Eight chronological screenshots from Twilight when Bella tells Edward she knows he’s a vampire | Bella and Edward are walking through a foggy forest with cowboy hats on:

Bella: Yer’ quicker than a hot knife through butter.  
Yer’ paler than a ghost.  
And you? 17? I ain’t buyin’ it.  
I reckin’ I know what yer’ affliction is.

Edward: Say it wit’ ya whole chest!

Bella: Got’ dang vampire.

Edward: And what do you 'spose we feast on?

Bella: I’d gather it ain’t shrimp n’ grits.

  • applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    39·
    3 days ago

    I’d watch the fuck out of a cowboy retelling of Twilight. Bonus points if it’s a sapphic cowboy retelling. Everyone high femme, but with a gravely old timey cowboy voice.

    • GalacticSushi@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      8·
      2 days ago

      Only if it includes at least one Foghorn Leghorn type character.

      Now boy, I say boy, I don’t believe for one second you’re 17, why it’s more obvious than a fox sneaking into the hen house! Now pay attention, this here’s important! You’re sparkling more than a hand grenade in a barrel of glitter and faster than a greased pig at the county fair! That’s a joke, son!