I hate golf so much that I’m writing a book which features it. It’s ecocide as much as it is wholesale genocide for the benefit of sociopaths. As a big urban greenspace guy, they’re uniquely infuriating.
Unfortunately I have to do the horticulture at a couple municipal ones. Today I’m pruning the shrubs in one of them and feel a thud against my shoulder. Some golfer hit a ball at full power (160 kph~) in my direction while I’m wearing high visibility gear, somehow hit me with it, and somehow missed bone. It went between my scapula and spine/neck/skull so it’s just a really painful bruise. The guy spontaneously came over to apologise which was good enough for me.
Actually feeling physical pain from golf is a whole new dimension of reasons to hate golf. I could always separate myself from it and golfers, but now it’s personal. Golf courses aren’t just drastically increasing my chance of developing horrific illnesses. They actually made me want to fight a specific person representing all the reasons I hate golf.
If I was a Menshevik hater of golf before, now I am become Bolshevik the destroyer of golf. I fucking hate golf with three asterisks.
Mini golf is better than golf in every single way so golf is just obsolete
One of the ways people xeriscape here is a minigolf company that will convert part of your lawn for free to a patchwork public course. You get to walk around a neighbourhood playing a low-impact sport in the shade of an urban forest. That I have no problem with. A full minigolf course using astroturf instead of grass, sure. It’s small and they don’t need the same chemical inputs. I don’t understand why we allow more than that.
golf isn’t even fun in video games. that’s how sad it is
Wii Sports golf is pretty fun but that’s the only time
Real golf could neved create floating islands for you to launch your balls on
Mario golf is fun
FUCK GOLF
I was thinking when I was walking by a golf course once how funny it would be to spread rumors that there are $10 million in gold bars buried somewhere in the green of the 4th hole of 10 random golf courses in the USA.
When I was a kid I grew up near some golf course. One winter I tore that shit up a couple times a week. Id tag shit like, “FUCK GOLF” and draw a hairy dong under it
Unfortunately nobody sabotages ours. People will rip out the irrigation lines in parks when we lock the bathrooms at night which is funny+correct, but the golf courses are pristine. I try to do my part by driving bobcats over the greens and stomping around in heavy boots but it isn’t enough.
I too have to work at a g%lf course from time to time, doing irrigation system repairs the groundskeepers can’t handle. I had one guy walk over to me, while I have the ground laid open and I’m just lousy with mud, and ask me how long until he can come thru since I am in the way, or if I mind moving so he can play through real quick. every time I go work at one I will ask for a babysitter to go sit at the tee box for whatever the hole I’m working on, to wave off g#lfers “for my safety”. I got called an asshole once because I was tracing a shorted irrigation zone controller wire and the entire hole made unavailable so I didn’t get hit with errant or intentional g#lf balls.
Idgaf. Fuck g#lf and fuck g#lfers.
Irrigation is fun work. They usually just store their carts and bags on the path and force me to sit there in my bobcat waiting for them to finish a hole. That bobcat has a loud diesel engine so I pull up as close as I can to them and poison them back.
If I won the lottery, I’d buy a golf course just to turn the country club into a community centre. Turn some of it into walking paths, let the rest return to nature, plant trees. Put in basketball courts. Just to make golfers living nearby cry.
Oh, and just to spite them further, I think I’d put in mini-golf courses. Really good ones too. No expense spared.
The local metroparks system bought a golf course here and did essentially this. It’s awesome and everyone loves it.
The people’s golf
disc golf is kinda cool though
Even disc golf would be a much better form of it. Our course is just baskets scattered throughout a public park. It even supports a tournament community without impacting the land or public’s access to it.
:kelly
Discgolf Elysium
I assumed you already hated golf basically the maximal amount short of resorting to stochastic terror attacks because of how much of a greenspace guy you are. I apologize for underestimating the level of fury you are capable of while remaining coherent.
I’m glad the injury doesn’t seem to be too bad.
It’s the luckiest injury I’ve had in a while. Any worse of a shot and it’d be some kind of debilitating fracture that doesn’t even seem to be legally assault.
I thought I understood my hate too. My plan for landscaping was ripping out all of the grass and installing a guillotine in the middle of their hellscape until they flee. Now the hate is focus.
anybody who plays golf should be shot. there’s literally nobody salvageable who’s playing that shit, it’s the purest poison imaginable
I knew an old school commie and union organiser who was into golf. He’d been to Cuba as part of a solidarity delegation and often spoke fondly of Hugo Chavez who he’d once shaken the hand of.
He would still have to go into the mines for the golf thing.
Lmao, I actually worked four days at the local golf course this week, will find out on monday if I’ll get a job there for the rest of the summer or whatever
Good. Let the hate flow through you.Golf balls seek people out when you hit them I swear.
I went to the park with my dad as a kid to hit some balls. I’d hit several dozen balls before and never made it further than like 30ft. But my dad takes a walk over to the other side of this big open green space while I’m hitting these golf balls in another direction. I decide to turn round and see how far I can hit one across this field.
For a split second I turn into fucking Tiger Woods and hit this one golf ball right across the field and crack my dad right in the head with it. I couldn’t believe it. It was a one in a million thing. He was so far away and I managed to get not only the power but the pinpoint accuracy to hit him.
He ended up with a big bump on his head. He wasn’t even mad, just as dumbstruck as I was.
It was a sign from God that golf is destructive
My blind rage fixation on chasing the guy down was tempered by confusion as to how it even hit me. There was an open field maybe 100m wide and I had three trees as nearby cover. He was hitting it from the starting point which was 160m away. The other time it happened I knew it was intentional because two freaks were laughing after hitting it between the heads of a coworker and I, but this time I it was such a great bad shot that I don’t know how many more it’d take to replicate hitting me.
I live near one now and whenever I’m passing by one of the tee boxes I try to honk my horn mid swing.
When I was young, I lived on one side of a golf course and worked on the other, so I cut through to walk to work. On the way home, or just when I was drunk, I would piss in the holes. We also tipped over their portable toilets a few times. Looking back, it probably ruined some groundskeepers mornings, but I have always hated golf and golfers.
