Okay, writing the title I feel like the answer is obvious but bear with me.
Growing up, I had a male friend for 10+ years. We fell out of touch, and 5 years later I discovered that they transitioned and they now go by a different name.
Of course I’m happy for her now, but I’m not sure how to refer to her in the context of our friendship. For example, bringing up an old story to my family. Suppose her deadname is Sam and she is now called Sarah.
Should I say, Sarah and I used to…
Or Sam and I used to…
I never knew her after her transition, but I suppose she was always a her?
I don’t mean to be offensive, I’m just ignorant :)
maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t. i used to id with my agab but now I don’t. was i always agender? was that internal affirmation or an external reward for conforming? all i know is how i (don’t) feel now.