Alright, so, this is going to sound crazy, but I don’t like showering. It has nothing to do with the feeling of being clean (I love cleanliness and order), but just simply because I find it uncomfortable to shower. I have a whole bunch of fancy shampoos, nice-smelling body washes, etc to help encourage me to shower, but it still just feels freaking uncomfortable and annoying. And it’s so embarrassing to talk about it because of the stereotypes about people and showering. I end up showering on about an every-other-day or every-two-days basis, and I’d really like reducing that down to every day. I don’t like smelling, or desperately trying to avoid people because I’m insecure I stink. I just want to be motivated to shower without having to constantly force myself to do it for the sake of everyone else or picking up the pieces.
By the way, my psychiatrist strongly suspects I’m autistic. I’m being formally evaluated w/ the psychologists and stuff in late July. So that might be a reason why I have such an odd dilemma like this.
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I usually just let my patients do hoebaths / birdbaths for a bit in between real ones. That’s wet wipes to the face, pits, and genitals / perineum and then a shower cap designed for a bedbath where you scrunch it in, let it sit, then just towel dry it out. You can also put it in a warmer designed for wipes / caps OR some of them even have microwave instructions.
Now that said I have access to all of this from the stockroom on the medical unit next door who actually have to do bedbaths rapidly and at scale. For a cheaper / more eco friendly option most nursing homes use a basin and washcloths with special no rinse soaps. If you keep your home sink clean enough you don’t even need the basin. Just be careful to go in the right order face -> pits -> genitals -> butt.
Another thought (if you’re white) is that washing your hair once a week isn’t actually just for black people. White hair CAN tolerate daily washing with soap but that doesn’t mean it should. My 2B hair has been much fuller with a healthier sheen and gets compliments from hairdressers with once a week washing. I do regular soap only once a week then put a pea size amount of Vaseline on my fingertips then fingercomb through and that’s all it needs. It gets wet and toweled off in my regular shower but that’s incidental. My hair is also short so there’s no daily combing and styling happening just making sure the part is set right while it’s wet. If you’re washing daily right now there’ll be a 1-2 month oily detox / withdrawal period but just tie it off your face and wear a hat / scarf and it’ll be worth it when the detox is done.
My last thing to say is that if you pick ONE hygiene task daily the one thing that will affect your long term health the MOST is brushing your teeth, so if you have to pick one it’s that one. Well washing your hands is actually more important but I’m hoping you’re doing that more than once a day.
About the white hair part, I have something akin to 1c/2a, and my hair genuinely just gets oily and sometimes dandruffy after the first day. How are you able to extend it to a week?!
Like I said; detox period. Wear hats / scarves / bonnets for a month or two. It’s rough but it’s worth it.
Why is it so normalised that people have to shower every day? Are people running a marathon or something? It can even harm your skin to shower so often. Unless you do physical exercise or have a condition showering everyday might harm more than it solves. Source
This is a very individual thing. I start smelling really fast, especially during the summer, and i also sweat a lot (which i take advantage of at home by having a good ventilator, which is my constant companion if temperatures start rising above 27°C) - ideally i should shower twice a day so i can feel clean. Medically, everything is fine with me - Blood samples are fine, my circulatory system is fine and i don’t eat fast food more than once every 2 weeks or so, the rest is home cooking.
Since I know that this is bad for my skin, i skip it when i don’t meet people, but for me daily is really the minimum to dont feel icky.
I just don’t feel clean unless it’s once a day kind of thing. Yeah, I don’t know why it’s so normalized either, but I kind of participate anyway because I don’t like the pampering it takes to ensure I don’t stink and the constant insecurity over my smell. It’s summer and humid here, so I can’t escape sweating, even with cotton/linen clothes and sunscreen to the max.
I make sure to use body lotion and body oil so that my skin isn’t so dry after cleaning.
Does your deodorant not work? Have you talked to your doctor about prescription deodorant? Are you actually stinky or are you just worrying about it because obsessive thoughts about insecurity is a very autistic thing
The deodorant I’m using is weaker than the other brand I’ve tried, but it works well enough for daily use. I could stink, or could not stink. I don’t know. That’s what bothers me most—I genuinely can’t tell if I stink or not. I just use external cues like oily hair and certain “feelings.”
I may or may not be autistic. We don’t know, so I could just be anxious and have it not be an autism thing.
I think this is a result of marketing and capitalism, it’s so important everyone things they’re dirty and gross so we can sell them more soaps and perfumes and products to alleviate the stress the people selling said products put in their heads.
In my case, it’s that I feel insecure about my hair. The shower is crucial to undo bedhead before I leave the house.
My first and best move, I believe, was to make my bathroom a lot less stimulating. I added an indirect light, an adjustable pressure shower head, and a space heater.
That helps an absolute ton.
I also accepted that doing less but doing it still, is a lot better than not doing it at all. Someday I just shower, some other day I shave and shower, some other day I just wash my hair. Breaking it up and not seeing “hygiene” as a big single task massively helps too (and that’s applicable to many other things as well).
Oooh. Thank you! (i’m going broke)
If you’re actually autistic, I hope you get diagnosed, it’s definitely life changing (for the best and sometimes the worst ahah)!
I don’t know how to feel about the autism thing T_T I don’t feel like I have enough of the criteria to be autistic, but damn it could explain some things. I don’t know. We’ll see I guess!
When I questioned whether or not I was autistic (at 31) with my therapist, it made me realise how contextualised and nuanced it was, how ingrained it was and what couldn’t be explained by autism was actually ADHD. It turns out I have both (as many do).
Now everything just makes sense, but it took me almost 3 years of introspection, reflection and work to see it all (or most of it, I’m pretty sure there are things that I haven’t entirely noticed or understood yet).
A washcloth and a bowl of water. That’s what all the civilized world has used daily during most of it’s centuries.
They also had plague during those centuries.
We also had a plague this century ¯\(ツ)/¯
True. And had they known at that time that more washing the hands and less touching the sick would help their health, I guess they would have done that.
Pick up some baby wipes. My wife and I like Water Wipes, they’re plastic and fragrance free but there are many other choices out there as well. Aside from the obvious usage in the bathroom, a quick wipe down of your armpits and nether regions can go a long way to keep you fresh between showers.
Thank you! I do have wipes for this reason as well 😁
Can you figure out what specifically you don’t like about showering? Like is it taking you clothes off, the sounds of water echoing in the room, getting out and being wet before towelling off… like what combination of the million little sensory things involved is the issue for you?
Or is it more a timing/activity issue, like you don’t want to interrupt whatever you’re doing outside the shower to do the new different activity (or rather the million tiny activities involved)?
The problem for me usually lies in the temperature. I need it hot so I don’t shiver and I relax, but at the same time I get lightheaded when this happens. Also, I get tired of standing and maneuvering for the body wash part. Since I can wash my hair in the sink or just by sitting, usually that’s alright. There may be a slight gender dysphoric component to it, but I don’t hate my body, and I’m grateful for all that it does for me.
I mainly find all the tiny steps and actions I do exhausting, but I’m stuck doing them because it bothers me more if I don’t. I think that’s the TL;DR.
I think washing your undercarriage and pits goes a long way. If you can get a handheld showerhead or bidet you can do it without even taking your too clothes off. Just a tiny bit of soap between the ass cheeks and sometimes on the hairy bits, then rinse all of it with water. With a bidet you can do it while on the toilet, otherwise pop a squat in the shower after the morning pee/poo and rinse off.
For the pits you can use a tiny towel or washcloth and soap and water, and even do it fully or partially clothed. I like wiping off the neck and underboob at the same time to feel cleaner.
With this I think a full body shower including hair washing isn’t necessary more than once or twice a week (for some even less) depending on your lifestyle, age and body composition. It’d be good to recruit a friend or family member to do a smell check occasionally (when you have access to a full shower) and ask them to be truly honest on if you need a shower or hair wash. Your body changes over the years, and your funk levels changes with it.
A bathtub might suit you if possible, or at least a shower chair.
Shorter hair means quicker showers, if that’s something you’re considering anyway - go for it. Otherwise dry shampoo (or just flour for blondes or cacao powder for darker hair) can push a shower another few days.
You could also attempt to do the opposite and shower as cold as possible, at least for a set time period (I had no hot water for 6 weeks, it was torture, but also enlightening in how i could change my shiwer habits) - just to try to break your dependency on overly hot showers. It’ll also save plenty of water because you’ll naturally turn it off when soaping to not stand in cold water unnecessarily.
Thanks, but I can’t shower that little, since I’m still 16 and going through puberty (BO smells like death for me), and my hair is very oily regardless of dry shampoo (that can only push it a day). I have a bidet and use it regularly. I find it too uncomfortable to use beyond cleaning after no. 2.
I am making an appointment currently to buzz my hair off, so the added 10 minutes of pampering my hair will soon be gone (THANK THE SKY!). I’ll add a shower chair to my list of things to get (I already shower in a bathtub anyway); hopefully I’ll accumulate enough points to afford it quicker. Cold seems like a good idea, just need to get over the barrier of making myself actually do it lol.
Kindnessskills makes some great points. Bet they smell fresh as a daisy out camping!
We used to do outdoor music festivals and would camp for days so we could have a safe place to walk “home” to drunk and stoned. I learned some tricks from those party folks on staying fresh while young n sweaty and tent swapping. Just being able to get a lil fresh water with soap and/or wipes to the stinky triangle (pits to crotch) helps a ton.
You mentioned you already use a tub. How do you feel about taking a bath to get all soapy and sudsy and then just doing a shower rinse off? Even a quick soak ensures it soapy wayer gets in all the crevices.
Other folks mentioned wipes… might want to look into nursing home hospital stuff. Many things made for people who cannot shower or take a proper bath and still want to be clean (found lots of useful things for camping!) As said elsewhere, daily showering (especially hot water) is very rough on the skin.
Have you considered a hand held shower head and a shower seat?
a. Have one b. Considering one
Would a water proof stool help? That way, you just have to focus on balancing.
I bring my towel into the bathroom and turn the water on. I tell myself I can turn the water off and give up but usually just the partial act of showering will get me to do it. Putting on music or a podcast helps so I can pay attention to something else while showering helps too.
Otherwise I’ll use wet wipes for the days it’s just not happening.
Just want to second all of this advice. Make showering as pleasant as possible - I use podcasts the most. I’ll even bring in my coffee or a cold beverage and reframe it as “spa” time.
Also showering every other day, as long as you’re not in a super hot climate, is usually plenty to keep yourself at normal levels of cleanliness.
Crap, why didn’t I think of it as spa time? Seriously, I might just get some stuff to set it up like a bathhouse. Too bad my area’s too rural and separated for any banyas to exist.
Sometimes tricking our brain is easy lol
I hope that helps!!
Thank you for the tip—it sounds amazing!
I love music, but it doesn’t sound right in the shower, therefore I avoid audio for the sake of preserving the original sound. I have a pack of antibiotic wet wipes for that reason as well.
Audio books and a decent speaker. I have a little clip speaker that I bought specifically for the shower. I love getting lost in books while showering and since the actual cleaning activity occupies the annoying part of my brain, I can truly sink in to the narrative.
Damn, the JBL one? I was thinking about getting that for snowboarding anyway LOL. I’ve never really tried an audiobook, but if I end up getting a JBL, it’s worth a shot I guess!
Maybe alternating with a bath would help? That’s if you have the time and patience to fill and drain a tub. If you can get a japanese-style tub, it’s narrower but deeper, so you use less water.
If space is a contraint washing bowl in the shower could also work.
You don’t have to fill it all the way. You can get a couple gallon bucket to get wet and to rinse.
I see where you come from. The stink will be a challenge if you don’t shower daily. As a rule of thumb, if you can smell yourself, others do, too.
A washcloth may do the trick. It’s important to use hot water and soap. Wash once with soap, a second time with clear water.
If you can smell yourself, others have been smelling you for a while.
Should I toss the washcloth into the laundry bin afterwards (of course, after hanging it to dry)? Thinking about cutting up some old or broken clothes for this.
I use washcloth mittens myself. These are popular here in Germany, cheap, practical and durable. I dry them next to my towel after I use them.
I wash a mitten after 2-3 uses, and wash it with my towels. I put it to my nose for a smell test before I use it. And if it doesn’t smell fresh anymore, I‘ll put it in the laundry.
That sounds like the exfoliating gloves we have here in the States. I don’t use anything other than my hands for the sake of hygiene (can’t stand the idea of being washed with potential bacteria/oil/dead skin cells), but a simple rag that I chuck into a washing machine on a sanitizing cycle would probably be effective. Thanks for the idea!
Have you tried dry shampoo and dry soap?
I have dry shampoo, but I’ve never heard of dry soap. What’s that?
If smell is an issue, try different clothing. A couple years back i discovered “anti-microbial” shirts. I have no idea what they’re treated with, but they basically suppress BO. If i wear normal cotton t-shirts, i feel like i reek in the early afternoon. On a more natural sode, I’ve recently had very positive experiences with merino wool clothing.
Hm, that’s interesting. Usually natural fibers are preferred for breathability and odor control, so I’m curious about how a (probably) synthetic fabric would combat against odor.
The tag mentions close too 100% cotton, but also “biocide”. So probably not the best for the environment, but it still works after a couple hundred washes
Almost no one needs to shower daily unless you’re getting actually dirty or sweating your ass off because you live in a hot or humid climate. There’s nothing unsanitary about showering every other day or every two days, a lot of dermatologists would even advocate for exactly that. If you’re getting stinky when you don’t shower for 48 hours that’s likely due to not wearing or using effective deodorant or not washing clothes well enough, often this is a washing machine or product issue not anything you’re doing wrong, it could be you’re not regularly cleaning your sheets or maybe even diet but it’s almost certainly not because you shower a completely normal amount, you probably do not stink.
That said I’m also autistic and I also do not like to shower, I find it physically uncomfortable and over stimulating to be touched all over like that. I shower ever 2-4 days, I live with my kids and they would absolutely tell me, and have, if I get stinky and it doesn’t happen often because it’s not a matter of not showering enough but the sort of stuff I listed above.
Are you sure you’re not experiencing OCD like symptoms externalizing your social anxieties and causing you to worry about being stinky? OCD and autism have a pretty high comorbidity so having obsessive or intrusive thoughts might be a better place to start investigating rather than trying to shower more since you already shower a perfectly normal amount.
Was previously diagnosed with OCD. I simply took the CBT techniques to heart and over a few years my OCD just kind of…disappeared. Although there are remaining issues, I don’t deal with a lot of intrusive thoughts on the regular. Now I’m diagnosed with bipolar I, whatever that means…
I had bad hygiene in the past (middle school me genuinely stank) and some bad memories associated with it, so now I guess I am a little obsessive about my cleanliness. I’m afraid of the social isolation and judgement passed onto twelve-year-old me will repeat, so I’m careful to make sure I’m smelling fresh.
The clothes are not a problem (although polyester does collect odor), but I will replace my sheets more often and look into laundry techniques some more.
Sink bath. Shower every few days, wash just the stinky bits the other days
Take a bath?
