• moakley@lemmy.worldEnglish
    904·
    17 days ago

    Wait, are you leaving the entire bag of donuts in the breakroom? Because I gotta say, if you leave a whole bag of donuts in the breakroom, that means you brought donuts for everyone.

    If you’re bringing them in one at a time, why are you leaving it in a publicly accessible space? Why not leave the donut at your desk? Also, donuts for lunch, not breakfast?

    None of this makes any sense.

  • modestmeme@lemmy.world
    70·
    17 days ago

    I applaud this because it sends a message without being harmful (aka it wasn’t filled with ghost peppers or angry bees).

    • America@sh.itjust.works
      824·
      17 days ago

      I mean, you can still hurt someone severely with this. Aspirating mustard is, to put it lightly, not good for the lungs. Really though, fuck’em. Ask for donuts and we can have an arrangement. Steal them and prepare for death by mustard.

        • brem@lemmy.world
          1·
          17 days ago

          Mustardonut (coming to theaters this Christmas)

          Homer’s Odyssey just got spicy!

        • America@sh.itjust.works
          516·
          17 days ago

          People generally continue breathing while eating. If you introduce something unexpected, runny, and acidic, that can be harmful. I’m not certain whether you were joking or not, but there’s your lesson on eating, if you sincerely did not understand.

            • plantfanatic@sh.itjust.works
              53·
              17 days ago

              If it’s not something you’re expecting, what do you think happens when someone is shocked or surprised? They typically inhale.

                • plantfanatic@sh.itjust.works
                  32·
                  17 days ago

                  How would you cough with no breath though? You need to inhale….

                  So if you have no breath, you need to breath in first to be able to cough out. Does this seriously need to be explained in detail? Or is the concept of thinking just not a thing with some of you?

                  Yes people can breath and eat perfectly fine, that doesn’t mean it’s not a serious concern in certain situations. I’m sorry you can’t seem to be able to comprehend this extremely basic thing called “eating”.

                  People choke all the time, if eating is so easy, how does it happen…? Do you seriously need to have choking explained to you, or do you just refuse to believe it’s possible? It seems like reality is just not a thing in your bubble.

            • America@sh.itjust.works
              46·
              17 days ago

              Dang, man. With a response like this, I don’t think you’ve ever been surprised before, and that’s really cool! I’d put that in my “2 truth and a lie.”

      • gastroglizzy@piefed.socialEnglish
        7·
        17 days ago

        you can still hurt someone severely with this.

        Fingers crossed. This is a workplace lunch thief we’re talking about here.

  • rumba@lemmy.zipEnglish
    69·
    17 days ago

    We had a lunch thief who would hit a few times a week. We anounced it several times. Kept happening. Finally somebody got pissed enough to act. They got a really nice deli sandwich, got the hottest spices they could get their hands on and put them on just enough to make it intolerable, but not enough to smell hot.

    The millionaire owner’s son was stealing them. Asshole drove around in a $130k car. He cried like a little bitch, wined that he didn’t have time to go out for lunch. Got daddy to send upper management in to scold our manager. Our manager read the prepared statement with as much sarcasm as they could muster and no more sandwhiches were stolen.

    • boonhet@sopuli.xyz
      4·
      16 days ago

      The millionaire owner’s son was stealing them. Asshole drove around in a $130k car. He cried like a little bitch, wined that he didn’t have time to go out for lunch.

      Hey look, he’s quite literally the target audience for food delivery services. Has money, wants food, has no time to go out for food or prepare food at home. Perfect. Go order yourself a fucking sandwich instead of stealing everyone else’s.

      • rumba@lemmy.zipEnglish
        2·
        16 days ago

        It was a number of years before they existed, but it’s not like places didn’t offer delivery.

      • qarbone@lemmy.worldEnglish
        16·
        17 days ago

        Very important: you have to continually steal from the same people.

        Otherwise, you’re just some nomadic donut nabber, and you’ll have to rely on the astronomically-unlikely coincidence that you pick up a mustard donut meant for a different, local and more-sedentary donut stealer.

  • sychthys@lemmy.world
    12·
    17 days ago

    Reminds me of the time a friend of mine borrowed our electric chocolate tempering bowl to “do some chocolate coating with {his} daughter” a few years ago. My partner at the time worked with him and came home with the bowl and told me he wasnt allowed to borrow it again.

    Apparently he chocolate coated chewy mints, jalapeño slices, spearmint gum, and fucking green olives… then brought them to work with a little “take one” card. No one but my partner knew who did it and there was apparently a witch hunt to figure out who did it. The never found out, but my partner got close to being blamed.

    Good times.

  • kay@lemmy.worldEnglish
    9·
    17 days ago

    If the mustard doesn’t stop them, you could try horseradish next for a nice kick

  • WolvenSpectre@lemmy.caEnglish
    8·
    17 days ago

    I would at least add tobasco sauce to the mustard or use a much spicier mustard. Or fill it with Vegimite instead.

    • cm0002@lemy.lol
      5·
      17 days ago

      I would have filled it with the hottest peppers I could find, which since I’m a pepper head they would have a very hard time proving I didn’t intend on eating myself lolol

      • IamMoonPie@lemmy.world
        5·
        17 days ago

        I would be careful doing this as you never know the persons allergic reactions. I’m not a donut thief so obviously I don’t need to worry, but I am deathly allergic to many peppers.

        And some people with asthma can’t eat super hot foods either.

          • MinnesotaGoddam@lemmy.worldEnglish
            7·
            16 days ago

            i have trouble believing someone with a food allergy would. if i don’t know everything that’s in what i’m eating, i don’t care who made it. i’m not eating it.

        • Clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          2·
          16 days ago

          Is your allergy specifically to the capsacin? I think that’s what make them spicy, bit I don’t know if hotter=more capsacin or what.

          • IamMoonPie@lemmy.world
            2·
            16 days ago

            It’s actually a nightshade allergy, so tomatoes, eggplants, peppers, and such. From my understanding it’s an allergy to whatever makes them those dark purples, and browns.

            I get a rash in my throat, my eyes, and the worst is when it’s on the palms of my feet. It’s the worst.

    • boonhet@sopuli.xyz
      2·
      16 days ago

      I regularly make sandwiches with this mustard on them:

      In small amounts, it gives you a runny nose. In medium amounts it makes you cry. It comes in a small tube rather than a big jar for a reason, you literally couldn’t eat it if you smeared a ton of it on any food. I absolutely would use copious amounts of it if I had a food thief problem, and I don’t think I’d ever have a food thief problem again.

  • lgmjon64@lemmy.world
    8·
    16 days ago

    My Oma used to do that. A whole tray of filled donuts and one random one would be filled with mustard. She was a trickster.