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Modern day non woke James Bond where he just does recon work for the IDF so they can commit war crimes cause that’s all
does these daysThey would put him on a high-priority semen retrieval
“Now listen carefully Bond, ordinary Expensive Brand watch. Turn the dial, electroshock semen retrieval unit. Modern Iconic Sportscar? Behind the headlights, deployable armour-penetrating semen retrieval harpoons - should penetrate the hull of an average burned-out Merkava. This pen? Don’t be silly, it’s just a pen Bond. But the ink…”
ill watch whatever, i don’t give a shit. but part of the bond character is that he’s one of those oxbridge ass pedigree “for king and country” douchebags who conquers exotic locales and their booba-havers.
trying to do representation or whatever with the character i think is a weird move, since he’s basically the personification of empire. it makes sense, because how is the character going to stay relevant as the literal west collapses? post soviet collapse, they did a lot of bond villains critiquing arms proliferation, wealthy moguls, and even some blowback with Bardem’s villain. but i think they’re stuck in a self-eating loop and they know it, so this is their “shake it up” play.
admittedly, it has less reactionary potential than reimagining the world of james bond in the past and keeping the stories stuck in an idealized golden age and doing some kind of retrofuturistic thing.
but, again, i’ll watch anything with Idris Elba and probably watch whatever bond slop they barf out.
It’s kind of funny in Goldeneye where M calls him a “sexist, misogynist dinosaur, a relic of the Cold War.”
They tried and failed to play with that concept in skyfall, too. The problem is that the writers can’t commit to bond being an anachronistic pig who is fun to watch, or an avatar for all that is good and honest
trying to do representation or whatever with the character i think is a weird move, since he’s basically the personification of empire. it makes sense, because how is the character going to stay relevant as the literal west collapses? post soviet collapse, they did a lot of bond villains critiquing arms proliferation, wealthy moguls, and even some blowback with Bardem’s villain. but i think they’re stuck in a self-eating loop and they know it, so this is their “shake it up” play.
what if he just becomes asian again
He’s right, James Bond can’t be woke
So, no more James Bond
Society has progressed beyond the need for James Bond
It’s time for Austin Powers
I would 100% watch Idris Elba as Austin Powers.
imagining chuds finding out that austin powers thinks consent is sexy but a black guy is saying it
In the first film Austin Powers was a secret communist who believed in consent. He’s woke-r than James Bond
The old world is dying, and the new one is struggling to be born. Now is the time of Austin Powers
I’m pretty sure that’s how that went
James Bond
Austin Powers
Austin Powers movies aged well all things considered
The first one has so many choice gags it’s amazing.
The dick rocket sight gag montage still cracks me up.
I haven’t played it yet, but isn’t the new ZAUM Disco Elysium em’ up just that without the tuxedo?
If female james bond doesn’t get used as a textbook example of what a lack of consent looks like and isn’t blowing a 1 on a breathaliser I don’t want her.
they should make the female bond exactly like the male bond from the first movies, aka top tier matriarchal it would be too funny
Lmfao this sounds amazing. But they are cowards and would never and western media is just a propaganda arm at this point
They should make a Bond a trans woman who loves to get pegged.
No wonder he played the fed in Cyberpunk
That character was especially funny because he was the most pathetic one of the major cast, totally aware that he worked for terrible people who cared nothing for him or anyone he cared about, but unwilling to get over some awful loyalty-unto-death honour code nonsense that doesn’t even have that cool bushido styling.
Like if Alec Trevelyan had just… come back to work for MI6 after surviving the intro to GoldenEye.
Reverse psychologing chuds into supporting him as bond
Fuck that make Bond woke AF. Let’s get Greta Thunberg in there.
My name is Bond. James Bond. And your climate footprint is utterly atrocious.
Make the black woman James Bond from the last movie the main character. She doesn’t work for MI6 but for MI2026 which is a nonprofit that helps urban kids integrate into society, but it somehow also involves running around on rooftops chasing bad guys. At one point she has to make sure a boat of non-EU-citizens makes it to the shores of England before stuff blows up. Once all the migrants are safe in England, Bond gets back on the boat and heads straight for Gaza with Greta. There they meet up with Gay Q who is now an independent doohickey developer who developed doodads for Hezbollah and Ansarallah. Everyone is
and they will announce it at any opportunity. The villain is Donald Pleasance as Blofeld except dressed in a Inglin football shirt and with a pink sunburn. Instead of plotting he just rambles incoherently. Whenever he’s on screen the subtitles will say “THIS IS YOU, VIEWER”
Literally crackers whining about “muh representatshunz!” now.
Everything they hate about Anita Sarkeesian they have done and faced no consequence.
From my perspective, you can write yourself into a corner when you’re deciding that you’re not going to be woke. You’ll get some kind of safe Disney mainline Star Wars movie. You’ll get some bing bang wahoo without a single quotable line. You’re about to make the most stale, phoned in piece of vaporware in the franchise. Your plot has nowhere to go, nothing to deconstruct, no expectation to subvert. You’re not James Cameron, YOU can’t rehash the same world of blue people and have it be
each time. What? Is Bond just going to be literal advertising for whatever location and watch brand? Turns out the spy was MI6 and rogue again?Safe is gray is boring is hollow. Woman bond could seduce differently and sneak into places differently. CPTSD Woman Bond could struggle to fight a villain who claims to be searching for a cure her malady. She has to struggle with whether her cause is worthwhile and her friends on the force have been threatening to unionize anyway. We don’t know whether M is serious about shutting the whole thing down if they do it.
Boom! Drama, tension, and stakes. Intrigue about who this new Bond is with more pronounced problems that rhyme with what was already there. You don’t even have to turn into Mission Impossible where the whole world is at stake and pray that causes more tension.
The interconnected world and observations about it are an incredible base for a fantasy setting. 99% of the time you’ll run into something someone screeches about being woke about in a couple sentences doing it though.
Woke Bond would end up like the Tomb Raider remakes where what that character is and does is so un-uniteable with a concept of woke you’d get an “I’m Bond, James Bond, he/him” before he sexually assaults a nonbinary person
If the movies are called 007 couldn’t they just have the agent title rotated around to different characters? Doesn’t that happen in real espionage tactics too? Using one operator name for multiple operators to mask your numbers?
Just saying if they wanted to spruce up the franchise by giving it new faces having James Bond train multiple 007’s and having the codename extend to a whole wing of operatives would just make more sense. Keeps the franchise name recognizable for casual audiences, moves the series in a new direction, creates new avenues for possibilities, acknowledges the past character and sunsets them gracefully…
Totally not the point of the original post but I’m dumbstrucked I keep seeing headlines about changing the writing of “James Bond”, an individual person, and not “007” an operator title that could conceivably go to anyone (unless I’ve been misreading things or not reading the articles enough).
That is also my understanding. It would be of course ridiculous to have a James Bond female, but you technically could have 007 that is female, with a different name or course.
wouldn’t be that ridiculous, there’s a screenshot of a tumblr post an everything about a predatory womanizing lesbian spy who goes by James and that movie would have been made 10 years ago if it weren’t for all the cowardice.
Hmm, maybe you are right. If we had a female James Bond that treats other women like conquests and means to achieve his objectives than perhaps that could work.
It would be of course ridiculous to have a James Bond female
https://nameberry.com/b/girl-baby-name-james
James for a girl? Believe it or not, this is one of the boy names for girls" gaining a lot of attention these days, since Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds shocked the world by choosing it for their eldest daughter in 2014 (after his late father).
Since then, it’s become something of a celebrity baby middle name du jour, with high-profile parents including Coco Rocha, Kristin Cavallari, Nev Schulman and Brandon Jenner all having daughters with James in the middle spot.
She could be born in the early 90s as a normal person or in 2019 as the nepo baby of insufferable celebrities
I see what you mean but that is not the point I was making. It would be a bit ridiculous if there was a female agent that is now called James Bond, even if James is a legitimate girl’s name. In particular I was trying to say that there is a better way of doing it, by having another 007 that is a different person, with a different name.
It’s like when we have Peter Parker, Miles Morales and Gwen Stacey. They are all Spidermen but not exactly the same character and it works. Now, I feel like it might be weird to some if instead of Gwen we would have Petra Parker.
Now, I feel like it might be weird to some if instead of Gwen we would have Petra Parker.
Do not look up the name of spiderman india.
i dunno, making the agent of the imperium woke could penetrate new markets
he’s been too old for like a decade. get John Boyega or younger
Bro you played a Roman emperor in an unnecessary sequel jstfu!
I don’t really see the angle on woke James Bond, like are we going to have him go “The pronoun’s Him, He/Him” before jetting off to help Israel overthrow the ayatollah?
