I will caveat this by saying I like how groups with explicitly avoiding overly nsfw stuff can make a much safer and comfortable environ in general. That said, it certainly has resulted in certain online spaces where it feels like a tug-of-war of a weird puritanical environ I’m glad I’ve gotten away from, to a fetishization of queer people and life that put me in someone else’s shoes for a second. Like, I’m a bisexual dude but and have fit in well enough in straight and gay spaces, but sometimes the jokes and the amendments on anti-horni action when applying to queer stuff has me like, “is this how I’ve made people feel?” It’s only the briefest glimmer and most times my sexuality has be fetishized I’ve got the benefit of being a cis dude in specific communities and situations where it can rightfully get a pass till I voice any concern. I dunno, just semi-ranting if I’m the only one who feels a bit awkward in some online situations and groups. Irl, it’s very rarely been a problem. That said and done, much kudos on Hexbear for trying to try a happy medium. P.S. I’ll delete or won’t relent to a mod deleting this should my confused rant ruffle feathers or straight up offend people.
I think Hexbear swings too far towards the puritan side for sure. Sex exists. Queers sex exists. It can be a totally healthy and liberating activity. Erasing it is harmful to people trying to figure their sexuality or related identities out. It can feel very othering and of course nobody should be made to feel that way because of who they are.
But it also certainly carries trauma for some folks and I can understand and empathize with the desire to provide them with a safe and welcoming space. That’s absolutely a goal I stand behind as well, because not everyone wants to see horny shit all the time and can be actively harmed by it. So yeah mostly horny stuff should stay off the site because you never know what may be triggering or harmful to a comrade in that space. Posting horny stuff can ALSO be very othering!
I still think we should have a space set aside for hornier posting specifically to balance these two competing parts of the community. Keep it in a mode where you can only see it if you’re subscribed to the comm so nobody can accidentally see it and be harmed by it, but allow a space for folks figuring themselves out to do so in a safe and accepting manner.
I understand Hexbear doesn’t really want to be all spaces for all people though, that’s also fine. So it’s not a space for folks to figure out the sexier parts of their sexuality. That’s okay. Gotta go find another community to explore that, and hope it’s a safe one. I’m lucky in that I live in an area packed to the brim with very safe left queer / trans spaces, so I just go to those and that’s where I get my horny community. Not everyone has that option unfortunately!