ITT: Lemmites can’t even take a fun little fake story without getting their knickers in a twist
Bold of you to assume my knickers can be untwisted.
Boomers have the time of their life these days, making up stories and having all the attention
If I were to get married, it’d be the cheapest way possible. If my partner were to prefer an expensive wedding, we wouldn’t be getting married in the first place anyway.
My husband and I got married in our backyard with just our immediate family in attendance (10 folks in total - my brother was our officiant), but we livestreamed it for others that wanted to see. I found a legit wedding dress for $70 and didnt bother with alterations cause it fit fine enough and I was only gonna wear it for several hours. I built the wedding arch we got married under, my mama did my hair and makeup, and my mama-in-law and sister-in-law cooked our reception food.
We “got away with it” because it was during the quarantine period of the pandemic (NYE 2020). Even though my mom was pretty pissed at me for not having a real wedding, this is the way.
Know someone who got married by a lake on public land. Cost was basically a dj and catering for 30ish people. We did ours in a butterfly garden with a friend as the officiant and the total cost was a thrifted dress and tickets for the garden. 10/10 would recommend.
We’re gonna do a bigger one for family when our finances aren’t so fucked, but honestly I wouldn’t care if we didn’t.
We were in our 30s, and neither of us wanted to make a fuss, invite a bunch of people, declare our love, etc. Yuck. So we spent the money on the vacation of a lifetime in St Lucia, and got married in the beach with a nice couple we meant as our witnesses.
When we got back, everybody was just as happy that we got married, and my mom threw a little reception with a small cake. We were comfortable with that.
My wife and I were 6 months into planning ours and so fucking stressed out over making it a great experience for our honored guests. A text from her mother that read “Well if you invite X you have to invite Y or else it’s going to be an issue…” was the straw that broke both our backs, but there had been months of this shit prior to that point, to the point where it was affecting my wife-to-be and I’s relationship and we never argued like we did over planning our “traditional” wedding.
None of the stress was internal, it was all external…people weighing in with their opinions of our plans, what we should serve, oh this person doesn’t like that, you should have this instead, well this person is going to insist on bringing their kids even if they kids are not invited so you’d better plan on having settings for them, dont use that photographer use this photographer or else wedding ruined, dont get this caterer get this other caterer or wedding ruined, dont have it here, have it there, or wedding ruined…
So we both said “Fuck it” and eloped. Found a small bed and breakfast a few hours away that offered a literal Elopement Package…the owner was a certified JP, his wife did all the decorating…they even provided witnesses. All we had to do was show up. The price was just under what the photographer alone was going to cost us.
Happily married for 10 years now. Best decision we ever made.
Hell yea.
Was there drama from the family about this? Story time! Only if you’re comfortable sharing ofc.
Oh, tons. Her mom and dad were pissed more than anyone else, her mom for understandable reasons, the sentimentality of it and watching her little girl walk down the aisle, but her dad moreso because he was a major schmoozer that sat on their town board, owned many local businesses, is friends with state-level representatives and was a “VIP” that had already been pressuring us to invite people that neither of us even fucking knew for networking purposes which really pissed me off (less so my wife, she grew up with that shit). He offered to pay for the wedding which in itself was a source of stress as I didn’t want to give him any angle with which to dictate the manner in which the wedding was conducted and damn sure didn’t want it to turn into some state function.
My wife hated that shit, too, but it caused drama between my wife and I because her parents were up her fucking ass about this shit and she felt like she was in the middle despite being in full agreement with me because she’d given in to this sort of shit so much in her life she was used to it…she’d never had so much as a birthday party that didn’t have at least three dozen people there, most of whom were there for her dad, not for her. I was just not going to let her family push her around, and I had zero hesitation in telling them to back the fuck off, which her dad was definitely not used to.
My family is a lot more “live and let live” with that sort of thing. I have some cousins that spent the equivalent of new car money on their wedding, and cousins that did like us and just went to the beach and had a friend of theirs get ordained and perform the ceremony while everyone is in their bathing suits with wet hair, but its very much left up to the people getting married and nobody else gets in the way because that’s not their place. We have our own drama but at least in that regards its way better. My parents more or less said “Congrats, go have fun!” lol
Absolutely! It’s the same as the whole diamond ring thing. If my partner doesn’t want a malachite ring on one hand with a turquoise or tiger’s eye ring on the other, we aren’t going to be compatible.
If I were to plan a ‘wedding’ it would be a series of them. Invite over about 10-20 people at a time every other week for three months (I have a looooot of extended family that I am actually close with, so maybe even for six months depending on how big my partner’s family and friends group is). We can split the cost of the food, and just plan some outings at the local sites (depending on where I would be, something like a park, the beach, a mountain hike, etc.). That lets us avoid the classic ‘X hates Y, so you can’t sit them near each other!’ baloney. It also lets us redirect the cost of a venue, catering, photographers, etc. towards food alone, and we can splurge a little while still saving 80% of the costs.
My partner and I got married after 8 months of meeting. We’re both quiet people with sensory issues, so we got married on our friend’s front porch with about 30 friends, no family allowed. Found someone to give our wedding for a few hundred bucks, the engagement ring and wedding bands were likely no more than $500 for all three.
All that plus the booze we probably did it for under $1500 total.
We think a lot alike. Few people have asked me ‘But what if she wants a big wedding!?’ and they never understand the reply of then I wouldn’t be marrying her. If I’m going to blow a bunch of money when we get married it’s going to be on the honeymoon. I would rather not spend money on a wedding party that most people don’t want to go to and no one is going to remember. But to spend money to ‘create memories’ around the world… Hell yeah.
I think the two of you should get married.
Asking a dad for permission to marry a woman is fucking disgusting and needs to go away. Women aren’t property. Children aren’t property. Fucking toxic shit.
Also boomer-ass “wife bad.”
You’re taking it way too literal. Some women think it’s romantic when you ask their father for permission to marry them. If she wants you to do this, she’ll likely tell you. The same way you’d discuss whether she wants her father to walk her down the aisle. These practices aren’t necessarily bad or toxic.
If you are in a healthy committed relationship you talk about these sorts of things, there’s no right or wrong. On the other hand, I do agree with you that it would be really weird and creepy to ask a father permission to marry his daughter behind her back.
My partner was going to marry me no matter what their dad said, but it meant a lot to them to get his approval. I was going into the military and he was a retired high ranking lieutenant.
8 years later their dad still loves the shit out of me.
I’m not military, but isn’t “high ranking lieutenant” an oxymoron? I thought lieutenants were the very beginning rank for officers.
My bad. I shouldn’t type while sick.
Lieutenant colonel is what I meant.
It’s more like “can I be in your family” now a days. If my wife’s dad said no, I would’ve still married her. But knowing that I’m accepted into their family is nice.
If that’s the question, why is it always the father they ask?
It’s not. I asked their mother. But asked isn’t even really the right word. I discussed proposing to their child with them first out of empathy, courtesy, respect, just plain demonstrating the ability to have real life adult conversations. I think using the idiom of “Asking for permission” really has some pedants in this thread in a twist.
That’s a nice personal anecdote. But your personal experience has no bearing on the general pervasive attitude that been dragged on from the days when women were in fact legally the property of their fathers and then husbands.
Of course this attitude has changed and evolved over time, but it’s still an attitude born from a place of extreme sexism and misogyny. And the amount of men who will ask a fathers permission or expect to be asked for permission for their daughter still comes from a place of still treating women as something to be possessive over due to their gender, is way to damned high.
Your personal experience doesn’t change the existence of the pervasive attitude of women being possessions.
A marriage is between two people and their families. It’s always personal and anecdotal. Fighting the patriarchy and gender stereotypes doesn’t always happen on grand civic scales, it happens in many many boring everyday personal anecdotal interactions.
Most likely patriarchal society bs. I asked both parents.
Good for you. But whenever I hear about asking for the “parent’s” permission, 99 times out of 100 it’s the father they’re asking.
Amongst my kin it’s usually less the dad in particular and moreso that the dad is the embassador for the rest of the men of the family. Basically doing a check before the proper introductions, the women folks have their own rituals.
Good for you and whatever culture you come from. But your personal anecdote is more or less irrelevant to the discussion at hand.
If you want anything other than personal anecdotes then you might have better luck doing a study than asking people in a forum. Most people just have their personal anecdotes and personal speculation.
California Scots, so whatd be recognized as Redneck to most people. The whole Scots thing is probably the defining factor here since telling our women kin no is liable to get you an ass beating or poisoned, assuming they don’t just ignore you.
Or like from dude to guy talking to make sure we don’t bother eachother. As you saw in the example, he had a bike coming and he would have disturbed that.
He didn’t ask because he knew a bike was coming. That was just serendipity.
This attitude of asking a father permission stems from the archaic attitude that women are the property of their fathers and then their husbands.
I personally disagree. Long time ago, I was dating someone and one day it just happened… Like that was the point I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But I did a quick ‘ask her father for permission’ but in my head… And doing that was when I fully came to grasp with just how much a loser I was and how little I had to offer anyone. That moment, was the moment my life shifted. I got my drinking under control, went to college, made better friends, I was serious about my future.
While I didn’t talk to her father, I knew exactly what he’d say. I knew exactly how he felt about me. Him being always honest with me and me finally being honest with me was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I’ve never viewed it as a property thing, at least not in America. And I didn’t anyone does. To me it’s always been more of a ‘are you worthy, do I trust you’.
Marriage itself is a chattel trade. It’s delulu to think you can enter into the institution without normalising patriarchy.
It’s 2026, the net beneficiary of marriage is whichever half earns less. Assuming shared finances. Which due to the gender pay gap tends to actually be the woman, but could also be the man.
Divorces aren’t terribly difficult to get in any sane parts of the world and there’s really not much power you get over the other party that they don’t also get over you. Plus if you’re a woman, developed countries tend to have things like women’s safety centers to get away from abusive spouses (wish they also had them for men in my country, but luckily that ordeal is mostly over for me). Also two women can get married, which of them then owns the other one? If it’s chattel.
Or y’know, some people just want a break on taxes
My partner is permemantly disabled, so getting married grants them protection financially if anything happens to me. I could totally make a will and say “All my stuff goes to spouse”, but if my family (not that they ever would) wanted to intervene because we weren’t married, they could.
Now? Because we’re married my partner gets anything and everything if something happens to me. The house, the cars, the dogs, my inheritance, everything.
Not disagreeing but, um, I did need healthcare. So.
I must confess I don’t see how the two things could be linked.
Some healthcare in America, you can only add onto the plan married spouses. Sometimes even Common Law isn’t enough to get a spouse on your plan. So some people need to actually have the piece of paper that says Marriage Certificate in order for their spouse to get healthcare.
I’m assuming there’s a shithole country somewhere where you need expensive private insurance to have healthcare and perhaps it also covers spoUSes?
One of the few actually true and relatable stories found in the wild.
Posting this online… is ‘the wife’ locked up without contact to other people and without internet access?
And the daughter too
What are you imagining would happen if the wife found out? Likely, the husband told the wife about this whole thing the next time he talked to her. I take it you’ve never been married?
“Hello everyone I know: Just wanted to let you all know that my daughter’s boyfriend is planning to ask her to marry him, but hasn’t done it yet. Like, comment, and subscribe if you agree that we should keep this hush-hush!”
Heh you still think the post isn’t made up bullshit?
Wife still thinks he only uses their shared account
If that dude told me to wait for that reason, I would understand. Hell he can walk her down the isle while riding the bike that would be awesome
Well he wouldn’t be walking down the isle then would he?
Idle the bike and push it along your legs, blow all the petal from the flower girls away with the exhaust
That’s a better idea, I was wondering how one could “walk her down the isle whilst riding the bike”
Reminds me of when trump said: “when you see somebody walking down the street with out their legs, with out their arms”
They would do it similar to someone in a wheel chair.
Americans can’t even walk down the isle.
Probably depends on what isle it is. Long Island? No way. Too long. Short island? Maybe.
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How come he’s got a bike “coming” but still needs the money? Has he not bought it? What sort of arrangement is that?
Could have put a deposit down with an agreement he gets to test it before committing to purchase.
Or it’s the Internet and is lying
Or it’s the Internet and is lying
Who would do that?! Who would lie on the internet?!
Buster would NEVER
Whenever you order a vehicle, you pay a small bit down, but full purchase isn’t until it arrives. Sometimes you can get deals on custom orders that fell through at the last minute that a person didn’t buy.
Must be an american thing
Seen this is Spain, but only when someone ordered an unpopular colour or something
Edit: actually, one of my bikes is this - it was a model available in custom colour combos for a bit extra money - mine is green and blue which is a bit off the wall, but I like it … and I got a new bike for 1000€ less than the asking price :-)
I did the same thing in Germany, but the down payment was much higher so people tend to commit fully. It’s actually more of an exception in the US as people tend to not custom order as dealers have loads of new cars ready to go on the lot.
Frankly I’d prefer them to switch to a custom order model, but there are too many impulse car buyers here.
Frankly I’d prefer them to switch to a custom order model, but there are too many impulse car buyers here.
Sales people here are hyper aggressive at trying to get you to buy something today. I ordered my last vehicle and they fought it tooth and nail kicking and screaming. They ended up doing a national search with a 3000 mile radius looking for what I wanted at other dealers. When that came up empty they finally yielded and let me order the damn thing.
It could just be weird phrasing. It could be that he’s saving up for it and plans to have the money at that time. He’s expecting to have the money, so he’s expecting to buy it, or put another way he’s “got it coming”
Is that “asking for hand in marriage” a american tradition, like the “driving license as a rite of passage” thing?Edit: scratch that. I just remembered, that it’s likely from a christian origin and is older than iron.
I don’t know if it came from elsewhere first, but it’s not very common nowadays in the US.
It’s old-fashioned, and it’s not like the woman’s parents have the authority to say ‘no’. It’s more like a gesture of humility, then a “we accept you into our family” sort of thing. If someone does it these days, it’s probably in the south and with a really traditional family who they’re trying to impress.
wife bad
In that case…
Where does it say that
It’s in the subtext. This is boomer humor and the wife being bad is a common ingredient.
Wife wanting to spend limited liquid money on daughter’s wedding = bad.
Husband wanting to spend limited liquid money on motorcycle = good.
Am I getting that right?
No, wife bad because she’s the antagonist to husband’s fun.
It’s a well-documented thing, I’m honestly surprised I have to explain it right now.
