Please don’t hate on me, I know the name of the community, I’m just trying to explain.
To me it’s the same as saying “You look like shit after you exercise”. Well, yes, but it kind of misses the point of it. I’m doing it for let’s say “a greater good”. Sure, exercising is hard and at times you want to say “fuck it” but in the end you’re more healthy, skinny and you feel better both physically and mentally. Also I don’t value my own comfort that highly - it’s kind of fun to push myself actually. Sure I could eat fast food daily but - I know myself and I’d get bored and would try to find some new challenge.
To me it’s the same with children. If you don’t have these feelings, that’s fine.
I don’t entirely disagree with you, but that is like saying people who are childfree don’t contribute to “the greater good”. I happily pay my taxes for other people’s children to be educated, I chat with the parents and kids in my neighborhood frequently, I support their school fundraisers, I helped hide a bicycle that the neighbor kid was getting for Christmas gift so it would be a surprise etc. Just because I do not have children, does not mean I do not contribute to the greater good. I push myself in other ways, I don’t need kids to push me out of my comfort zone. It’s ok that you do, but not everyone needs that
It gets incredibly tiring to be constantly told I’m not a real womantm because I don’t want children. Or that I’m going to regret it. Or that I’m not going to have anyone to take care of me when I’m old. It’s near constant up to a certain age for women to be harassed about having children from everyone when people should just mind their own business.
What’s really funny is that I live in a very family centered neighborhood with 30+ children in my cul de sac and not one of those parents have harassed me about having kids. They ask if it’s in the plans and when I say I don’t want them, they just say “that’s cool” and the conversation moves on. They are all super chill about it.
And all of my comments are from the perspective of a woman who would have very much kept and loved the child I miscarried, the child I never even knew I was pregnant with before I was miscarrying on a public restroom floor. But that was before pregnancy would have impacted my spinal fusion.
I find it telling that every reason people try to give why “you’ll regret having kids” is just selfish.
“Who will take care of YOU when you’re older?” “Don’t YOU want people to always be in YOUR life?” “YOU won’t know love until YOU have a child.” “Don’t YOU want your bloodline to survive?” “Don’t YOU want purpose in your life?”
I have had people telling me “you’ll regret not having kids when you grow up” all through my 20s, and now that I’m in my 30s I’ve only had more and more people ask me when my spouse and I will be trying for kids because “it’s almost too late”
Since medically transitioning, a disturbing number of people have decided to butt in and tell me I should be storing sperm “for when you decide to have kids” and if I don’t, then I won’t be physically able to have them.
I’ve even had a couple of people (mostly one specific person) telling me after I inform them I had a vasectomy over a decade ago and my spouse had a tubal ligation at least 5 years ago, that vasectomies are reversible and “it doesn’t have to be your wife” (my spouse is NB but seemingly nobody except the Trans people we know seem to remember that)
I find it funny that people with kids keep telling me specifically that I will regret not having kids and giving me their opinions, yet never once have I gone out telling new partners NOT to have kids.
Also hilarious is how people with kids get defensive about their decision and go on about how people without kids make it their whole personality.
And its always fun to guess if I’ll see “well you people are creepy for making this one page I have only just found and decided it’s all you ever talk about also here’s an anecdote about how much I totally love my kids and never think like this” type comments before opening the page.
And honestly with so many fascist governments pushing us to have more kids for their meat grinders, climate change making the planet hostile for life, and everything being more expensive, it’s a wonder anyone would voluntarily have children today.
It’s always old people being pushy about it. Even after I tell them I’m not traditional like that. Like I want no kids, no marriage, just a low responsibility lifestyle. Some of em wanna lecture like you need guidance. Or the most offensive is when they respond with pity, like oh you poor thing. So fuckin weird and nosy. Like I would never do the same vice versa, wtf?
All those people also seem to forget that you can also adopt a kid if you cannot make one btw
General question that always gets everyone’s cankers up.
When you get old, who is taking care of you?
The same people that take care of people that have kids? I guess a counter-question then, do you expect your children to take care of you? Do you expect them to let you move in? Do you think a majority of people take care of their parents?
Guess we could define what “take care of” means exactly cuz ngl most people just stick their parents in a home and visit around the holidays.
I hate this question. It implies that you should be taking care of your parents when they’re old. It’s not feasible full time anymore. And aren’t we supposed to be independent adults? Shouldn’t they have been ready for retirement? I like to throw a lot of shit that olds say to young’s first. The irony of it all.
Your kids, ig. 🤷🏼♂️
A nursing home.
My one grandma lived with my aunt in her later years and both parties clearly hated it.
But beyond that, holy shit does it seem crazy to have kids as a goddamn retirement plan.
I used to not want kids, then I had kids and they’re my whole world, whole reason for living, but I think I’d stayed child free, I would have never believed that or felt that way. You only get the feelies after the child, not before. So you won’t regret it.
Yeah but if people follow your advice and they’re not digging being a parent, there’s no take backsies
I regret not getting sterilized earlier.
This comment was reasonable up until the last
sentencetwo sentences. Not everyone is like you.Admittedly, you only really get the craving for heroin or crack after, not before…
I used to want kids, then I had to have spinal fusion surgery and decided not to have kids. I have my bunnies and hobbies, they are my whole world, my whole reason for living. You only understand freedom without kids. You should get rid of your kids, you won’t regret it.
This is how you sound to me.
Note: I’m not advocating anyone getting rid of their kids. I love kids and I love their parents. That doesn’t mean I want any of my own. It’s really disrespectful to try and convince people who don’t want kids to have kids that they don’t want. It’s also horrible for the kids to not be wanted.
Sounds like mental illness.
It’s more of an instinct that we’ve evolved in order to be successful as a species.
However, we have plenty of people, everyone can just cool it with the kid having.
I have teenagers and there are PLENTY of days when I ask what the hell I have done to myself.
Bitterness as a hobby
The only bitterness I see is you scolding people who want something different from you. Piss off and stop being a dick hole.
I don’t want children either but I think it’s weird to make your whole personality about not having children.
Joining a community because you have a trait in common with them is NOT making that trait your entire personality.
Yeah, not buying it. It’s def a thing people wear around like a badge of honor.
I don’t seek out communities for stuff I don’t care about. That’s really strange behavior. I don’t go and look for “I don’t own a bike” groups. I also don’t own a bird, I don’t drink white wine, I don’t skydive, I don’t read romance novels. I don’t belong to communities of people who also don’t do those things. The point of seeking others is to share what you have in common; when that thing is ONE aspect of your life that you don’t like and thusly don’t do, what do you have in common with those people? The only reason to join a community of people who don’t do a thing is to talk about why you don’t like or do that thing.
I’ve never seen a “dogfree” community. That a childfree one exists is very strange. In the end it’s usually people just complaining.
Could you be less informed? Your argument compares things that have nothing in common with each other. Every person who has chosen (or not chosen but physically unable but keeping it private) gets shit on for that choice. You actually probably could find a community somewhere for most anyone being bullied and harassed for a specific preference they have. The existence of this community is not strange, it would have always existed on any form of mass communication. The fact that you don’t understand people having a backlash to their major life choice constantly being questioned and shit on says that you don’t actually think very hard about…much.
Yeah there are no “I don’t own dogs” communities, because people who don’t own dogs don’t get judged and harassed most days for not owning a dog. Pretty easy to see that actually.
That a childfree one exists is very strange. In the end it’s usually people just complaining.
That’s mostly because of all the shit people give us when they ask us why we don’t have kids yet. They expect us to conform and then treat us like pariahs when we don’t. This is just a place where we can vent about that to other people that understand what we go through.
I have kids. Seeing these communities here and on reddit makes me think twice about ever bringing up the kids question with anybody. I know people who are married, and I’m pretty sure they’re going to have kids, but it’s their business not mine (until they make it mine). I’ve also known people who couldn’t have kids, and so the question, on top of being annoying, may be insensitive.
Me and others are here because it’s on c/all, and so that’s that. I will say, I’m pleased by the lack of “crotch goblins” in here. Everyone seems mature, for the most part.
I don’t want to excuse all the assholery, but I get the sense that some of the hate is latent backlash acquired from other, more aggressive communities elsewhere that have more of an extreme antinatalist bent.
This place, even though it shares the name with some of those other places, it doesn’t seem like that really - like even though I do have a child I feel like I could still comment in good faith here and there as long as I’m engaging respectfully.
Did you check people’s comment and posting history to see if it’s their “whole personality” or did you just make a snap judgment based on a single meme?
I notice you posted a comment about knitting/crochet, is that your entire personality? What about that time you said Bangladesh was “crazy” for having deaths related to ship scrapping. Is your whole personality about ship breaking?
I think it’s weird to pass judgment based on people not wanting kids and being tired of other people telling us how great having kids is and we will regret it.
No joke, I’ve had people tell me I will regret transitioning because I won’t be able to “father children”, using that exact phrase.
Was this comment your whole personality? According to your logic, it must be.
OP created a whole community to complain about the existence of children and it’s literally all they do on this site.
One “what’s it to you?” comment is very, very different than the regularly whining OP provides.
Shouldn’t you be changing a diaper?
Hey man, just because you wear a diaper doesn’t mean all of us do. I have never and hope to never change a diaper
That sure is a comeback attempt.
It’s funny how antinatalists always assume you have kids when you suggest they chill out about people who choose to have kids
This safe space was created to avoid people like you. You have literally the whole world and you choose to infiltrate here. Geez Louise, go play with your kids
Hey look it’s another person making sweeping generalizations. Can’t possibly raise an eyebrow to “people who have kids are dumb” unless you have kids, I guess?
Not what the post was.
I don’t have kids.
I didn’t say you did…?
You should. Your pigheadedness and obstinate refusal to consider that people might possibly feel differently about things will serve you well.
Or they created a space for folks like me who do not want children to vent about folks who try to convince us we are wrong to not want children.
I like kids, I just don’t want any of my own. I have been told for years that I’m not a real womantm because I don’t want kids. It’s pretty nice to have a space where I don’t have my femininity judged based on someone else’s standards. It’s nice to have a space to vent about how we get scolded for not wanting kids.
And it’s not “literally all” OP does. Are you going on their car free posts and telling them they are awful for not wanting a car? What about their anti-AI posts to tell them how they are a bad person for not wanting AI? No, you’re just here judging someone for not wanting children.
Let us vent our frustrations.
Oh yeah I snapped when someone asked me when I’m going to have kids at a get together. I just said never, I’m a guy, I worked in education and that was more than enough for me. I don’t want to do that for 18+ years.
I do vent out frustrations on the anti car stuff. I had a roommate who was against cars. And you know how that went? Can you drive my spouse to the doctor? Can you take the rubbish to the dump? Can you get groceries from the next town over for us? Can you pick up a large package at the post office? The list goes on; the irony was getting to me, so you refuse to get a car and then just rely on me instead?
I once explained my position to coworkers, including the fact that I have a spinal fusion, as a reason I don’t want to have children. I even added that if I do change my mind, I can always foster or adopt later in life.
The one gal just goes “well I think all women should have their own child. Adoption isn’t the same as having one of your own”. She said this in front of a coworker who was adopted with his brother into a wonderful loving home after being removed from an abusive one. Like wtf, it was so disgusting of her.
She’s also the one who told me (a woman who loves having a pixie cut) that the only reason she feels like a “real woman” is because she has long hair. Misogyny is a hell of a drug.
Yeah that’s a very loaded subject. Adoption is great, it saves people.
As far as the appearance thing, as long as you like it you do you. I prefer anything that makes you happy.
I 100% agree on all parts
She was a very judgmental person in general, I was just really grossed out that she could say that in front of someone she knew had been adopted from an abusive home.
Your/their reaction here only makes sense without context or considering subtext. This is an old debate but lemme try one more time to make it make sense… When people say “you made a personality out of X” they are really saying “I judge you for being too interested in something that you shouldn’t be”. That is the subtext.
The context is that human beings get inundated with the messaging that having kids is the only normal thing to do, that you will never be truly happy if you don’t, that kids are the best thing in the world ever. Just ask someone who wants kids, but is not fertile, how they feel about it. That must be hell for them, because it’s annoying and offensive enough just being in the position of getting constantly told you’re wrong for your choice on the matter. Parents shame their children and put pressure on them, workplaces endlessly forgive being late/absent for kids, and governments literally pay you to have kids. Strangers on the internet tell you life is incomplete without them. TV and other media says the same. No matter who you are or where you’re at, if you interact with other people and you don’t have kids, you’re gonna be made to feel weird about it at best. Constantly. Who’s going to tell you that kids suck or that it’s okay not to have them? Very few people, especially the former.
My understanding is that OP’s post like this, and their community, is a reaction to this constant messaging telling you that you’re abnormal or unhappy if you don’t have kids. I took a peek at the community and OP doesn’t even post that much there. They probably have posted less than 1 time for every 1000 times they’ve gotten the message that they should have kids. I am going to venture a guess that the commenter here did not see 1000 “child free” posts before they decided to fire back and shame OP for making one.
I wouldn’t likely have never commented on this community if it weren’t for OP’s toxicity in the comments in the past. Their attitude goes far beyond “I don’t want kids” to “anyone who likes being a parent is a fuckin liar.” Similar to how some parents believe that the childless are inherently miserable.
They clearly don’t believe that anyone is happier with kids which is…just asinine.
For the record, I don’t have nor do I want children. But a lot of my friends are very happy parents building an incredible life for their kids. Every downside the OP harps on is so tiny compared to what they’re getting out of it.
Also hilarious that they think kids are the reason people wake up before 8am
Well I’m not seeing them being a jerk to anyone here, but what you describe definitely also sounds explainable by the constant pro-kid information we are force fed. It’s why this community exists, it’s why this is a thing, it’s why this debate happens. If most of society wasn’t judging us, exactly the inverse of what you’re claiming here, it would seem as out of nowhere and dickish as you suggest. But the vast majority of people will either silently judge you, talk about you behind your back for it, or put pressure on you overtly. I’ve had coworkers repeatedly tell me I should have kids and I witnessed another coworker finally snap at a different coworker who was telling him he needed to have kids, after what you could tell was years of needling. This is insanely common. It’s why there is a backlash to it. The backlash is a tiny fraction as bad as the norm of shaming and judging.
I agree. Which is why no one here is doing that.
I also think it’s weird to make your whole personality about having children but you’d be hard pressed to say that to a parent
Wouldn’t give all the trips to Paris for my awesome kids
They are such wonderful people
But it’s a free country and you do you
That’s wonderful for you! I’m glad you’re happy with things.
So why exactly are you here, in a childfree community page, telling people in said community about how great children are? That’s a little weird, and a bit like someone here going to a school or daycare during pickup and telling all the parents how great not having kids is.
That’s a little weird, and a bit like someone here going to a school or daycare during pickup and telling all the parents how great not having kids is.
Someone who did this would rightfully be considered an asshole, I’d even call them out for being an asshole. But folks with kids find it perfectly ok to come into childfree spaces to scold folks who don’t want kids. The logic does not compute.
There are even a few posts in this comm that I find cringy, I just keep scrolling, but these folks can’t help themselves.
I wouldn’t give up all my last minute camping trips for kids.
Stop judging people for wanting different things in life.
That’s wonderful. Why are you here?
This is getting pretty high on All , so the person could’ve seen it just scrolling and didn’t see the community name.
I’m not subscribed and I saw this on my feed
Are people in the habit of just hurtling headlong into the comments without pausing to look at what community they’re in?
People are in habit of posting without checking the community on a pretty regular basis. :/
Yes. Wait ‘till you learn that people also comment before reading the article in an article discussion as well.
Yes, that’s the social aspect of social media.
Yes. It’s the fediverse, it’s tiny and people are just trying to contribute.
Because reddit sucks? Or did you mean more existentially?
I think they meant “why are you, as someone who enjoys having kids and wouldn’t give them up for anything and has no regrets, posting in a community whose entire point is for memes and discussions about not having kids”
Parents feel they and their children belong everywhere and are owed everything. /s kinda
I agree. But unironically. No /s tag.
Yeah that’s fair but if we’re really being honest it’s because reddit sucks.
E. Also it’s totally possible to have kids and still think this community is funny af. Dunks are dunks.
