Have you considered employment with HP’s printer division? They could really use someone like you.
I tried to print out their application, but for some reason my printer bricked itself after I bought some 3rd party ink.
Friend of mine said he tried inserting a third party cartridge and his HP printer pulled a gun on him.
I knew this guy whose HP printer shanked the delivery guy as he was delivering third party cartridges.
I went to the supply closet today and saw with my own two eyes 3 HP printers had our only Brother printer cornered. I backed away slowly and told no one.
You can’t just leave a Brother behind like that
I really didn’t want to but I’ve had run ins with that HP 5200 in the past and Betty is still covered in toner stains from when he/it dusted her. She was gently cleaning his roller when he suddenly exploded all over her face and hair. Milky white skin, blonde hair, both hands… totally covered in hot black toner… literally forced her to face clients the rest of the day covered in his letter batter. Sorry, not sorry.
My hp printer drank my beer
I installed third party cartridges and the printer printed out a legally signed document stating that it was now the legal owner of my house.
This was a plot in an iron man comic.
This was a plot in Repo! The Gentic Opera.
Wat
Superior Iron Man! The lead up to the story is: a lot of Marvel heroes were magically turned evil, things happened and they all were returned to normal, EXCEPT for Tony, who somehow managed to avoid being returned to normal AND hide that he was still evil, and went on to do some decidedly “modern billionaire tech bro” horrible shit with his advanced tech.
What a fucked up storyline. Still a good read, though.
This has already happened…
No genie though
Any sufficiently advanced technologu
This is why I truly believe letting private companies administer ANY healthcare is a risky proposition.
A replaceable contractor or supplier is fine, but fully relying on a company to not go bankrupt, with something as invaluable as eyesight, is just plain stupid.
Government should have bought-out the company. I feel like society owes it to the people who got the implants. Ideally all healthcare and any critical software should be government owned or maintained so that there is never a risk of going bankrupt.
Private health is such a scam.
Is there a free tier where really annoying advertisements are constantly displayed in your field of view?
Yes, and we’re all currently subscribed to it.
Just a second, I think I can hear Keith David and Roddy Piper brawling in an alley.
I love the hell out of that movie, but that scene is like the cinematographic equivalent of trying to pill a cat.
It’s like 6 or 7 minutes as well.
It’s like one of those Family Guy things that’s funny, goes on too long until it isn’t, and then keeps going until it is again.
Yes. Move to a city where billboards are legal and installed with the frequency and density of campaign signs.
in reality the genie is like “man who needs a monkey paw when this guys around”
Twist: Payment is on the form of a text or other short note telling you something memorable they saw, a relative, a friend, a flower, a tree, a cat, a dog, the list goes on. The emotional impact of these notes cause you to weep. Your heart grows. You can’t stop crying. Dehydration sets in. That growth on your heart, it’s a tumor. You die. It looks like the Joker killed you. Genie always wins.
Genie always wins.
Not if you do like Timmy Turner did and use one of your wishes to get an attorney who will write up an airtight contract ensuring the genie can’t do any funny business with your wish.
Edit: also should mention that Norm the genie was voiced by Norm MacDonald
Genies don’t do monkey’s paw. They are literalists
In the 1994 Disney classic “Return of Jafar” the thief who finds genie Jafar wishes for treasure so Jafar transports him to a sunken pirate ship full of treasure where he nearly drowns and I think is almost eaten by a shark.
So your can twist literal. In this case I did the same. Lawyered.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone mention Return of Jafar. I watched that movie on VHS so many times
Twist twist: you only charge .20 cents for a subscription cause there’s a shit ton of blind people and you’d still be a millionaire in 3 months.
Twist twist twist: once you’re set for life all future profits go to non-profits and charities, funding millions of dollars for restoring vision.
Twist twist twist twist: in order to continue the overall positive of charity, you start working on ways to cause blindness again so their subscription goes to other charities
That’s functionally how life works if you wear contacts, so 🤷
Or glasses. Or need eye drops. Or glaucoma medication. Or have literally anything other than unchanging 20/20 vision lmao. At least in the US
When you die:
For only €20.20/m you too can have 20/20 vision.
Tony Stark did it first.
Was he also blind? XD
That should have been the first wish
Nestle already has that patent.
Wow…I almost didn’t recognize Kurt Angle. I’m getting old…
I thought it was Kurt Angle but I started to really doubt myself.
I didn’t recognize the name so I looked it up and now I’m disappointed and like the meme less knowing it’s a wrestler
He is also an Olympic gold medalist for actual wrestling, and generally hilarious.
Four time Olympic gold medalist…
Alright, hey, that helps actually. Respect given; Olympic wrestling is legit.
Won it with a broken neck too.
Becomes Elon Musk 20 years from now, when NeuroLink has actually become useful.
Congratulations, you turned into an elite old fart who can barely clear his bowels.
The Jin strikes again! The apex troll of the Arabic mysticism!
Look at the bright side, though, at least now I can put an end to Twitter once and for all.
Unfortunately Twitter was turned into a public utility 2 years prior, and it will forever exist.
I’d pay $20/m for basic vision, I think you’re a little short-sighted, pardon the pun.
Rather than only focusing on the blind and visually impaired, just make everyone have to pay you for the privilege of sight.
