I bet jacking off is the last thing on your mind right now
Tony the Tiger as an unrepentant gooner.
John Harvey Kellog and the Battle Creek Sanitarium said you’re doing great work.
We can’t stop until everyone else does
Alright but this better not be some kind of scheme to trick me so you can sew my foreskin to the rest of my penis, that sounds horrific
This is a new formula where such direct intervention is not necessary
oooh. i’m drinking my coffee right now but suddenly i have the feeling that i’m putting it in the wrong hole
Coffee should be used as an enema to cleanse your holes of sin
can i have some of your fabled vegan meat substitute made from peanuts instead? i promise i won’t jork it
But only the blandest and smallest portions. Wouldn’t want flavour to excite you at all
ⓘ This user is suspected of being a cat. Please report any suspicious behavior.
Of course it is. Why would I masturbate when there’s a perfectly good bowl of soggy cornflakes to fuck?
At least wait for the milk to congeal first
oh it’ll be congealed alright
Allosexuality is a disease
When you’re sexually attracted to the bri’ish accent
can i have some yogurt instead?
Plain unflavoured Greek
“plain unflavoured greek” is code for “unpassionate missionary butt stuff with the lights off”
wtf did you just call me
Can I put blueberries in it
no
you can, but you don’t want to
keratinize me, kellog!
They are not soggy enough
You fool! If I can’t enjoy my food I’ll be forced to derive pleasure from masturbation instead! Your abusive food production has guaranteed me a place in Hell!
You allos sure are uncomfortable to be around
I need it in unsweetened oat milk.
cow's milk
gets me way too horny.
Unsweetened, unseasoned porridge water is acceptable
Yaaaaassss. Never be hot and bothered again!
![[CW: Dairy] Hey Liberal, wouldn't you like this small bowl of cold, bland cornflakes that are quickly getting soggy?](https://thelemmy.club/api/v3/image_proxy?url=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-content.duckduckgo.com%2Fiu%2F%3Fu%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fc8.alamy.com%252Fcomp%252FBH0BK1%252Fbowl-of-cornflakes-BH0BK1.jpg%26f%3D1%26nofb%3D1%26ipt%3Dc50ede256fabd650e620effd7087d8b43d771f260c0a8360a1361e90e9d0b867){kind=link}