Vibethropic

Anslopic

As someone with executive functioning struggles, there’s a sort of paradoxical aspect to it that is hard. I believe children are supposed to grow up to be fairly autonomous; not in the individualist bootstraps sense, but in the sense of being confident toward pursuing and fulfilling their needs and desires.

I definitely have executive functioning issues. I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and deep in autistic burnout, so that makes functioning a lot harder. I’m also pretty fucked up from the death of a parent when I was a young child. My surviving parent gently nudged me to try a bunch of interests, but the gaping hole in my psyche made it so I was pretty depressed from the get go. Combine that with psychological abuse at the hands of a psychotic step parent (as in they regularly had literal psychoses and delusions that spurred them to be cruel to my surviving parent, not in the dismissive ableist kind of way), and I’ve got a lot poison in me I’ve yet to purge from my system even though that was over a decade ago.

Being conscientious under a system like this is its own element to add to paralysis.

Tell me about it! When I mentioned my embedding in a bourgeoisified proletarian social circle, my paralysis comes as much from the mental impact of knowing I need to slowly seek out a revolutionary social circle (while not completely blowing up at the people I already know and burning bridges) as it is the more obviously material aspects of it.

I quoted the bit about conscientiousness because I had an experience recently that really highlights how Capital can stick its hand up peoples’ asses and speak through them like a puppet, and damn it I need to vent about it!

I had traveled to another city with some friends I’ve known for a long time to attend an event. I realized that I forgot to bring antiperspirant, so I left the hotel on my own to go get some from a local pharmacy. On the way, a homeless man flagged me down and asked me to buy him some food. Besides wanting the help the guy, he suggested getting the food at the same pharmacy I happened to be going to without me mentioning I was going there. I felt like it would be an especially dick move to turn him down. That, and I had bought a coffee from the hotel’s restaurant without realizing it was Starbucks. Not only did I feel guilty for unwittingly violating BDS; I had also spilled the last bit of coffee on my face on my walk shortly before meeting the man, and had even taken my glasses off to lick it off. My aura was pretty weak.

I made the short walk with the guy to the pharmacy, he made some strange remarks about having been dropped on his head as a baby (he even took off his hat to show me the bump on his head), and I only understood about a third of what he was saying. Though mostly incomprehensible, he was very nice and not threatening in the least. We got to the pharmacy, I bought him the groceries he picked out, I bought my antiperspirant, and we parted ways.

Later that day, when I was eating lunch with my friends, I mentioned my side quest from earlier. I thought it was an interesting little event and would be fun to bring up. They fucking harped on me for it! They said I could’ve gotten killed (it was broad daylight and the entire route went through a busy area), and that I should’ve just ignored him entirely. One of these friends (whose humor consists mostly of rage b8ing people) mocked me by pointing out the window to another homeless person panhandling on the street below and saying, “Look, a homeless person! You should go down there and give him some money!”. Even the most proletarian and left leaning one of the group (I think he’s some kind of demsucc) said it was a bad idea, though he didn’t twist the knife like the others.

I know that individual acts of charity, and even charity organizations, are no solution to poverty, but Jesus Hussein Christ! Their reactions were damn sickening! It wasn’t even a “you’re bragging about doing a good thing, get off your high horse” kinda reaction, but a “fuck da homeless, but make it sound socially acceptable” kind of thing.

The dark one, Capital, possesses those who do not guard against him. Through the lips of his legion, he whispers lies into the ears of the masses. Against those who would bring about his demise, he deploys his barbed tongue; the resolve of most crumbles. Against the few whose souls escape his grasp, he deploys fire and brimstone; bullets and white phosphorous; surveillance and assassination; carpet bombings and guided missiles. Though he has long reigned over the earth, his power is weakening. In his all-consuming hunger, he devours his own legs out from under himself! For every person he kills, dozens see him for what he truly is and take arms against him. Those who have merely some of his blessings are betrayed, immiserated; his lies may linger in their hearts for a time, but cold reality will force them to see the only way out. Capital must die! Capital will die!

I meant to respond to more, and I do need to work on my confidence like you said, but I ended up in a stream of consciousness creative writing kind of thing at the end there for some reason. Now I’m tired.

On its own religion arises & develops naturally and, if left alone, is ultimately harmless in and of itself.

How does religion develop naturally and be left alone when it’s inextricably tied to reality, especially when the only societies that have existed for the past several millennia were class societies?

Also, how do we reconcile materialism and the militant atheism that’s been part of the foundation of ML parties with atheism being a bourgeois invention to flatten people into soulless automata?

I’ve been having a crisis of faith in dialectical materialism lately, especially the latter part. I’ve been an atheist for my entire adult life and all I have to show for it is empty comfort and self hatred. I’ve seen the downright miraculous transformations people have when they re-establish their relationship with God. It’s indisputable proof that God exists, that He cares for us, and that the evangelists the reddit atheists would always argue with were right: only a fool says in his heart there is no God. Why should anyone treat the material as primary, let alone all that exists?

Yet, as far as I can tell, this is incompatible with Marxism-Leninism. Even people who are both religious and committed MLs, like Lady Izdihar, offer explanations that try to reconcile the two that aren’t convincing to me.

Update: Everything past the first two paragraphs was basically a mini-crashout. I’ve been having my bouts of intense rumination, irrationality, and hopelessness increasingly often. For the most part I’ve at least had the good sense not to post through it, but I made that mistake when I made this comment. I think I need to get away from social media (even the FOSS kind) for a pretty long time.

For what it’s worth, regarding the “God” question, I find the idea of its existence to be ridiculous if I put in even the tiniest amount of thought about it, but the overwhelming majority of people I have to interact with in real life take it seriously. It gets to the point where I start thinking I must be the wrong one if so many people disagree with me, and the mental stress of trying to jam the square peg of society’s belief into the triangular hole of my mind makes me desperately try to convince myself something is true even if I fundamentally cannot believe it.

Ultra memes are cursed

A bit of tangent, but I’ve always hated the framing of “small/less government” vs “big/more government”. As if “amount of government” is what determines the system it uses or whose interests it serves.

I leave Chudyphus at the top of his home feed. One always finds one’s burden again. But Chudyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the wokes and posts cringe. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each character of that post, each seething hater of that cringe-filled feed, in itself, forms a world. The struggle itself toward the depths is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Chudyphus happy.

I made it halfway through the video before I had to stop so I don’t die of second-hand embarrassment. The bit about the DEI college admissions not letting a light skinned Black guy into college because he’s not dark skinned enough really shows the utter detachment from reality this guy has.

FF IV remake starring Joachin Phoenix as Kefka.

Holy shit they unironically spell it “ruzzian” 😂

I’m surprised to hear the Destruction of Reason (a piece of theory I don’t hear mentioned much around here) and Losurdo in the same sentence without mentioning Losurdo’s work on Nitezsche.

Never thought I’d get so much mileage out of this image.

They just need to fuse now.

Sucking yourself up from your own penis is the new pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.

Bit idea? More like Brit idea.

MF is creating the diamond-water paradox in real life.

Even non-chuds that I know take it as a rule that you should only donate food directly to beggars because if you give them money they’ll 100% use it on drugs (as if staving off withdrawal was a bad thing). Even had someone tell me that money should only be donated to charities because they’ll actually know how to spend it, unlike the homeless people themselves.

It’s ridiculous.

I’m going to say it.

The Face Eating Leopards Party has a face eating leopard problem.

We’ll see if people are even still playing Arc Raiders at the end of the month.

So this is what Trump’s McDick’s summit was really about.

Okay, but have you considered that the 90% of those 1.3B Chinese residents who like their government and want to keep it are simply brainwashed, ignorant, or stupid?

Silly tank E. The thought police, which are totally real (trust me bro), will come after any who dare express dissent. This is why we enlightened westerners with our Enlightenment™ values need to support the US invasion of China across the Taiwan Strait while also pretending it was actually China who struck first (just like the heckin’ unwholesome Vietcong 😡 did at the Gulf of Tonkin) and that Taiwan is actually a sovereign state fighting off an imperialist invader instead of a puppet government for the wholesome keanu chungus defenders of democracy.

Slobber Tie Won! Down with Zizzy Ping!

I cannot tell the difference between them if I just see one in the wild.