHD causes them.
Psychologists call this “growing out of ADHD”.
“Gifted child, if only they’d apply themselves”, turns into “Average adult, not always reliable and my god have you seen their <thing we ignore because we don’t have the bandwidth> but usually gets things done.”
Took me getting fired from one job and almost a second before I finally got my coping mechanisms figured out. It’s still a struggle and it’s also cost me a significant amount of my ability to enjoy my free time (have to severely limit my investment in anything not work related so I don’t accidentally get consumed by it and lapse at work), but I’m ‘functional’ now.
The problem is that responsibilities seem to grow faster than I can create coping mechanisms…
To be fair, ADHD is a developmental disorder that sometimes can present as delayed development rather than halted development. I.e being behind in executive functioning development but eventually “catching up” to peers.
That said, the severity of cases is still often determined through the lens of “how well do they fit in/mask it” and not “how is their emotional/mental wellbeing”, which definitely gives the impression of kids “growing out of it”.
They don’t necessarily lower their standards. Sometimes, they simply “pay” by other means.
It can get worse after school because not having a schedule imposed on you means you’re left to your own devices and will often focus too much energy towards the wrong endeavors. Building a routine of healthy habits and sticking to it can make a world of difference.
Of course it got worse, I have to work now
Turns out that people don’t “grow out of” physiological differences in how their prefrontal cortex forms. Who would have thought?! /s
I don’t have the ADHD. I am the ADHD.
Made this for ya while procrastinating
We’re all reading this while procrastinating
Hey, I don’t actually have any responsibilities right now! Except planning my lessons for next week, but I’ve got time. I guess I could also do the dishes or hang the laundry or email my advisor about my thesis topic…
Well shit.
Maybe YOU are…
(and also so am I:-)
I’m reading this and zoning out
I read this while not paying attention to an anime intro.
I was picturing that exact thing in my head but didn’t get around to making it. Thank you.
The officially changed it in my country to be an syndrome diagnosable in adults as well the very year I turned 18. I’m not saying it HAS to be because of me, but yeah.
Doctor leaves appointment with Droggelbecher
“Get the Chancellor on the phone immediately.”
Well, there is partial truth to this. Diagnosing especially preteens with mental health conditions almost always needs an asterisk, their brains are still heavily developing.
Remember that we know of no reliable genetic / physiological markers for ADHD, so when doctors diagnose it, they’re really just saying that the amount of symptoms seems to be severe enough. Some kids are just naturally more energetic, intelligent, etc. and may appear like they have ADHD, but when they develop into adults that might not actually be the case.
If anything, it’s more like 1/3 of kids were misdiagnosed as having ADHD, so they “grew” out of it because they didn’t really have it. It’s a lot less likely for an adult to be misdiagnosed because their brains aren’t changing.
Great reminders about the lack of physiological markers. The (or one?) elephant in the room, to me - I’d phrase it as - to what degree a kid’s just naturally well- or poorly-suited to the public school environment itself.
A child that finds it difficult to sit in one place and listen to words about abstract material for hours every day…I mean does that sound divergent in any way?
One of the fundamental markers of childhood in my experience is a certain…animation, just this almost irresistible urge to move around, negotiate whatever activity is occurring and in what way, with whoever is nearby…switching activities and modes of play fluidly. Seems like the most normal shit ever to me lol.
I do recognize we need a standardized way to educate our kids in a modern society, but as we learn more about young brains, we gotta start developing a more diverse way to accomplish the learning and development of self-discipline. The one-size-fits-all approach just obviously leaves many underserved, and worse, leaves them internalizing a lot of frustration with self, not to mention taking all kinds of drugs to “treat those symptoms”.
You want me to pay bills? On time? Best I can do is rack up late fees.
Set auto payments for all the things!
Oh, my workaround for that is easy, just develop lifelong crippling anxiety and still forget about 10% of them anyways!
Anxiety is a heaven sent for the Bill Paying Problem.
… when you are medicated
Man it got worse in ways i didn’t think possible.
So convinced i understood myself and i actually masterminded my soul into stagnation…
…but a hand come out of the mud
So far, what do you think ADHD is?
Well yeah, if they got better, they wouldn’t be someone you know with ADHD. Obviously
