cross-posted from: https://lemy.lol/post/72694016 (original title: YOU BASTARDS)
Theory: They were masterpieces, in the old meaning
A masterpiece was an item you would craft or something you would do to earn you the rank of Master in your Guild.
This is easy to describe and judge, but hard to make if you aren’t experienced.
They put them in their gold hoardes as they were basically their version of a degree
(If you’re a metalworker and want to check if you would’ve earned the rank of Master in an ancient Guild, you can try to make one of these)
Or maybe it was the opposite, they were a basic project assigned to beginner metalsmiths to teach them the different skills. That’s why they’re everywhere, because everyone who went to the Roman equivalent of trade school made, like, 1-3.
That’s why they’re everywhere
If I recall correctly, they aren’t everywhere though.
Afaik they were only found in provinces but not in Italy.More specifically they were largely found in Gaul and Britain, so I assume it’s nonsense that spread around with the Romano-Celts. Either as noted a masterwork or maybe some type of scrying tool. There are examples of similar objects both pre and post Rome so take that as you will.
Probably something silly like the latest hot ticket item at Pier 1 Imports or IKEA or some shit. Y’kno, like the silly bands of their time! 🤪
Roman fidget spinner
Stefan Milo on YouTube did a video (likely more) on these things and he debunked that theory somehow or another. I can’t watch it right now to remember what he said, at work.
Nothing like showing off your mastery of the craft by… making the exact same thing everyone else did.
If they’re trying to objectively evaluate someone’s skills that’s exactly what you would want to do. If you have to come up with a different criteria for every submission then it starts to become subjective quickly.
Standardized testing!
Check out 90% of woodworking posts, logic holds up.
Oh shit, is the epoxy river table our version of the dodecahedron!? 😱
Wait till the wood rots away and all future archaeologists find is the epoxy.
“We believe 21st century rich people put a long strip of epoxy in their homes for ritualistic purposes. Though some have suggested it’s pretty obviously some device for knitting.”
Oh cmon, it’s obviously a dildo but the scientists didn’t want to say it out loud.
Art historians prefer the term “fertility idol”
As is tradition!
but… tradition is peer pressure from dead people.
and… dead people turn into zombies.
Ipso facto, you better make it or zombies will take your lunch money.
Logically sound reasoning.
That everyone else knows is pain in the dickhole to make? Yeah, works well, actually.
That’s unlikely. It seems to have been such a regional thing that I don’t think it’s that. If it were, you expect it to come from a Roman tradition, or at least be adopted by them, yet these aren’t found there.
Roman guilds I think?
Isn’t this not likely since it wasn’t just metalworkers that had them?
I honestly wonder if there was just some autistic metalworker who came up with this weird fucking design and made a million of them like a psychotic dwarf, and then people started to get fascinated and wanted their own. A literal thingamajig that just fascinated people because of how complex and specific it was, and it just became a cultural phenomenon.
Psssh, you can CNC that bad boy in an hour with close to no work.
With quite a bit of work. That’s more than one setup and probably a decent amount of time getting the CAM programming right.
That’s been a common theory for many years but it’s between “eeeh, maybe” and debunked.
Here’s a tip: don’t publicly theorise about things that you have close to no knowledge about. This shouldn’t have to be said.Do you actually have debunktions for it at hand?
Also, it’s a meme forum. Why shouldn’t people be allowed to spitball here? It’s not like they made some absolute claim to truth.
Your tip is actually really bad. Getting opinions from people who aren’t metalworkers or archaeologists or anthropologists is often how answers to these questions are discovered. There are many inventions/discoveries/realizations that are made from people in different trades approaching problems differently.
Here’s a tip: don’t publicly theorise about things that you have close to no knowledge about. This shouldn’t have to be said.
Nothing wrong with discussing shit you’re not an expert on. If it’s not proven, it’s not proven, they’re not hurting anything by suggesting their ideas. You don’t have to be an expert to do that. Maybe someone will come up with something no one has thought of before that could then be investigated by experts.
Idk how many times i have to post this, but it’s clearly a prime chaotic resonator. Slot some fossils into that bad boy and craft some good gear!
Craft good gear? Its just a tool to help you delete divines.
look at this larper, he doesn’t even recognize a bigass thundercube.
You use this for krangling your items.
I got this reference
Time Traveler: “Listen, I know it’s weird, but spread making this thing as a tradition, it’ll confuse the fuck out of historians in a couple thousand years.”
Multipurpose candle holder.
Holds candles of different diameters.
It’s so obvious we probably shouldn’t write it down
What is the bowl of wicker balls on the coffee table in every airbnb for?
Floor hockey
Before someone posts it, no, it’s not for knitting; there are solid ones that would have been useless for that and knitting isn’t known to have been present in the Roman Empire.
What do you mean knitting wasn’t present in the roman empire? That’s slightly less absurd than saying knots didn’t exist in the bronze age! Lack of evidence doesnt mean it’s not present! There’s lots of things we know for sure happened during the roman empire despite no one writing about it, like child baptism in early christianity. We don’t know what it looked like, but we know where it happened and that everyone was in agreement about the method.
Knitting is a technology, and there isn’t evidence it emerged uniformly throughout the world. Think about the environment that Rome is in; what good is something knitted in a hot Mediterranean climate? We have tons of art and literature documenting weaving, which was very important to Romans, but none of knitting. If you have evidence they had it you should publish it.
Knitting is 17th century (in Europe). In Rome you’d have nalbinding as an alternative.
There’s a lot of evidence, both direct and indirect, of textile production techniques. I can recommend reading books from Karina Grömer, if you’re interested in the subject.
Most convincing theory I’ve seen is that it’s a cipher tool.
(/srs) my most convincing theory is that it’s for testing smithing skills. Like that one boat on 3D printers.
A Roman benchie?
I mean… Maybe… It would be a tricky make that would require quite a bit of skill to cast or bend, weld and polish.
Not an unreasonable hypothesis all things considered.
Fun fact: While these are from the Roman period, they’ve mostly been found in what were then the provinces of Brittania and Gaul, and none have ever been found in Italy. Which tends to suggest that they’re Celtic or Romano-Celtic rather than Roman.
Yeah, in Yorkshire we still make and use them actually, but I’m not allowed to tell thee what they’re for, because of Brexit.
This is going to be future archaeologists with all of our electronics.
It’s already difficult to get some 10 year old devices’ documentation or user manual. The company behind it might not even exist anymore so I’m off to digging up the archives or translating chinese OEM’s pdfs.
I sometimes have to support old harsware still used in live systems and sometimes it feels like digital archaeology trying to find. I feel a massive wave of relief if I see them running an old enough version of our software that I can tell them lol nope unsupported.
Oldest thing I have had to support this month is a card reader from the late 90s. Essentially a scanner which scans printed templates and identifies where someone filled in the form on it. The customer was putting the cards in upside down.
And you know what to look for, have the resources to find it, and can interpret the information when you find it.
Imagine having an Xbox, a router, a cable modem, an iPhone 11, the control board from a washing machine, and the central unit from a Tesla and trying to explain what each of them was without any other context, cables, chargers, etc…
Maybe not even a compatible source of electricity!
Don’t even get me started on the ephemeral nature of software…
It’s a cigarette lighter.
When you are feeling under pressure, do something different! Roll up your sleeves or eat an orange.
That feels like a random quote from the “Little Book of Calm”
Can’t remember if it’s the same episode or not, but there’s one where Fran tries to figure out what an object is, and in the end it’s a lighter.
I actually bought the little book of calm because of the show. The lighter is indeed from the same episode, series 1, Episode 1.
“I do sell a lot of wank, don’t I?”
A new hand touches the beacon.
I can’t believe this is not known. Its the Continuum Transfunctioner.
That is a very mysterious and powerful device. I’ve heard its mystery is only exceeded by its power.
Eh, the turbo encabulator actually subsumes all the useful features of the continuum transfuctioner. Plus, thank to its panendermic semi-boloid slots in the stator, it only has a quarter of the current draw!
In case anyone isn’t in on the joke, it’s a device for circumcising boys
You find the hole of the appropriate diameter, stick his penis in, then spin it as you pull it off and it cuts the foreskin off (the inner edges are sharp)
So like a really old soda can?
Oh my god
And if you used the wrong hole, you now have a new daughter!
I do not believe you.
Ok, what do you think it is?
Wiggle diggle.
Just try building your nanomachines without one!
It was found in a Roman toilet along with three shells.
