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Dispassionate@quokk.au to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 16 days ago

Trump Administration Legalizes Corporate Adoption, Promises Every Child a Job

disreport.com

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Trump Administration Legalizes Corporate Adoption, Promises Every Child a Job

disreport.com

Dispassionate@quokk.au to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 16 days ago
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USA expands corporate personhood to include adoption, giving orphaned and unwanted children loving corporate families, guaranteed employment, and a lifetime of unpaid opportunities.
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  • AeronMelon@lemmy.world
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    16 days ago

    Fucking hell, At this point I’d believe anything.

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      16 days ago

      It’s difficult to even think of an idea so crazy that it won’t be done within one more election cycle.

  • Honse@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    16 days ago

    I didn’t read what community this was and believed this for 2 seconds. Good Lord we are a dying country that this is fully believable

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      16 days ago

      Making America great again, one employed child at a time. Do you think they will have names?

      • muffedtrims@lemmy.world
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        16 days ago

        No names, only employee id numbers

        • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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          16 days ago

          I love you US7278448482

    • buddascrayon@lemmy.world
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      15 days ago

      Yeah I was going to comment as well that I did not immediately realize that this was satire, and that is the most telling sign of the decline of Western Civilization.

  • Snowclone@lemmy.world
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    16 days ago

    Next headline: the age of adulthood now moved to 67 years old.

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      16 days ago

      Haha, we might have to borrow that idea. ;)

    • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works
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      16 days ago

      You mean 6 or 7 years old?

      • Snowclone@lemmy.world
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        15 days ago

        I’m saying they call everyone under the age of sixty seven years old legally a minor, so a corporation can ‘adopt’ and use as slave labor their entire life.

        • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works
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          15 days ago

          And I’m saying they call them adults so they can pedophile.

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      15 days ago

      Here you go. Special thanks at the bottom ;)

      https://disreport.com/articles/guwtajyl/u-s-raises-age-of-adulthood-to-85-assumes-legal-guardianship-of-entire-population

      • Snowclone@lemmy.world
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        11 days ago

        I liked it.

  • Broadfern@lemmy.world
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    16 days ago

    Don’t give them ideas

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      16 days ago

      Haha right? I think their AI is definitely unable to filter out satire.

  • schmorp@slrpnk.net
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    16 days ago

    Shh don’t give them ideas!

    • Maeve@kbin.earth
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      16 days ago

      Exactly

  • weps@lemmy.world
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    15 days ago

    good way to start filling the child’s Trump account

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      15 days ago

      Trump coin can be used at any Trump brand trading post. Remember, Trump brand, its not the best choice, it’s required by law.

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