And we already know you’re a leftist who doesnt approve of ancient Spartan society. Saying you’d get killed for going John Brown mode isnt a fun answer. Fun answers only.
I’d befriend the goat herder guy and suggest we fight together master blaster style where he rides on my shoulders and jabs down at Persian army guys with a spear. I would lose balance and fall flat on my face the second the terrain became uneven or goat harder tried to use the spear. I would then be stepped on by an elephant.
Big feelings.
A truly noble death befitting a Spartan warrior.
odds are i’d probably just die shidding and farting from dysentery
Lucky arrow shot while hiding behind the 3,000 Peloponnesian heavy infantry who were also there
They did their part
In the big shield wall pushing scene, I get stabbed by a guy I wasn’t looking at and am next seen in hades arguing that my death was unskill anti-fun bullshit
Anti fun bullshit is the way of the so called God King Xerxes. Continue to report this to Hades and surely you shall be reborn in Elysium
Drowning the night before the battle begins (what I drown in is left up to the reader’s imagination)
volcel ephors
A noble sacrifice allowing other warriors a replacement shield and spear!
Venereal disease.
That takes a while and was therefore probably contracted well before the army was assembled and therefore we can all still say the Spartan army is totally not at all gay!
Literally trying to dine in Hell
Uhh hey do they take breakfast reservations in Hell
Only brunch, and it’s a small plates restaurant to share.
Haha look at this nerd who can’t just fly away!
Oh wait they have arrows don’t they
Icarus, you flew too close to the
sunPersian army!“Father, several arrows have pierced my wing!”
“We are flying over Persian airspace.”
Is this related to the current war in Iran?
YOU WHAT
Not many people know this but Daedalus made Shaheds out of pine and wax for Xerxes.
Safe move fighting other ancient Greeks cause they wouldnt wanna piss off Athena. Having an owl in the army would probably really help demoralize the enemy in that case. Augurs would be heavily advising not to fuck with you or your friends. The dreaded PERSSSIANS have no such god!
So what you’re saying is I should betray communism and become a god
You arent the god. Athena is. She’s your boss. Being a symbolic representation doesnt pay the bills, i’m not sure what kind of deal The Owl Union cut with Athena way back, but she may have gotten some leeway cause of the dividends. It’s why we decided owls are smart and have so many stock images of them in graduation gowns
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Exhaustion on the first day of marching before they even got there.
hole
An honorable death. We shall meet again in the Elysian fields!
honestly, probably colon perforation complications
Goregrind song title
Get stabbed in the mouth by a Spartiate because i went off about how Spartan military supremacy was largely a myth and how the Argives were regarded to be better soldiers
Fart
Stepping on something sharp with my sandaled feet and then sitting on the ground crying until someone put me out of my misery.
probably stabbed with a spear
real, same
